25 years old, what an age. Midlife crisis in women

In our twenties, most of us begin our adult lives: we have completed our education, have a job, our own family, and our first children. But if 50 years ago 65% of 30-year-old men and 77% of women of this age considered themselves adults, now only 31% and 46% consider themselves adults. Most admit to being disappointed, indecisive, afraid, bored and confused.

“Crisis of entry into adulthood”, “early adolescence” - this is how psychologists define this difficult time. But more often it is called a “quarter-life crisis.” The term came into use thanks to two 25-year-old American women, New Yorker columnist Alexandra Robbins and web designer Abby Wilner, authors of the book “The Quarter Life Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your 20s.”

The topic turned out to be relevant for millions of yesterday's graduates not only in the USA, but also in France, Italy, and Germany: the book became an international bestseller. In Russia, the same topic is of no less keen interest to those over twenty, as well as to developmental psychologists, to whom people of this age are increasingly turning to for advice.

"Silent" crisis

The experiences of 25-year-olds remained for a long time in the shadow of more “loud” turning points - the crises of adolescence and middle age. Perhaps because they are not so noticeable to others. But, like any crisis, this one affects the most significant aspects of life and causes pain.

It took 27-year-old Oleg several years to find the unique key to adulthood: “It was not easy for me to realize that my father’s advice and mother’s care would not make me happy. I myself must be responsible for what happens to me, for my disappointments, successes and failures.”

Oleg tried to adapt to the lifestyle that his relatives imposed on him

The path to understanding this turned out to be long and left many scars in my soul. Oleg tried to adapt to the lifestyle imposed by his relatives: after graduating from medical school, he came to work in the family company.

“During the day, I sat in my father’s office and was frankly bored,” he recalls. “My real life began in the evening, when my friends and I went to a club, listened to music, discussed new CDs.” After a year and a half of “double life,” Alexander left “his father” for a large recording company. "The music industry doesn't look so great from the inside," he says, "but I feel much more comfortable here."

8 Signs of a “Quarter Life Crisis”

If you are familiar with at least half of the situations listed, then the “quarter-life crisis” has not bypassed you.

1. Are you done prestigious university, but you continue to get by with temporary part-time jobs, consoled by the fact that “You have a diploma, and thank God!”
2. You are bored at work. You are bored without work.
3. You are bored with your friend. You miss him.
4. For the first time you say to yourself: “I’m not young anymore.”
5. You are used to changing partners often, but for the first time you are wondering: is it time to make a decision?
6. You are a young woman, and the question of children arises. You are a young man, you have your first gray hair.
7. You have a lot of temporary jobs - interesting or necessary only for money. You ask yourself if it's time to focus on one area.
8. Your younger brother or best friend got married, got a regular job, took out a mortgage, had children. You feel like you've been passed over.

26-year-old Lika is also acutely aware of the contrast between her own expectations and reality: “I was always sure that by 25 I would live on Nevsky, I would have a smart and successful boyfriend and my own program on television,” she admits. - Now I work in news on a cable TV channel, and most of my salary is eaten up by renting a one-room apartment in a residential area in which I live alone. It seems to me that youth is passing, but I can’t achieve anything.”

“Reality came as a shock to me”

Ilya, 27 years old, notary assistant

“I didn’t like school: my life was poisoned by the very need to go there and obey the idiotic rules. But I knew: everything would end, I would be released and finally begin to live the way I wanted. Having become a lawyer, I hoped to quickly make a career. But everything turned out wrong. The work came as a shock to me: I again feel like a schoolboy who is just learning the basics of adult life. I'm learning from scratch again, building relationships, earning a reputation. It looks like I’ll have to wait a long time before my efforts begin to bear any fruit.”

Build an image of yourself

The feelings of Oleg and Lika are strong and sincere. “But many of those who belong to a more mature age, including parents of 20-year-olds, are critical and even ironic in their assessments of the situation,” says psychologist Sergei Stepanov. - The experiences of young adults seem to them like the whims of spoiled children.

For the generation of parents, having a decently paid job and modest but gradually growing income serve as evidence that life is good. After all, many were deprived of this in their youth.”

Internal conflicts are boiling in young souls. “And the deepest of them is associated with the first assembly of oneself, with the search for one’s identity, which comes into conflict with reality, with what society offers young people,” explains developmental psychologist Yuri Frolov. - When adolescence ends, it is important for everyone to feel independent from their parents, but at the same time they want to feel the warmth and support of their relatives.

20-year-olds acutely feel the contradiction between the need for intimacy and the fear of losing themselves and dissolving in their partner. As a result, an idealized perception of childhood and adolescence arises, nostalgia for them and regret about the opportunities missed during that “golden time.”

This is not about a turning point or radical shaking of the foundations, but only about an awakening - even if it is alarming or bitter

There are experiences, but they are not tragic, says psychotherapist Stefan Clerger. “This is not about a turning point or a radical shake-up of the foundations, but only about an awakening - even if it is alarming or bitter. And, as with any awakening, some people are tormented by the blues or a hangover in the morning, while others start up at half speed and immediately begin to make plans for the day.”

By the age of 30, we revise our perception of ourselves taking into account new knowledge about reality, separate it from our own and our parents’ fantasies, and move on to a new stage of life. This is a period of rethinking oneself and developing new life priorities - a serious turn that needs to be made. As with any turn, you first slow down, hesitate, and then start moving with renewed vigor.

"It's hard for me to make a choice"

“After college, I worked as an accountant in a large company. Salary, prospects - but I hated this job and at some point I couldn’t stand it and quit. While I'm sitting at home, I'm composing songs. After all, I dreamed about this - to live by music! But what to live on? Mom keeps telling me to come to my senses. But what should I choose: go to work or continue singing? It’s the same in my personal life - my boyfriend and I have been dating for eight years, but I can’t decide to start living together.”

Separation from parents

Many opportunities are open to young people: you can work in a bank or play rock and roll, get married or flit from novel to novel. However, the moment inevitably comes when you have to make a choice, which means abandoning all options except one. And at the same time, you will have to rely only on your own desires - the symbolic guidelines that the mother and father used to serve no longer have their former meaning.

“I understand that there are many roads in front of me,” says Lika, “but I need to choose one! Then it will be difficult to replay, if possible at all.”

According to psychoanalyst Tatyana Alavidze, fear of choice is partly explained by the behavior of parents. Many of them are not ready to be left alone with themselves and delay separation in every possible way.

“Directly or through roundabout methods, they actually continue to interfere in the lives of their children, dictating where they should work or with whom they should spend time,” explains Tatyana Alavidze. - Their financial participation in the lives of children also contributes to this. And as a result, they artificially delay the growth of their son or daughter.”

“It is important to distinguish between psycho-emotional and material independence,” explains Stefan Clerger. - Often a graduate or young specialist continues to depend on their parents for everyday life, maintaining internal immunity and independence in making key decisions. There is no direct connection."

“I envy those who are younger than me”

Farid, 29 years old, civil servant

“I just broke up with my girlfriend and moved back in with my parents. There is no housekeeping, shopping, obligations or other “adult life” here! Friends get married and have children, but I don’t want to. I envy those who are now 18-20 years old. It was a wonderful time for me - so free... I feel calm only in the company of older people - their company reminds me that I am still young.”

Wisdom of life

IN Chinese the word “crisis” consists of two hieroglyphs - “danger” and “opportunity”: this is how the ancients’ confidence came to us that in every problematic situation there lies not only the destruction of the old, but also the creation of the new.

“There is no need to be afraid of the age crisis; it contains a culture of development and the wisdom of life,” Yuri Frolov is sure. “It is important to learn to listen to your crisis, to study it, because it is it that forces us to seek contact with ourselves, allows us to gain psychological integrity, begin to perceive ourselves realistically and, as a result, resolve many internal conflicts with a positive way out of it.”

"I'm afraid it will be too late"

Elena, 25 years old, PR manager

“Everything is fine with me: I’m generally happy with my job, my parents helped me buy a car, and my grandmother helped me buy a small apartment. But I live in anxiety. Until now, life was planned out several years in advance: graduate from college, move away from my parents, find a job. And suddenly all the stages ended. What's next? I understand that there are many possibilities: you can quit your job, hitchhike across Europe, learn to jump with a parachute, enroll in philosophy. In principle, anything is possible. But I don’t know what I want, and a few more years and it will be too late.”

“I’ve been there and I’m back!”

“A quarter-life crisis helps you understand that the time has come to solve your own problems,” says Alexandra Robbins, author of the international bestseller “Overcoming the Quarter-Life Crisis: Advice from Those Who Have Been There and Returned.”

“The 25-year-old has been very helpful to me. I think I can avoid a midlife crisis, because by the age of 30 I was able to deal with the main issues of my own identity. Unlike our parents and grandfathers, we have the opportunity to unravel our true desires before getting married or starting a career.

I believe that young people experience this time painfully because they consider themselves alone in their feelings and explain them by personal characteristics. This is mistake. They don’t talk about it with peers who are experiencing the same emotions, or with those over thirty. And finally, many people believe that “nothing can be changed.” But it's never too late to start over!

Walking along a road that doesn’t suit you, just because one day you decided to take it, is much more difficult than getting off it and choosing another one - one that will lead you, even if not immediately, to where you really want get in."

Recently, more and more young people are beginning to feel some psychological dissatisfaction at the turn of about 25-26 years. What does this mean? Dissatisfaction with some aspects of your life, thoughts about the correctness of your chosen professional path, doubts about the correctness and richness of your life, searches in personal relationships, serious thoughts about the future, etc. In general, everyone may have their own manifestations, but they are united into a common feeling: is everything going right in life or is something wrong?

In the classical periodization of the main crises of life development, the age period of 25 years is not described. However, statements are increasingly heard that such a critical stage has a right to exist in modern days.

So for what reasons does this condition occur? There are several factors, and they all interact with each other. At the same time, we should pay attention to the fact that we may not necessarily be aware of all these reasons. They can be felt, processed somewhere far away in the unconscious, but the “effect” from them is still the same - all this manifests itself in one way or another in our conscious emotional life. Let's try to sort them out in order.

1. The issue of self-realization in the professional sphere. As a rule, by this period most young people had received their education and graduated from universities. Since that moment, enough time has passed (2-4 years) to draw the first reliable conclusions about my self-realization: what achievements are there, what have I managed to achieve, what am I like, what are my prospects. Against the background of these assessments given to oneself, thoughts arise: is this what I want to do in life, am I on the right path, what would I really want to do, can I succeed in this particular area, will I be successful in my profession? what you thought about during your student years?

2. The issue of self-realization in the social environment. Today, each of us has a lot of opportunities to choose a path in life: you can try hard and earn a lot, you can get to a good place, you can work outside your specialty with a large income, or develop yourself professionally in your own direction, but with a small income. Today, some specialties are in great demand, others are not, with one education you can immediately get a good position and make a career, while with another you need to work hard just for the future. You can start, you can make good money in the service sector, you can be a young scientist with an insignificant salary, or you can go abroad and realize yourself to the maximum.

In general, there are countless options. But, one way or another, your “work” achievements begin to determine your social status. And for girls, it can also be determined by a successful marriage. In this regard, a lot of questions arise: what is my status relative to my peers, am I making the necessary progress, is my life developing successfully, is everything going well for me, do I have time to realize myself properly?

3. Feeling of true adulthood. At this stage, a true understanding of oneself comes: what I am now is who I am. This means that thoughts about your path, your place in life, your purpose, your achievements, etc. begin to appear. More and more, there is a clear realization that this is adult life. And the way I live now, what I do, is no longer a preparatory stage, not only the very, very beginning of my real adult life, but this life itself. She goes, and everything that happens to me can already be assessed, and there are no discounts for study, youth, immaturity.

4. The feeling of passing youth. At the turn of 25, it becomes clear that the most carefree, cheerful and hopeful years are already behind us. Throughout those very youth(and this is a lot - about 10-12 years since) we have always lived in the feeling that the best and most interesting things in life are yet to happen to us, that there will be a lot of interesting things and everything will definitely turn out well, I will achieve a lot, I will smile good luck and adult life in the future will be wonderful. Now comes an understanding of the realities of life, illusions and hopes give way to rationality and a clear awareness of what our life will be like in the near future.

5. The issue of implementation in personal life. For those who have not yet started a family or have children, at this age the question of personal life arises most acutely. This, of course, applies to girls to a greater extent. During this period, there are especially many thoughts about choosing a permanent partner for future life, about whether the current partner is suitable for the role of husband/wife, and whether there are worthy candidates for starting a family. Girls think about their maternal role: do they want and are they ready to fulfill it, and if they are ready, are there objective opportunities for this, etc. Many begin to evaluate their experience of communicating with the opposite sex, reflect on their ideals, tastes, preferences, who suits them and who they would like to see next to them in life.

Some people at this age have all these factors, others only some, and still others only one. Of course, there are those who are completely satisfied with life and do not feel any ups and downs in their worldview. This is also obvious, because not everyone experiences all the critical moments of development; these are, rather, trends rather than dogmas. So, if you are experiencing some dissatisfaction with your life at the time of your 25th birthday (or, more precisely, between the ages of 24 and 26), do not perceive it as some kind of hopeless situation. This is a rational and natural process that needs to be waited out, experienced, so that everything gradually gets better again. You will come out of this crisis a more mature person, perhaps with something new, more productive, with an updated worldview and fresh beginnings.

Twenty-five years is almost thirty. There is less and less time left before someone calls you “woman.” All creams “against the first signs of aging” set the age limit at exactly 25 years. Everything becomes even more complicated if you reach this age limit without a ring on your finger or at least the second rung of the career ladder. Today we propose to dispel all fears and look at the notorious crisis of 25 years with different eyes.

So, what doubts torment us at this age, and what thoughts come into our heads?

I can't bear to get married

Why does the crisis of 25 years occur?

At this age, girls begin the first wave of marriages.

You are young and beautiful. You already have more than one broken male heart. And suddenly your friend, with whom you were connected until the age of 17 by the motto “all men are assholes”, and just recently in a club over a glass of cocktail you discussed fashion news, invites you to her wedding... The first prick of the “crisis of 25 years” makes itself felt . “Everyone around is already babysitting their grandchildren,” the mother complains. And at family celebrations, distant relatives will definitely ask a stupid question: “Are you going to get married?”

And there are two ways: either you are carried away by this very wave into the abyss family life, or you sail to the side.

...Masha and Marina have been friends since childhood. The friends did not experience a lack of male attention; they were regulars at fashionable clubs and lived a busy life. But then one day Marina hid short skirts in a long drawer and, when asked by her friend to go somewhere, answered the same: I can’t today.

And then she announced that she was getting married. At the bachelorette party, Masha was surprised by some “metamorphoses”. In the friend’s eyes one could read either exorbitant happiness or a complete lack of understanding of what was happening, and under the dress a rather noticeable belly was already visible. Now, at 25, Marina already has two children, and Masha is not yet thinking about getting married.

……When Anya turned 25, her romance with Andrei had already lasted 7 years. Everything was like in a romantic film: they met at school, and when they realized that it was love, they entered the same institute, since they could not imagine a long separation. She gave up her dream of working in the tourism industry for his sake. He dreamed of children and a big family. And his parents helped them rent an apartment.

Everything was going as well as possible. They were an incredibly beautiful couple, just like a picture. No one thought that... they would separate. She was the initiator. “I just realized that I had burned out,” she said at the meeting. “Did you really need 7 years for this?” “I don’t know,” Anya shrugged. Now she is graduating from the correspondence faculty of “service and tourism”.

The crisis of 25 years does not only happen to those who are free. It’s just that in Soviet times, a girl of this age who did not have a stamp in her passport was considered hopeless. Now time has changed, but for some reason the landmarks remain the same. 25 years is not a milestone. It’s just that someone wakes up in a cold sweat with the thought “I’m already 25, and I’m still not married,” while someone sleeps peacefully.

At this crisis age, every novel seems to be the last. “This time he’s probably the one!” - we think. And separations are experienced more and more acutely. Because it seems that you will never meet your one and only. But that's not true. It’s just that with age comes experience and an understanding of what kind of man you really want to see next to you.

25 years is not a crisis, but a time to make a decision. But, or rather, it should come on its own. If you really need to wear a white dress to be happy, feel free to jump into the “wave of marriages,” and if not, then don’t be afraid to admit it to yourself. In any case, it should be your decision.

I'm talented.

Once upon a time, such a thing as a crisis of 25 years did not exist, and the girls were not burdened with thoughts of self-realization and calmly played music, taught French and collected the dowry in a chest.

But since we decided that from now on everything will be different and that self-realization is no less important for a woman than for a man, one more point has been added to the crisis of 25 years.

When you stand at a fork in the road, there are many roads and turns in front of you, but you simply don’t know where to turn. However, not everyone is tormented by such thoughts. After all, going with the flow is much easier.

...After college, financial difficulties forced Alla to get a job as a janitor at an enterprise. But somehow this promised prospects for growth, again, a social package and benefits. The girl fit in perfectly with the team and fell into the right stream. She moved from janitors to storekeepers. After working in a warehouse for quite some time, she finally became an office worker. Thus, she already has 8 years of experience at the same enterprise. Someday, among the labor veterans, she will be awarded an honorary prize and given a commemorative badge. Did she ever want to turn away from this path? No. Neither at 25, nor at 30.

...Tatyana graduated from the institute with honors. With the same diploma, she was accepted into a large company in a fairly good and stable position. All my friends were jealous - I was so lucky. At first, Tanya herself was happy - everything was new, interesting, she wanted to learn everything. But time passed, and every day was similar to the previous one: all the same papers, all the same operations, everything was clear and understandable. There were no prospects for growth, and she understood that it was “not her thing.”

The soul demanded creativity. And then one day, feeling the full crisis of 25 years, she quit her job and went with her sister to Moscow. Everyone said: “Are you crazy? Why do you need that?". It was very difficult at first. But, after completing a hairdressing course and passing a competition, Tatyana began working in a beauty salon. Now she travels to exhibitions and plans to open her own salon in the future.

Self-actualization (a tricky word from a psychology course) is a person’s desire to realize his abilities and talents. “What aspirations are there when there is no money?” - many will say. And if they are not there, there is nothing to lose. Many people forget who they wanted to be in their youth, what they strived for and what they dreamed about. But the crisis age of 25 is exactly the age when you can allow yourself to remember this.

Remember Lyudmila from the movie “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears”? “To fall in love is like a queen, to lose is like a million.” After all, if you are talented, your needs should not be limited to just the word “need”.

Because of the fear of changing something in our life, we sometimes do not see the opportunities that it gives us. Or maybe a great actress or impressionist artist is sleeping inside you, and what if you make an excellent psychologist? Dreams will come true if you put a little effort into it.

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Beautiful date - you are 25.
And you can search, start and change.
Everywhere you look there are open paths,
And the main thing in life is to find yourself.

May happiness illuminate your path with rays
And he will give you wings behind your shoulders.
May good meetings and bright feelings
You will be protected from steps of recklessness.

Always achieve your goals
And you will succeed in family life.
Good luck, wishing you the desired heights of conquest
And remember the cherished moments of life.

You are twenty-five today,
And this is a reason to have fun!
Shine joyfully with happiness
I wish you on your birthday!

Dreams, desires and plans
Let them come true soon!
I wish you love the oceans
And millions of clear days!

Happy anniversary. You are 25 today, and I sincerely wish you to be proud of what you have achieved, strive for what you still dream of, believe in yourself and not stop halfway. Let life be varied and happy, let it have a lot of hobbies, interests, joys, surprises, friends and dear people!

It’s incredibly nice to congratulate you.
Great date! When twenty-five
Everything is painted with rainbow colors,
Dreams flutter like butterflies in summer.
Love opens a fairy tale.
Oh, how your eyes sparkle today!
Seize these wonderful moments!
I wish you inspiration today
For new achievements, grandiose victories!
Full of adventures, funny and serious,
A huge story called “Life”.
As you leaf through it, hold on to your happiness!

Here's a quarter of a century for you,
The most important anniversary
Congratulations, congratulations,
Never be shy!

Achieve your goals
Make your dreams come true
Your life will be wonderful
You will reach all heights!

And good luck to you too,
There's nowhere without him,
There are no interferences
Never in your life!

Make plans, love with all your heart,
And live to the fullest,
Just enjoy the world
Never be sad!

A quarter of a century is cool
This is a serious anniversary.
Light up your everyday life beautifully
And don't regret the past.

Let success not leave you,
Let your dreams come true.
Your youth is in full swing -
Enjoy and live!

And in a cheerful mood,
Let's start celebrating
This holiday is a birthday,
This date is 25!

Golden, wonderful age -
The blood boils, the eyes burn!
Seize the chance, grab the opportunity
Show yourself to the world.

May brilliant success come,
There will be an eternal paradise in life,
Every day will bring happiness.
Magic! Know no adversity.

Don't be sad for no reason
Enjoy life to your heart's content,
Roll around like cheese in butter,
After all, you are only 25!

When we say "quarter century"
It sounds too solid.
And this is the dawn for a person,
A great route lies before him.

Everything is ahead: work and career,
Family and children, fame and success.
After all, at twenty-five we have great faith,
That we will go much further than everyone else.

And so it is! Let your dreams come true
Let the small anniversary be the start,
May fate bless your daring,
Life becomes brighter every day.

Health, long life and wonderful deeds.
Let your friends be true in life,
And remember every day, every hour,
That your friendly family is nearby!

Just a super anniversary!
Celebrate and invite your friends!
Light it up and "twenty-five"
You will remember it for a long time.
Is there any better age?
But there’s no counting ahead
Important and wonderful dates.
Everyone really wants you
Wish you a great life
... live it, not dream it!
Please us with your smile,
Swim away to happiness like a fish!

25 is a great age.
There is still so much to come!
" Wow! - the exclamation will spread, -
Anniversary, whatever one may say!”

I wish you a lot of happiness,
Achievements and victories,
And my friends are so real.
Those who will get you out of trouble.

Take care of your health,
Exercise your willpower
Believe in your dream and, of course,
Life will not be life, but paradise!

A quarter of a century has flown by
So it's an anniversary
There's still a lot to do
There are many days ahead.

May everything work out wonderfully
Life, work and family,
It will be an interesting holiday
And reliable friends!

We are all familiar with the concept of “midlife crisis” from literature and films, although it is usually applied to men. But age-related crises also occur in women; it’s just that until recently this problem was not so acute. And in modern world ladies have to fight for a place in the sun along with the stronger sex, hence frequent stress and other problems.

At first glance, it may seem that the crisis of 25 years for women is a far-fetched phenomenon; what problems can this age have? In fact, this period is a turning point in the fate of every girl. By the age of 25, you should have completed your studies, obtained a more or less permanent job, and established your personal life. At least that's what public opinion tells us. But in reality, not everyone manages to achieve this ideal; some rely on their career, forgetting about the instincts of starting a family. Others get married in their last years of college, leaving by this age with excellent experience of motherhood, but with a complete lack of professional skills and half-forgotten knowledge. That is, the cause of age-related crises in women is unsettledness in some aspect of life and ignorance of where to move next.

In particular difficult situations Naturally, you should seek the help of a specialist, but in most cases it is possible to figure out the situation yourself. Try to create a comfortable environment without distractions and reflect on what is bothering you.

Do you think that your career can be put on hold because you have a small child? Think about whether success in the professional sphere is really so important to you or is it enough for you to realize yourself as a mother by spending free time for handicrafts, which, with high quality, can generate even a small income. If you don't really want to sit at home and learn the art of housekeeping, think about what you want to do. Moreover, answer this question without being based on education or previous work experience; do not be afraid to radically change your field of activity. It's never too late to try new things, and even more so at your age.

Another point that gives rise to women's age-related crises is doubts about their personal lives. Career cannot replace the absence of a family, in any case, in the eyes of public opinion at this age it is time to get a husband and at least one cute toddler. Resisting the pressure of loved ones and withstanding condemning whispers behind your back is not easy. But you need to understand that those who care about you will definitely support you, and paying attention to the opinions of others is simply stupid.

Often, the crisis of 25 years in women is resolved under the influence of the environment, which does not always offer the right choice. As a result, after some time the state of crisis returns, continuing until the girl herself understands what she wants from life.