What does the phrase “I believe because it is absurd” mean? Alternatives to the phrase “Because I said so” Known uses of this phrase

Classics of the genre. Most often used in conjunction with the phrase “serious relationship”: “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet.” Or to life together. To meet your parents, to a wedding, to the birth of children - to anything serious, in general. In fact, this is such an elegant conclusion: “I’m not ready” does not mean “no,” it means: “Yes, yes, everything will happen, but don’t put pressure on me, honey.” Although in reality this means: “No, of course, we won’t have anything. But for now I’m comfortable this way.”

Let's just lie down, shall we?

Let's lie down and pamper ourselves, but what? A strategically advantageous change of position: in the field of verbal communication you are stronger, in the field of tactile communication he is stronger. Because girls are more often picked up when they are upset. And you, of course, are upset because you feel that he is lying. But he is so warm, big and strong, it’s so nice to snuggle up to him and stop thinking about unpleasant things. About the questions you just asked him, for example.

It's hard for me to talk about this

In fact, it was difficult for him to get this phrase out of himself, because whoever says it immediately looks like a slick, snotty soap opera hero. But what won’t you do to avoid getting caught, right? Oops, gotcha. Have you ever seen a normal living man who talks like that? So we don't.

Don't you trust me?

This is called “putting the blame on the healthy one.” Most likely, you have pinned him against the wall and he has no chance to get out any other way. But you can always be accused of not trusting him. How can you, woman?! Here he is standing in front of you, your closest person, your “soul mate,” and you, looking into his eyes, say that you don’t believe him? “Why trample on my love,” yeah. And at the same time, “Why did Gerasim drown Mumu.” Now you feel guilty, even though he’s lying. Brilliant move.

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How stupid you are, my dear!

A condescending but loving tone instantly puts him in the position of a wise adult, and you in the position of a small and really stupid girl. Girls who have nothing to do, and so they play the relationship game. She suspects something, asks questions - lovely, what a fool! You, of course, don’t want to be this fool, and you retreat.

This is important for both of us, don’t you understand?!

We translate from male lying to human: “You see what a good and devoted person I am! I don’t think about myself at all, I think only about us and our future, and here you are putting a spoke in my wheels with your petty suspicions. How low is that!” Oh well. This, of course, is a wonderful phrase in itself. But you need to carefully look at what comes with it. Usually, unfortunately, it comes with regular delays “at work,” but this means no more money. Although it's important for both of you, yeah.

I would never lie about such things

Right in the forehead! Never - and that's it. In fact, of course, the key words here are “such things.” Important things. Perhaps the most important. The message here is this: look at me, dear, I’m not an angel at all and I could very well lie to you about some nonsense, what’s wrong? Everyone lies, as Dr. House said. But I will never lie about THIS!

“But, mom! Why?". "Because I said so!!!". How easily these words roll off our tongues when children tire us with their whining and repeated requests. But is this correct, should we resort to such a categorical “explanation”?

Let's imagine the following situation. You live across the street from your parents, and your children are constantly running to visit their grandmother. Children love to visit grandma, but you also know that they love to escape to her from their chores, they love her TV, and all the sweets that grandma treats them to as soon as the grandchildren cross the threshold of her house. Therefore, when children ask you for the millionth time a day: “Mom, can we go to grandma?” and hear the answer “No, not now,” they naturally react “But why?” with a hint of drama in his voice. By this time, you are no longer in the best mood and answer them instantly: “Because I said so!”

What's the problem here? Why shouldn't we just say, "Because I said so!" and solve problems this way? After all, this method is very effective, and haven’t many generations of parents used it as an educational tool?

Research in the field of developmental psychology can provide answers to these questions. Psychologists classify parenting styles into four categories based on how dominant and demanding we are and how focused we are on communication, responsiveness, and encouragement. These are the four parenting styles.

• Authoritarian(dictatorial). Characteristics: level of control and exactingness - high; the level of communication, responsiveness and encouragement of children is low. Key phrase for parents: “Because I said so.”
• Authoritative(democratic). Characteristics: level of control and exactingness - high; The level of communication, responsiveness and encouragement of children is high. Parents' key phrase: "Let's solve this together."
• Careless(anarchist). Characteristics: level of control and exactingness - low; the level of communication, responsiveness and encouragement of children is low. Key phrase from parents: “Do as you please, I don’t care.”
• Indulging, allowing(anarchist). Characteristics: level of control and exactingness - low; The level of communication, responsiveness and encouragement of children is high. Key phrase of parents: “Of course, dear, as you say.”

The phrase “Because I said so!”, even if it is uttered in a state of frustration or irritation, pushes us to authoritarian style parenting and not only worsens our relationships with children, but can also lead to children ultimately growing up to be fearful and anxious, less self-confident and poor communicators.

So, what can you say instead of “Because I said so!”? Here are some alternative options:

1. “My answer is “No.” And that's why…"

Firstly, the fact that you make an effort to explain your decision to your child is a sign high level responsiveness and encouragement that reassures children of your unconditional love for them. This indirectly demonstrates to children that no amount of busyness will stop you from talking to them and appreciating them. If you explain your point of view to your children in a calm tone, even in moments of extreme distress, they understand this as “Mom and Dad are ready to talk to me no matter what, in any situation.” If you take the time and are patient with the little things, your kids will know that you are always there to help them with the big things. This promotes communication with children from a very early age and helps lay the foundations for effective communication with them in the future as children grow older.

Secondly, this teaches children respect. If you make it a point to speak calmly to your children (even when they're trying to irritate you) and show them respect, you're setting a truly positive example for them. You show kids how to treat other people (including you!) even in situations of extreme irritation.

Third, our words help children develop comprehensively. Researchers have found that children who hear less words, hear harsher, prohibitive speech, have less vocabulary and are less inclined to dialogue, do not fully develop their intellectual and emotional potential. This same study proved that there is literally a thirty million word gap between children whose parents focus on communication and those whose parents do not. It's not just a huge gap in word count, it's a gap in the relationship between parents and children that is having an impact. Negative influence on the child's mathematical abilities, spatial abilities, persistence, self-regulation, empathy and morality.

Finally, parents' explanations of the reasons for their decisions reduce children's negative reactions and teach them to better communicate their needs. When we make an effort to explain to our children the reason for answering their request, it sets a precedent and lays the foundation for a culture of open communication in the family. So the next time you ask your child to wear a sweater in cold weather, instead of just telling you, “No,” or whining, “I don't want to wear a sweater,” your child might say, “But that sweater is so itchy.”

However, giving reasons does not mean that children will magically agree with you. They will often come back to you every five minutes with the same request. It's important for parents to just accept it and not get annoyed. Keep calm and answer...

2. “Nothing has changed in the past five minutes. My answer is still “No.” The reason is still that..."

One of the core principles of positive parenting should be consistency. Therefore, keep a calm tone of voice and give your child the opportunity to learn that as long as nothing changes, your answer will remain unchanged. Sometimes this is quite enough. Perhaps your children will come to you with a proposal: “If we do our homework and all our housework, can we go to grandma’s after that?”

If you no longer have any reason to object, you can say, “Yes, when you have completed your homework and (clearly list the other activities that the children need to complete by a certain date), you can go.” If, in your opinion, the children will not have time to do homework, do your chores, check on grandma and come back for dinner, explain this to them.

But what if the story doesn't end there? What to do if your children ask you the same question again, just a few minutes after you've given them a thorough explanation. It's time to answer like this...

3. “I have already answered this question for you. Do I look like a person who changes so quickly? own opinion? ("Asked and answered" method).

Some parents are suspicious of this method of positive parenting because it seems a little clumsy. The essence of the method is as follows: when a child asks the same question several times in a row, you ask him: “Have you heard of the rule “Asked and answered” (or otherwise “Asked a question - received an answer”)?” Then you talk through the question that the child has asked you repeatedly and your constant answer to it. After this, you need to ask the child: “Do I look like a parent who changes his own opinion so quickly?”

It should be noted that at this point the child will probably try to defend his point of view, show a not very pleasant facial expression, or simply leave. This is fine. It is also normal to ignore such a reaction from your baby. And from now on, every time your child comes up to you and begins to capriciously beg for something, all you have to say to him is “Asked and answered.”

You don't need to use a lot of words after you've clearly explained the reasons for your decision, but children still try to break you down and get what they want. However, unlike saying, “Because I said so!”, the ask-and-answer method reminds children that you listened to them, responded to their request, and explained the reasons for your answer.

Another important aspect This idea is that it reassures children that you are not the kind of parent who changes their mind in response to whining and whims. This discourages children from using negative methods of persuasion, forcing them to either learn to cope with the emotions caused by upsetting outcomes (thereby developing children's emotional intelligence) or to come up with more positive methods of persuasion (thereby improving their communication and negotiation skills).

4. “I heard you.” But first we will do this because...”

This is the best option. If you have a strong-willed child, a direct “No” answer to his request may not bring the desired results. This approach is more careful and does not involve the word “No,” but at the same time it is just as firm. This phrase makes it clear to the child that you are the authority in the family, but at the same time it does not diminish the importance of the baby himself and assures him that you are listening to him.

This is a great opportunity to communicate with your child. You know that a strong-willed child loves to passionately defend his own opinion. Take this opportunity to discuss your opinions on different issues and find out where you agree with each other. This will let your child know that you care about his feelings and care about what he thinks. And at the same time, you are building a bridge of communication with your baby, instead of waging a war of interests.

If you can't reach an agreement that satisfies both of you, tell your child something like, “Let's try to do it the way I say first, and if that doesn't work, we'll try to implement one of your ideas and just follow this order.” until we come up with something that suits both you and me!”

And again, do not forget to explain the reasons why it is necessary to do as you see fit in the first place. The phrase “Because I am dad (mom)” is no better than the words “Because I said so,” so come up with reasoned explanations for the reasons for your decisions. If you don't have a compelling reason and just think your way is better, it might be time to reconsider.

Another great approach to the “Because I said so!” is as follows...

5. “I said: “No.” Maybe you can tell me why?

Sometimes it’s hard for us to refuse our children. All parents want their children to be happy. However, a state of permanent happiness is not the best option for kids. Sometimes we have to say “No!” We have no choice. However, in these cases we do not have to be categorical about our “no”.

Try to say “no” gently, and then just as gently ask the question “Do you know why I said “no”?” You may be surprised by your child's answer. If the child knows exactly why you said “no,” then the conversation comes to a logical conclusion, since the child understands the reasons for your refusal. If he repeats his request, you should use points No. 2 and 3 of this article. However, there are times when our children simply do not understand why we refuse their request.

When something comes to mind for a strong-willed child, it can be very difficult for parents to convince him otherwise. This is a positive quality, but only if the baby uses it in the right direction. However, it can be very difficult to deal with otherwise. Therefore, when you have to tell such a child “no” or ask him to do something that he does not want to do, try to explain the reasons for your decisions very clearly so that the child understands them and the situation does not develop into conflict and confrontation.

6. “I see that you don’t agree with me. Can you come up with a solution that will satisfy both you and me?”

This is the basis of positive parenting - the ability to support your parental authority and give the child the opportunity to come up with an acceptable solution so that he develops a sense of responsibility and his own will and participates in his upbringing.

For example:

• “I can’t let you go to grandma. You still have homework to do, and dinner is just around the corner. Can you come up with a solution that will be acceptable to both of us?
• “I need to clean your room because we are leaving the house in five minutes. I see that you want to play more. Can you come up with a solution that will be acceptable to both of us?
• “I can’t allow you to hit your sister, even if she took your toy, because it hurts her, and in our family we don’t hurt each other. Think about how you can make sure everyone is satisfied?”

Sometimes children come up with solutions that we could not even suspect. It's important to just give them a chance.

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Almost everyone is familiar with Tertullian’s expression “I believe because it is absurd.” Even those who have never read a line from Quintus Septimius Florence Tertullian (this is his full Roman name. Apostle Paul, as a citizen of Rome, probably had something similar, for example: Saul Paul Benjamin Tarsian :)). As often happens, in fact, this is not an exact phrase, but a paraphrase, a retelling from Tertullian, and it is understood exactly the opposite. Tertullian proceeds from the fact that if we talk about God, we cannot measure Him with our earthly standards, evaluate Him with our human mind. God is beyond our minds. The Siberian felt boot cannot use its simplicity as a tool for understanding the computer. If the felt boot could think, he would have to admit that the computer does not always behave like the felt boot. The difference between a person and God is somewhat greater than between a felt boot and a computer. So, according to Tertullian, you need to be a perfect felt boot to think that God can be fully comprehended using only human experience. A reasonable person, thinking about God, immediately admits that God is greater than his experience and reason. Common sense, logic, tells us that we can only comprehend that which is lower than us in development, or equal to us. It is clear that God is immeasurably higher. He is the creator, and we are the creation trying to understand Him.

Tertullian conveys to the reader the following idea: if people described God, they would never have come up with a single God in three persons. All they got was many gods or just one. They would never have come up with the Incarnation. Not the temporary clothing of the deity in human flesh, in which the body simply serves as a disguise, or only looks like a body, but is not actually one, as the Gnostic Docetes thought. The incarnation of God’s Son into a 100% human with 100% divine properties is beyond any human imagination. For the human mind this is absurd, impossible. A person can imagine Egyptian, Greek, Hindu gods and invent them. It is impossible to invent Christmas, death on the cross and resurrection. That is why Tertullian emphasizes: if the Gospel speaks about this, then the absurdity of the Gospel idea of ​​salvation for the human mind clearly proves the divine origin of this idea and its divine realization. People would never have thought of this. “The Son of God was crucified,” writes Tertullian, “this is not shameful, for it is worthy of shame (from a human point of view, that is, if people had come up with this, they would never have attributed the crucifixion to God - P.N.); and the Son of God died - this is absolutely certain, because it is absurd; and, buried, rose again - this is certain, because it is impossible (based on everything that the human mind knows - P.N.).

This is the meaning of this phrase: “I believe because it is absurd!” The common approach to these words is that in order to believe in Christ, you need to abandon common sense. Meanwhile, everything is exactly the opposite: one must abandon common sense in order to believe that dead matter produced life, that random reactions chemical elements could produce intelligence. As a rule, we see that non-believers are actually very believers. Only they, unlike Christians, attribute divine properties to matter, making it eternal, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, the creator of everything. Which turns them into completely primitive idolaters.

Advertising rarely contains information that can be “understood.” This is rational advertising, in which the emphasis is placed on the real competitive advantages of the product, price comparison, and indication of discounts. Something that can be logically calculated or persuaded. "35" does not fall into this category. It also does not fall into the category of “sensitive” advertising, where we identify with the hero and experience comfort and pleasure with him, thanks to empathy.

The video mainly affects brand recall. It is provided by:
- bright, contrasting colors, red background color is one of the most exciting colors, heroines most often wear contrasting colors blue clothes- contrast also attracts attention
- the video is dynamic, accelerated, with frequent flashing frames, “fun” fast audio - leads nervous system into excitement, and emotional intensity also increases memorability
- the video is filled with sound markers - specific, well-remembered sounds that are ingrained in the memory - typical “squeaks, gasps and crunches”. they are somewhat artificial, even a little annoying - but it is impossible to forget them. They use involuntary memory and create the possibility of purely audio “reminders” - for example, on the radio, without video and very short - only the end of the video with “because 35”
- the video contains a suggestion. The “plot” is hard to read, it practically doesn’t exist as a complete logical scenario, but there is a compelling “because”. The phrase with the connective “because” hints at some justification, proof that it really has a reason. that is, the choice of candy bar "has a reason." We perceive all this chaos of sound and color, we “comprehend” the first part of the video too well, but then they allegedly explain to us “because 35.” So, we are left with the feeling that the choice has been proven to us, or we are completing the “logic” ourselves, concluding it.
- plus, for the sake of completeness of the analysis, the female image in advertising is intended to appeal to a female audience - the main connoisseurs of sweets.

Sorry, but as an advertising specialist I cannot agree with a single word in this description. This is an excellent example of how a client comes with a stupid idea, which the performer takes to the point of absurdity, with approximately the following description: “and red symbolizes desire,” “the image of a woman is conducive to buying.” This is nonsense from 15-year-old textbooks, which were once used in America and then translated into Russian. Maybe this once worked, about 70 years ago, when television appeared. Now this video causes nothing but irritation. The authors naively believe that advertising should be memorable, but this is not the case. Advertising should encourage people to buy the product. This one doesn't encourage. No tricks like “the phrase “because” is the rationale for the purchase” will fix this.

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" Wise people speak because they have something to say. Fools because they have to say something ." Plato

The words we speak can be interpreted in different ways: positive, negative or neutral.

Intelligent, emotionally mature people usually speak in a cautious manner, choosing words to minimize a negative or obscure response.

Of course, we've all said something we later regretted. Perhaps our words hurt others, intentionally or accidentally, and we wanted to take them back.

Emotional intelligence is defined by the ability to recognize, manage and express emotions and regulate relationships. It relates to the ability to relate to other people's emotions and experiences.

This type of intelligence plays a decisive role in what to say and what to remain silent about.

Here 10 phrases that emotionally intelligent people try to avoid.

Phrases that should not be said

1. "It's not fair."

Yes, life is unfair, and this is what adults understand. Perhaps what happened was unfair, perhaps even grossly unfair. However, we must remember that the people around us often do not know about what happened, and even if they are privy to the details, this phrase does not solve the problem.

No matter how difficult it may be, focus your attention and efforts on solving the problem.

You will feel better, maintain your dignity and possibly solve the problem.

2. "You look tired."

The point is this: you have absolutely no idea what is going on in a person's life.

When you say, “You look tired,” no matter how good your intentions are, this makes it clear to a person that his problems are visible to everyone.

Instead, rephrase your sentence or question in a more empathetic way. For example, “Are you okay?” to show the person that you care about what is happening to them.

3. "For your age..."

For example, “You look great for your age” or “For a woman, you have achieved a lot.”

Chances are that the person you're talking to is well aware of age and gender bias and may be offended by it.

No need to make reservations, just give a compliment.

4. “As I said earlier...”

Who among us hasn't forgotten something from time to time? This phrase implies that you are offended by having to repeat yourself, and that you are somehow better than the other person.

To be fair, repeating the same thing over and over again can be annoying to someone. Refrain from expressing your irritation and try to clarify what you wanted to say.

Just remind the person from time to time.

The meaning of phrases

5. “You never” or “You always”

As a rule, these words are pronounced sarcastic or overly dramatic. Very often they are used to offend someone either out of anger or contempt.

Justify what exactly the person did and provide details. For example, “I noticed what you keep doing… is there anything I can do to help/is there anything I need to know?”

6. "Good luck"

Many might argue that this phrase should not be uttered, and quite rightly so.

But there is a logical explanation for this: luck takes the result out of a person's hands and subjects it to external influences or chance.

Has anyone ever used their powers to win the lottery? No, it's luck.

Phrase " I know that you have all the necessary qualities" can boost a person's confidence better than the concept of luck.

7. "It doesn't matter to me."

When someone asks for your opinion, they do so expecting a constructive response, any response. When you say that "It doesn't matter to me," it implies that either the situation is not of great importance to you or the time it takes to respond is not a priority.

Instead of this, get to know the person's situation better. If you don't have enough time, suggest another time when you can listen to him.

8. "With all due respect..."

Stop and think about whether the words you say now are actually influenced by the degree of respect for him?

If you can honestly answer yes, go ahead. Just remember that the way you speak, your gestures and facial expressions, as well as your intonation will immediately make it obvious whether it is said with respect or not.

On the other hand, if this phrase is uttered on autopilot in order to wedge itself into a conversation that has nothing to do with respect, it is best to hold back.

9. "I told you so"

This phrase is full of arrogance and a sense of superiority. When you read this phrase, you probably imagine children playing on a playground, which makes it sound childish and immature.

You have warned a person about the consequences of certain actions, and perhaps he has learned his lesson.

Find another way to communicate with someone who made a bad decision without expressing contempt. Perhaps the person needs help that we cannot give.

10. "I give up."

Although this phrase seems quite innocent, it is a statement that we are unable to overcome something that is right in front of our noses. Perhaps it's a terrible boss, a difficult project, or an arrogant employee.

But remember that you are much stronger, smarter, more capable than you think. There is nothing you can't overcome. " I can" are the only words you need.