Instead of the usual: “I don’t know, sorry,” you can calmly answer the question: “Unfortunately, I don’t know, but ask someone else.” You don't have to apologize for not knowing some things. For example, how to get to this or that street. Usually such behavior is not limited to the street, for example, and people apologize for everything around them at work or at home. Even for things that are not their fault at all. How can this situation be changed?

Guilt in my head

Your apologies on the tongue are guilt in the head. Typically, people who frequently use apologies in their vocabulary feel guilty before society.
Of course, with such a problem there is a problem that will definitely help solve it. But as an option, it’s worth trying to correct this situation at home, as they say.

You need to understand that, in principle, no one on the street usually cares about your gait or clothes. And those who consider it their duty to react to your appearance or words will move on. Therefore, there is no need to pay attention to such behavior.

The most important thing is to note in your head the idea that you have every right to be yourself and even defend it.

Everyone can be wrong

A very natural thing that somehow still needs to be taught to people. In fact, each of us makes mistakes many, many times throughout our lives. We do the wrong things and regret them. Sometimes it’s too strong and too often that we forget about today’s life. About what is happening now.
Therefore, think and decide for yourself, do you want to depend on a wrong action all your life? Do you want to put your future on the altar of this mistake, which perhaps only you remember?

We are sure that no one needs this. The main thing is to admit this mistake and understand that you will not repeat it again. Then the conclusions from your actions will become truly useful for the future and present.

Others can't decide for you

You are a conscious person. You are an adult woman or man, you have experience in dealing with life and problems, you can analyze yourself and those around you. Is it true? So you can be aware of yourself. And if so, then the opinions of other people regarding your behavior cannot become the decisive criterion in decision-making. Naturally, it’s worth listening to other people, seeing yourself through different eyes. Often, this is very important for setting priorities.
But listening to each and every one, always following other people’s advice, without choosing the most sensible and important ones, is stupid.

Always focus only on your feelings and sensations, because this is only your life. And only you will have to answer for it.

Only you can live in harmony with yourself. Understand your pain. After all, if you have a stomach ache, only you can explain this feeling to the doctor. It's the same with everything else.

Hear yourself

As written above, it would be good to hear other people and take their opinions into account. In other words, to be in harmony with society. But you only need to listen to yourself. Placing the blame on your own shoulders puts you at risk. Even if you are used to apologizing for every little thing or for having your foot stepped on in public transport. Despite the habit of saying “Sorry,” listen to yourself. Is it necessary to say this word in a situation where you are not to blame? Most likely no. In most cases, it's just a habit. Like smoking or junk food. And you can refuse it if you want.

Start to notice what you say

We pronounce most words “automatically”. We just say them every day and get used to them that we no longer hear ourselves at that moment.
So, to give up the bad habit of apologizing to people around you, start noticing your speech. Chances are, you have no idea how often you apologize.

Excuses never do much good. Moreover, by making excuses and shifting the blame from ourselves to other people’s shoulders, we bring even greater guilt upon ourselves.

Such behavior provokes additional reasons for apologizing and making excuses in our lives. For example, we make excuses to our boss for not fulfilling the plan, and after a while the director makes excuses to us for having to cut our bonus.

By shifting the blame to someone else, you give the power to control you and your affairs to an unforeseen factor that you cannot control. By making excuses, you relieve yourself of responsibility for what happened to you. You become helpless and dependent on circumstances and other people. Moreover, you do this by your own consent. This means that it is also within your power to change your behavior.

When a woman complains that her mother coaxed her into marriage, or a mother tells a child that her father's alcoholism prevented her from raising him properly, the main message they are conveying is their own helplessness. Consciously or not, they come up with excuses for their failures.

Since the desire to make excuses very quickly becomes a habit, a person’s brain independently begins to come up with situations and circumstances that cannot be controlled and which force him to make excuses more often. Such behavior can lead to accidents, illness, lack of time and money, and dishonesty of others. But it is worth understanding that we attract these situations ourselves, with our thoughts, feelings and words.

Prevent unpleasant situations and become the master of fate This is only possible if you understand a few simple rules:

• We are responsible for what we say, think, feel and do to ourselves and others.

• You need to learn to be responsible for everything that happens to you.

• Don't shift the blame to others.

• No matter what happens, always tell yourself: “Everything is going the way I want,” even if it’s not.

In this way, you form a useful attitude that will help you avoid unfavorable situations and unpleasant people in the future. Let your motto from today be the phrase: “The responsibility is mine.”

Once you stop struggling with illness, hostility, tardiness and irresponsibility, you will no longer be a victim of circumstances and will become the master of your destiny. You will forget about depression, economic crisis and epidemics, you will become successful and achieve happiness, because you will understand the simple truth - no one and nothing can harm you until you allow it.

When we stop making excuses, we change our lives for the better. We gain self-confidence. Let's stop letting others down. People around us begin to trust us. We deserve respect not only from others, but also from ourselves.

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Let's talk about excuses - about those excuses that arise when we do something wrong, or when we are told that we are mistaken and wrong, in general, about those cases when we do not want to change something or do something. Think about whether justifications help - the mind sometimes invents, and often gives quite logical and convincing arguments in favor of its being right, but does this change our lives for the better? In fact, most often excuses are just deception, not of others, but of ourselves. But to start living consciously, you need to become honest with yourself, read on - how to stop making excuses.

Self-deception or lying to yourself

People around us sometimes point out our shortcomings or wrong behavior, or we ourselves point out wrong behavior to others - who cares which is closer, and most often in such situations people begin to make excuses. Honestly and calmly admitting that you are wrong is extremely difficult, so few people can do this, especially if the person is under pressure at that moment. The more pressure, the more difficult it is for a person to admit that he was mistaken or did something wrong - this is a note.

As a rule, a person makes excuses because he is sincerely confident that there are no deviations in his behavior, Almost every person is convinced that he lives correctly. And most often, a person makes excuses on an unconscious level, he simply automatically turns on defensive reactions, and the reason for this is our mind. As long as the mind continues to constantly take over our behavior, we will never be able to stop making excuses.

“For one who has mastered the mind, it becomes the best friend, but for one who has not succeeded, the mind remains the worst enemy.” Bhagavad-Gita, 6.6

The mind is like a child, it reaches out to what it likes and rebels when it doesn’t like something. Most people live precisely on the platform of the mind, starting to protest and condemn when something does not suit them, in a particular case, justifying themselves and blaming others, trying to smooth out their guilt by shifting it onto others. How to live consciously - you need to learn to observe your mind, do not let him take over the situation. Mind is within us, the behavior of such a person is, as a rule, spontaneous - that is, in response to behavior and words that the person does not like, an instant, most often unconscious reaction occurs.

Such a person begins to be indignant - some out loud, openly expressing protest and disagreement, and some in his mind - yes, he doesn’t know me, but I’m really not like that, I’m different, etc. For many people, there is a war between the mind and the mind - the mind argues in favor of the right actions, saying, “You’re wrong, admit it,” and the mind says, “You’re not to blame for anything, if anyone is to blame, it’s others, only you.” look at them". The mind will bring up hundreds of arguments just to justify itself, since it is very painful for our mind to admit that we are wrong; the mind does its best to avoid violence against itself.

As we have already said, the mind is drawn to what is pleasant to it, which is why a person, as a rule, endures criticism and reproaches addressed to him so painfully, or when they forcefully try to correct a person for the better. How to stop making excuses - using the power of the mind Having recognized that he was wrong, he is able to set goals and go towards achieving them, show willpower, and distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. But, more often than not, the mind smashes all the arguments of the mind to smithereens and wins.

One of the most favorite phrases of the mind in the case of excuses "Yes, but". For example, they say something to you: “You know, this is what you did, and I think it’s wrong.” And you seem to agree, saying “Yes, you’re right, but...”, and this “but” actually completely crosses out the “yes”, discounting it. Excuses mean that I am right, excuses mean not admitting that you are wrong, making excuses means not taking responsibility for your life, making excuses is the same as saying that I am not to blame and there is nothing wrong in my behavior.

I can find hundreds of excuses for my wrong behavior, but this does not make life any better. I can criticize other people, giving convincing arguments in favor of their guilt, but this does not make life any better. With each excuse like this, life will get worse and worse, so I choose another one. life path, Living consciously means being able to admit when you are wrong.

“It is impossible to help someone who does not want to change their life” Hippocrates

How to stop making excuses - you need to understand and realize that excuses do not improve our lives in any way. Justifications do not in any way contribute to thinking and comprehending one’s behavior; they do not allow one to draw conclusions from incorrect behavior. Excuses provide not just freedom, but a loophole - so that you can do wrong. Excuses cling to a thin thread of truth, when the general truth, as a rule, looks otherwise. He has a resourceful mind, he is able to find everywhere something that he could grab onto in order to live comfortably, and find shortcomings there, in accordance with which it would be inconvenient to live.

For example, if a person is divorced, he says, “Many people are happier in their second marriage,” and if there are children in the family, then such a person can argue that there are families where the child was raised by two parents, and it is not clear who grew up, and there are cases , when one parent, and grew up to be a wonderful person. The same with smoking and alcohol - there you can find people who sometimes lived for a hundred years and did not die from these, but the fact that several thousand people die from this per day, many do not attach any importance, sincerely believing that this is not about them.

There is truth in this, of course, but in order to stop making excuses, in order to start living consciously, you need to understand and accept that there is only a grain of truth in this, and, as a rule, a much smaller fraction. And there are countless such cases where you can find an excuse. When people begin to go to extremes, they most often simply make excuses. Such a person, having heard an idea with which he does not agree, will try to interject reverse example, often exaggerated or simply presented in an extreme form, in order to cross out a thought that is not to their liking.

Or when a person has read an article or heard a person talk about how to live correctly, and inserts a comment like “Everyone has their own path” or “Each case is unique.” Often behind such words there are again justifications - the mind seems to whisper to the person “No, no, no, in our case everything is different, our case is an exception to the rule - quickly insert your word to calm down.” In this case, a person rejects the path that was described or told, but at the same time he often does not know his own path, he himself has not taken any path in life, or as they sometimes joke, “How did a person take the spiritual path, just stands there and doesn’t move.”

On the other hand, I think that while reading the article, someone already had “Yes, but” and attempts to go to some extreme, for example, why should I, after incorrect behavior, reproach myself by engaging in self-criticism. Extremes are always bad - after wrong actions, we should not blame ourselves and drive ourselves into a corner, engaging in self-torture, which will be written about later.

Honesty with yourself or how to live consciously

The philosophy “All the problems are outside, but everything is fine with me” does not bring positive results to our lives. Stop reassuring yourself with justifying speeches, stop criticizing only others, while continuing to consider yourself soft and fluffy. begin with sincerity and truthfulness towards oneself. When we are honest with ourselves, we soberly assess the situation, we see what we need to work on, what we need to change in our character and behavior. Just monitor the state when you begin to make excuses; it is with observation of ourselves that the change in our behavior begins.

“If you seek perfection, seek to change yourself, not others.” Unknown author

How to live consciously - you need to choose the golden mean. If a person makes excuses, it means that he does not admit that he was wrong, and such a person thinks that I don’t need to improve, everything is fine with me, I don’t have any problems - such a person is not progressing one bit. On the other hand, sometimes someone is really crushed by the burden of incorrect behavior, when he is highly concentrated on shortcomings, he is crushed by all the bad things that are in him. Such a person cannot take a single step, he is sometimes crushed so much - usually under the influence of his own criticism - that he does not even see a breakthrough. He does not know how to get out from under the rubble of his own wrong actions, not seeing where to move, in what direction.

Try not to overwhelm yourself with this pile. , failures, negative traits character and wrong behavior are not a garbage dump that should put pressure on you, roughly speaking, poking you at how bad and imperfect you are. Let this dump of your shortcomings be simply in your sight, as if under the windows - as a reminder that there is something to work on, but do not dive into this pile, do not plunge into a broken state. Acceptance of a situation is when we understand and accept that it was - it was, we did everything we could, unless of course you really made efforts to improve this or that situation, and did not just make excuses.

Every person in this life makes mistakes, everyone has some shortcomings., but this does not mean putting an end to your life. Divorced - it happens, draw at least some conclusions from what happened. Don't blame others, at least, look into yourself - and this will be a huge step. Repentance is admitting to yourself and seeing specific sins; just try not to repeat the same mistakes in life, learn a lesson from every situation - this is living consciously. Sometimes fate leads a person through life in such a way that he has no other choice (just don’t think that this is exactly your case), so it is very important to learn how to correctly relate to the events happening around you.

“The greatest glory is not in never failing, but in being able to rise every time you fall.” Confucius

To stop making excuses, you need to become honest with yourself - learn to admit your mistakes and wrong behavior, this is the beginning. Any person can make excuses - there is not an ounce of strength or self-control in this; to freak out and criticize others - you don’t need a lot of intelligence. Until you are honest with yourself, you will continue to live in the illusion created by your mind, and your life will never change for the better. The mind always makes excuses, the ego shows off, but the soul is humble. Before you judge others, first look inward, pay attention to yourself.

It is also necessary to receive feedback from other people regarding their behavior. Many think out, and sometimes openly decide for other people, what is more pleasant and useful for them, when these people themselves often dream and desire something completely different. You need to be attentive when listening to the needs of other people - try to understand and find out what this or that person really needs.

How to stop making excuses - when they say to you that you did wrong, try to hear the other person and listen to him, of course, without fanaticism - that is, you don’t need to constantly be in some kind of paranoid state, and look for your sins and work on their correction. To stop making excuses, you need to accept the fact that you can make mistakes and be mistaken. If two or three people say the same words to you, paying attention to your behavior, this is a reason to think about your behavior. And even more so, if everyone around says that the problem is with you, then the so-called Bob principle comes into play: “When Bob has problems with everyone, the main problem is usually Bob himself.”

But also remember that we should be moderately lenient, both to ourselves and to others. Is there any point in reproaching something that cannot be changed, but at the same time we should try our best to do the right thing. I am not inclined to live within the framework of some dogma, when a step to the left or a step to the right means execution. There are simply principles by which we should try to live; if we make mistakes, it is better to honestly admit them and, if possible, try to correct them, or at least draw the necessary conclusions that would help in the future. This means living consciously, and this is much better than living in deception, giving excuses for your behavior every time.

Have you ever caught yourself making excuses when talking to someone? Quite often, when you talk to people, you hear excuses in speech. Justifications for their choices, for their actions, for desires, for words, emotions, feelings... Yes, whatever, some make excuses, in general, for their existence. You can, of course, call this an explanation, but the point here is not what they say, but how. It's a matter of intonation and pressure. Excuses are uttered or written out of a feeling of guilt, defense, protection, a desire to prevent new questions, out of a feeling that you are wrong, that you have said some nonsense, etc.

Not everything they do, even if they consider themselves super-duper aware and advanced. Not everyone realizes that they begin to make excuses when they talk about something. Even, sometimes, articles or comments on VK are detailed justifications, in some way. So let's start with how to start noticing it.

Start asking yourself questions: “Why do I say what I say, why do I write what I write? What kind of reaction do I want to get from the listener (actually) when telling or commenting? How do I feel now when I say this? From what feeling am I speaking or writing now? What motive drives me? " Start tracking your emotional states, be aware of your true motives for words, comments, etc. This will give you a lot of information about yourself and the present state of your consciousness.

Most often, people hide a lot from themselves, afraid to admit to themselves their true feelings and motives. They justify themselves in their own eyes. Like, it’s because he did this to me, it’s because life is like this now, it’s because I have this, I have that, because I know better, I have this experience, because I’m in the flow and in high vibrations and etc... Therefore, attentiveness to one’s feelings leads some to “revelations”.

Those who feel deeply wrong, who doubt what they say and do, who feel rejected, bad, dirty, unworthy, ugly, guilty, who are rejected by everyone, who vitally need attention, approval, acceptance, are justified. , Love. Those who are not ready to take responsibility for their actions and desires. I’m exaggerating, of course, but only lightly.)))

All this can be attributed to. Moreover, in childhood, parents often refused, scolded for no reason, brushed someone aside, did not pay enough attention, compared with someone and not in your favor, blamed for their failures, etc. But this also didn’t just happen. It is no coincidence that you had just such parents.

You can carry out long excavations in memory, look for imprints and do re-imprinting, which can help if you have found the earliest imprint, the very first painful event of its kind in this life. Or you can use more direct methods. For me, they are more natural.

You can, for example, stop explaining anything to yourself altogether. Both for yourself and for others. If you feel an itch inside, to explain something when you are not asked, or to urgently tell how it really is - feel it, but remain silent! Don't say anything! Even to yourself! Just watch what is happening inside you. I understand that it will be difficult if you are not used to it, but you will get a very interesting experience.

You can ask yourself questions: “Why is it important for me to justify myself? If I am justified, what becomes available to me? What then can I feel? How will I feel if I don’t justify myself?” As always, I will say that it is better for you to answer these questions yourself, it will be more therapeutic. But in order to continue to expand on the topic, I will continue.

Naturally, excuses are needed. And if I am accepted and loved, then I can relax and be myself. Then I can accept and love myself. But in reality this means complete peace and happiness. And not knowing how to simply be relaxed, calm, happy, how to feel love and acceptance, how to simply be, we begin to make excuses. This is a bypass way for the mind to relax and accept itself. After all, in fact, we make excuses to ourselves, and not to people.

We cannot know what another person thinks about us, how he really perceives us. But we “know everything” about ourselves! We have already painted a portrait of ourselves, whom everyone loves and accepts, whose opinion is taken into account, whom everyone respects and appreciates, who is the smartest among all, the most beautiful, the most loving, the nicest, the most advanced, who is simply ideal. And if we do something that contradicts this image, if we have a desire that contradicts this image, then we begin to justify ourselves to ourselves. Or there is another image of yourself, completely opposite. And then even the excuses become simple. Everything in life is justified by this image of an unfortunate loser, lonely and abandoned.

But if we honestly look at ourselves, then what if we know something, what is it? Isn't it an illusion? And so do other people. What difference does it make what a person thinks about me if what he thinks is just his ideas that have nothing to do with reality? Is it worth adapting to these ideas, much less justifying them?

We all look at each other through the filters of our concepts and ideas about ourselves and the world. Through intellect, memory, subjective experience, through emotional habits, natural instincts, desires... We do not look directly as it is. And in the same way, we do not see ourselves as we are, we only see ideas, concepts, trends, emotions, desires, etc. So is it worth taking this mental tinsel so seriously? Should someone we don’t even know take themselves so seriously?

But that's exactly what we do. It is our serious attitude towards our ideas, experience, emotions, our truth that creates so much tension and builds such complex labyrinths in our consciousness that we are afraid to destroy. After all, if one brick falls from this slender structure, everything will collapse. Everything will collapse and the ugly truth about ourselves will be revealed. The truth that we are so afraid of. Which we are so afraid to admit to ourselves. And although this is also not a fact, because we don’t know ourselves. And in fact, it would be very good if this structure collapses, but fear is fear.

The truth is that you are not what you want to appear to be. It’s true that you don’t love yourself, that you don’t accept yourself and judge yourself, that you’re afraid of being alone, that you’re afraid of being helpless. And simply, the truth is that you don’t know yourself. You don't know who you are. Usually they are afraid of this, although such truth is very relaxing and relieves a lot of tension. But they are afraid only because they cannot accept it, accept it as it is.

But here is one way - Accept and relax. Stop resisting her and proving to yourself and others the opposite. Acceptance of this reduces dependence on evaluation, or removes it completely if acceptance is complete and total. I understand that this may not be easy, but since you have already realized a lot, then why stop. I will not describe the technical side of the issue; this is usually done during trainings. But there is no escape from acceptance.

And if you have calmed down about yourself, then the opportunity arises to simply calmly relax and, without expectations, direct attention to yourself. In this way you come to self-enquiry. You begin to wonder who you really are.

You can, of course, immediately engage in atmavichara and not waste time on different acceptance practices. Find out immediately who you are. Who makes excuses, who needs it, who is afraid? At once realize that there is nothing to accept, and there is no one to accept. That everything that you have thought up for yourself and piled up in your mind is an illusion that has no relation to reality, like the ego/mind mechanism itself. But this is not a quick process for everyone (it can even take several years). And although it is instantaneous, like here and now, like an instantaneous insight, it is not so easy to approach it. Otherwise, you would be surrounded only by conscious and knowledgeable people.

And therefore, it is proposed to use personal practices, self-exploration, and meditation in parallel (I am currently making a series of videos about this, and there are still many days of the project - I will have time to write about it). In general, use everything that will help you become calmer, happier, more confident, etc. And most importantly, more loving - this is the main criterion.

When you know yourself, then naturally excuses, as a normal communication pattern, disappear from speech. Because you don’t need the assessment of others and their disposition towards you. You don't need their permission to be and manifest. You simply are as you are. You exist just like everyone else. And this is natural and normal. And just the same, everything is as it is. There are desires, such as there are. You make some choices, and everyone does it. And that's great! Everything happens as it happens. You lose appreciation for everything that surrounds you and yourself. And if there is no assessment, no measure, then what needs to be explained then? And to whom? We can explain something, but the internal motive is completely different.