How is family life related to the life of society? Traditional family life is sacred. Problems of development of a young family and marriage in modern society

Family life

The noble family at all times had a certain, traditional way of life, regulated at the legislative level.

We have already briefly reviewed these regulations, and now it is our turn to look at the noble family through the eyes of its members.

For this purpose, I selected sources of personal origin, namely diaries and memoirs of nobles, covering both the first and second half in time frame. XIX century.

Family structure is a style of family behavior. The family structure depends on the position of the family, its class and level of well-being. Family structure is the rhythm of family life, the dynamics of its development, the stability of spiritual and moral principles, the psychological climate, and emotional well-being.

What were the general features of the noble family structure?

In the first half XIX centuries, the noble family was dominated by patriarchy and hierarchy.

The head of the family was always recognized as the father - through whose efforts the family lived, secured in many ways precisely by his efforts in financial and moral terms.

In the notes of P.I. Golubev, a St. Petersburg official of the 30s, we find that he served diligently, and brought all the means and favors to the family. He called his wife “you” and by her first name and patronymic, but she, in turn, treated him with respect and followed him everywhere.

While he was away at work, his wife took care of the house and children.

They had two children - a boy and a girl. As P.I. writes Golubev:

“I only worked with my son, the mother worked with her daughter.” In the evenings, the family loved to have conversations, they also went to church, diligently invested energy and resources into the future lives of their children - their son was given a university education, their daughter was married off.

The division of the family into male and female hierarchies can be traced in women's memoirs. M.S. Nikoleva and A.Ya. Butkovskaya constantly mentions in her memoirs that their social circle always consisted of either sisters, or cousins, or numerous aunts and acquaintances of their mothers, mothers-in-law, etc. In the family home or at a party, the rooms allocated to them always meant a “female half” and were distant from the men’s quarters.

But this does not mean at all that they shunned male relatives; brothers and cousins also formed their social circle, but to a very small extent. It's all about the role of men - they were busy with business, or were absent on duty. Brothers M.S. Nikoleva spent quite a long time away from her family, as she was in the active army and fought against the French. A similar situation developed among Nikoleva’s other relatives. Here's what she writes about her aunt's son, cousin Pyotr Protopopov:

“Peter Sergeevich, having spent 30 years in the service, was unaccustomed to female society and therefore seemed like a savage and an original. Until the age of 45, he visited his family only occasionally for short periods of time. “The second brother, Nikolai Sergeevich, served in the ministry in St. Petersburg, was devout, belonged to the Masonic lodge, and rarely visited his parents.”

After the death of her husband A.Ya. Butkovskaya wrote:

“In 1848, my husband, who held the rank of lieutenant general engineer and director of the Naval Construction Department, suddenly died of apoplexy. Of course, in the past years we had heavy family losses, but this event was especially sensitive to me and completely changed my life.

I retired to my estate and began to take less part in public life. During the Hungarian campaign, the Eastern War, two of my sons were in the active forces, and I was involuntarily interested in the course of military events.”

Young women, unlike their male relatives, were almost always under the shadow of their parents' home, under the care of their mother, or older relatives or companions, nannies, and governesses. And only after marriage did they throw off such harsh shackles of excessive guardianship, although they came under the wing of their mother-in-law or their husband’s relatives.

Patriarchy in relation to women also had its exceptions to the rules. If a man is the head of the family, then after his death this leadership passed, as a rule, to his widow, or to the eldest son, if he was not busy in the service.

“The behavior of widows, who were entrusted with the responsibilities of the status of head of the family, was freer. Sometimes, having transferred actual control to their son, they were satisfied with the role of the symbolic head of the family. For example, the Moscow general-governor Prince D.V. Golitsyn, even in small things, must ask for the blessing of his mother Natalya Petrovna, who continued to see a minor child in the sixty-year-old military leader.”

Besides the role of the wife, the role of the mother was considered the most important. However, after the birth of a child, a distance immediately arose between him and the mother. This began from the very first days of the baby’s life, when, for reasons of decency, the mother did not dare to breastfeed her child; this responsibility fell on the shoulders of the nurse.

P.I. Golubev wrote that due to the custom of weaning a child from his mother’s breast, he and his wife lost two babies. The first daughter died from improper feeding while they were looking for a wet nurse, the second son died after contracting a disease from his wet nurse.

Taught by bitter experience, they moved away from the custom and his wife, contrary to decency, herself fed the subsequent children, thanks to which they remained alive.

But the custom of weaning children from their mother’s breast continued until the end of the 19th century.

The cooling towards the child as an individual was determined by his social role in the future. The son was alienated from his mother, since he was being prepared to serve his homeland and his circle of interests, activities, acquaintances was under her jurisdiction only until he was seven years old, then he went to his father. The mother could only monitor her son's progress. The girl was seen as a future wife and mother, and this resulted in the family’s special attitude towards her - they tried to make an ideal out of her.

V.N. Karpov wrote in his memoirs:

“In those years, the “women’s question” (the question of changing the role of women, including in the family) did not exist at all. A girl was born into the world - and the task of her life was simple and not difficult. The girl grew and developed so that at the age of seventeen she could blossom into a magnificent flower and get married.”

From this follows another characteristic feature of the noble family structure of the first half XIX century is a chilled relationship between children and parents. The generally accepted goal of the family is to prepare its children to serve the fatherland or the family of the spouse. The relationship between parents and children was built on this goal. Duty to society became more important than parental feelings.

In families of wealthy nobles leading a secular lifestyle, where spouses were found either at court, or the spouse held a high-ranking position, visits with children became a rare occurrence. Such children were either left in the care of nannies or sent to prestigious educational boarding schools.

Ah. In his youth he remained in the care of his father's relatives:

“I lived with my uncle, my father’s brother; my aunt, an excellent woman, took all the care of me personally.”

The practice of transferring care of their child to relatives was quite common among the nobility. This happened for various reasons - orphanhood, social life, or the plight of the parents.

M.S. Nikoleva described the following incident in her aunt’s family:

“Among the Protopopovs’ relatives was a certain Kutuzov with nine daughters and a son. The daughters were all good-looking. The mother, a capricious, self-willed woman, remained a widow, did not like one of her daughters, Sofya Dmitrievna, and did not give her shelter, except for the girls' room, where, in the company of servants, she sat on the window and knitted a stocking. My aunt, seeing the mother’s dislike for the child, took her into her house. Her cousins fell in love with her and began to teach her everything she could...

When brother Peter retired, he found Sonechka, 15, living in his family for years, like her own...

Her mother completely forgot her and did not see her, so even after her aunt’s death she remained in the Protopopovs’ house.”

We can come to the conclusion that during the period of time we are considering, the essence of noble children was inevitable service in the social hierarchy. Patriarchy dictated which unwanted and undeserving emotions of the child should be suppressed. “Not a single emotion - fear, pity, even maternal love - was considered a reliable guide in education.”

Therefore, marriages between nobles were concluded both for love and for convenience. What remained constant was the fact that marriage issues were controlled by parents, guided only by practical benefits and not by the feelings of their children. Hence the early marriages of girls with men two or even three times older.

K.D. Ikskul in “The Marriage of My Grandfather” gives the age of the groom as twenty-nine years old, and the bride as twelve.

M.S. Nikoleva writes that her cousin Peter, out of strong love, married their mother’s pupil Sophia, who was only fifteen years old, but he was twice as old.

AND I. Butkovskaya, in her “stories,” describes how her thirteen-year-old sister became the wife of the chief prosecutor, who was forty-five years old.

In noble culture, marriage was considered a natural need and was one of the meaningful structures of life. Celibate life was condemned in society; it was looked upon as inferiority.

Parents, especially mothers, approached their daughter’s upbringing with full responsibility, both in matters of behavior and in matters of marriage.

Countess Varvara Nikolaevna Golovina wrote in her memoirs regarding her daughter Praskovya Nikolaevna:

“My eldest daughter was almost nineteen years old at that time, and she began to go out into the world...

Her tender and sensitive affection for me protected her from the hobbies so characteristic of youth. Outwardly, she was not particularly attractive, was not distinguished by either beauty or grace and could not inspire dangerous feelings, and her strong moral convictions protected her from everything that could harm her.”

Countess M.F. Kamenskaya, remembering her cousin Varenka, wrote:

“I loved Varenka very much, and she and I were very friendly for many years in a row, but I didn’t like my aunt’s shy, distrustful manner of treating her daughter at all. Ekaterina Vasilyevna kept Varenka close to her as if on a string, did not let her go one step away from her, did not allow her to speak freely with anyone, and for whole days did not stop training her in a high-society manner.”

E.A. Gan described in her work “The Court of Light” the whole essence of a woman in marriage:

“God gave a woman a wonderful destiny, although not as glorious, not as loud as he indicated to a man - the destiny of being a domestic penate, a comforter to a chosen friend, the mother of his children, to live the life of loved ones and to march with a proud brow and a bright soul towards the end of a useful existence »

If a woman’s attitude towards marriage changed, then for men it remained unchanged throughout XIX century. A man started a family in order to find heirs and a mistress, a warm friend or a good adviser.

The fate of Lieutenant General Pavel Petrovich Lansky is noteworthy. His first marriage was concluded in 1831 with the ex-wife of a colleague, Nadezhda Nikolaevna Maslova. Lansky's mother was categorically against this union and after the wedding broke off relations with her son. And ten years later, having given birth to two children, his dear wife ran away from him, with her lover, to Europe. It is known that the divorce process lasted about twenty years. And having become free, Pavel Petrovich marries for the second time a poor relative of his former wife, the elderly Evdokia Vasilievna Maslova. The motive for the marriage was the noble heart of Lansky, who wanted to brighten up the loneliness of the old maid.

A.S. Pushkin, in a letter to Pletnev, wrote the famous lines after his marriage to Natalya Nikolaevna Goncharova:

“I’m married and happy; My only wish is that nothing in my life changes - I can’t wait for anything better. This state is so new to me that it seems that I have been reborn.”

A. H. Benckendorff described his feelings in connection with his marriage no less eloquently:

“Finally, nothing else stood in the way of my plans to get married; I had time to think them through during the eight months that I was separated from my betrothed. I often hesitated, fear of losing the freedom to choose love that I had previously enjoyed, fear of causing unhappiness to a wonderful woman whom I respected as much as I loved, doubt that I possessed the qualities required of a faithful and thoughtful husband - all this frightened me me and fought in my head with the feelings of my heart. Nevertheless, a decision had to be made. My indecision was explained only by the fear of causing harm or compromising the woman, whose seductive image followed me along with the dream of happiness.”

“Too two weeks have passed that I have not written to you, my faithful friend,” wrote I.I. Pushchin to his wife.

“My dear friend,” S.P. Trubetskoy and I.I. Pushchin addressed their wives in letters.

If we do not take into account matters of the heart, then for a man, family is also a very expensive matter, since it required considerable material investments. He had to provide his wife and children with shelter, food, clothing and a proper environment. Such was his duty, in the eyes of society.

Therefore, parents always preferred a wealthy candidate with a good reputation.

M.A. Kretchmer in his memoirs describes a similar incident that happened to his father and mother in his youth:

“...I met my mother’s family, people of a good family, the Massalskys, and very rich ones at that. This family had two sons and three daughters; two of them are married, the third is my mother, a girl of 16 years old, with whom my father fell in love and who answered him in the same way. My father planned to get married, but since he led a most extravagant and, at the same time, not entirely commendable life in Krakow, my mother’s parents flatly refused him.”

Relationships in the family were rarely built on mutual respect; they were mainly based on the subordination of the younger to the elders and the veneration of these elders.

The eldest in the family was the father, followed by the mother; we must not forget about the authority of grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts and uncles, as well as godparents; the youngest were always children. Controlling the destinies of children in the hands of irresponsible fathers turned into nightmarish realities, so colorfully picked up by writers.

And if men had at least some chance to deviate from parental care - to enter the service, to leave their father's house for training, then girls in the first half XIX century, there was no such chance. They remained in the care of their parents until the very end and did not dare to resist their will, and sometimes sacrificed their personal lives out of deep devotion to their relatives.

M.S. Nikoleva even describes two cases in the family of her relatives, the Protopopovs:

“The Protopopov brothers were, of course, at war; Of the men, only my father and a sick uncle remained with us, with whom, in addition to his wife, the eldest daughter Alexandra was inseparable. She did not leave her father either day or night, and if she left for a minute, the patient began to cry like a child. This went on for many years, and my poor cousin did not see youth (her uncle died when she was already thirty-five years old).”

“Of the five Protopopov sisters, not one married; although the corresponding suitors were approaching, they chose not to separate and live together as one family, and when Pyotr Sergeevich (their brother - S.S.), being a retired colonel, got married, they devoted themselves to raising his children.”

The family structure of the noble family was built not only on patriarchal foundations, but also on reverence for traditions. So, any self-respecting family attended church, was religious, organized family celebrations and gatherings, and also quite often visited relatives living far away, staying with them for months.

Patriarchy, hierarchy, traditionalism, subordination to elders and authorities, the sanctity of marriage and family ties - this is what formed the basis for intra-family relations of the nobility in the first half XIX century. The dominance of duty prevailed over feelings, parental power was not unshakable, like the power of the spouse.

But what happens to the family structure in the second half? 19th century?

The memoirs of nobleman S.E. Trubetskoy vividly depict this junction at the turn of generational change:

“Father and mother, grandfathers and grandmothers were for us in childhood not only sources and centers of love and untouchable authority; they were surrounded in our eyes by some kind of halo that was not familiar to the new generation. We, children, have always seen that our parents, our grandfathers, not only ourselves, but also many other people, primarily numerous household members, are treated with respect...

Our fathers and grandfathers were, in our children’s eyes, both patriarchs and family monarchs, and mothers and grandmothers were family queens.”

From the second half XIX century, a number of innovations penetrated the noble family. The role and authority of women increased, the search for new, profitable sources of livelihood increased, new views on marriage and children developed, humanism penetrated into the sphere of family relations

Natalya Goncharova-Lanskaya (widow of A.S. Pushkin), in a letter to her second husband writes regarding the marital fate of her daughters:

“As for settling them down, marrying them off, we are more prudent in this regard than you think. I rely entirely on the will of God, but would it be a crime on my part to think about their happiness. There is no doubt that you can be happy without being married, but this would mean passing by your calling...

By the way, I prepared them for the idea that marriage is not so easy and that one cannot look at it as a game and connect it with the thought of freedom. She said that marriage is a serious responsibility, and one must be very careful in choosing.”

Noble women began to actively engage in the upbringing and education of their daughters, encouraging them to move away from the traditionally assigned role of a wife, closed in the environment of family relationships, awakening in them an interest in social and political life, and instilling in their daughters a sense of personality and independence.

As for parental attitudes in general, society advocated

partnership, humane relations between parents and children.

The child began to be seen as an individual. Corporal punishment began to be condemned and prohibited.

O.P. Verkhovskaya wrote in her memoirs:

“The children no longer felt the same fear of their father. No rods

there were no punishments, much less torture. Obviously, the serf reform also had an impact on the upbringing of children.”

Relations between spouses began to acquire an egalitarian character, that is, based not on subordination, but on equality.

However, the old generation, brought up in patriarchal traditions, came into conflict with the new generation - their own children, who adopted advanced European ideas:

“...during this period of time, from the early 60s to the early 70s, all intelligent strata of Russian society were occupied with only one issue: family discord between old and young. No matter what noble family you ask about at that time, you will hear the same thing about each:

parents quarreled with children. And it was not because of any material, material reasons that quarrels arose, but solely because of questions of a purely theoretical, abstract nature.”

Freedom of choice influenced the foundations of noble society - the number of divorces and unequal marriages increased. During this period, women had the opportunity to marry at their own discretion, which was quite often used by noblewomen as a means of achieving independence within the framework of a fictitious marriage.

Marriage gave girls the opportunity to leave the care of their parents, travel abroad, and lead the life they wanted, without being burdened with marital responsibilities.

Noblewoman E.I. Zhukovskaya, in her memoirs, notes that both she and her sister married for convenience, wanting to escape from the care of their parents, but did not live with their husbands.

According to the intra-family structure, relations between spouses could be classified into three types - along with the still dominant “old noble family”, a “new ideological noble family” based on the ideas of humanism, and a “new practical noble family” practicing egalitarianism appeared.

The crisis of generational contradiction also gave rise to three types of parental attitudes - “old parents”, “new ideological” and “new practical”.

It can be concluded that the second half XIX century is characterized by a crisis of the patriarchal family. The noble family evolves and is divided into “new” and “old”. With the modernization of life, new ideological trends have shaken traditional foundations, forcing most of society to move away from patriarchal norms in family relationships.

The nobility served society, and the family was a means of serving the fatherland. The personality of one family member was lower than the family in the hierarchy of values. Ideal throughout XIX century there remained self-sacrifice in the name of the interests of the family, especially in matters of love and marriage.

Philosophical Encyclopedia. In 5 volumes. M.: Soviet Encyclopedia. Edited by F.V. Konstantinov. M, 1960-1970. Internet portal of dictionaries [electronic resource]: http://www.gramota.ru/slovari/online/

Golubev P.I. Notes of an old-time St. Petersburg official (Peter Ivanovich Golubev) // Russian Archive, 1896. - Book. 1. – Issue. 3. – P. 422

Golubev P.I. Decree. op.// Russian archive, 1896. – Book. 2. - Issue. 5. – P.90.

Ibid – S.97

Golubev P.I. Decree. op.// Russian archive, 1896. – Book. 2. - Issue. 5. – P.101

Nikoleva M.S. Memoirs of Maria Sergeevna Nikoleva // Russian Archive, 1893. – Book. 3. – Issue. 9. – pp. 107-120// Butkovskaya A. Grandmother’s Stories // Historical Bulletin, 1884. – T. 18. – No. 12. – P. 594-631.

Nikoleva M.S. Memoirs of Maria Sergeevna Nikoleva // Russian Archive, 1893. – Book. 3. – Issue. 9. – P. 118

How many married couples exist on earth, probably, they have as many ways of life. But still, experienced psychologists have come up with four problematic models of family life. Want to know what type of family yours is? Study all four models and determine which one is closer to your couple. When determining the type of married couple, you need to be based on what roles and powers the spouse performs in the family. This is why each model has advantages and disadvantages. And if there are advantages, then you need to rejoice, and if there are disadvantages, then they need to be eradicated if possible.

Famous Patriarchy

Described in a pre-revolutionary textbook, the classical form of house-building has already become obsolete, but at the same time, this family model still remains widespread. The husband is the breadwinner, the head of the family, the breadwinner of the family. And he is also a judge, the arbiter of destinies, the first violin in the orchestra, and as expected, he not only has more responsibility, but also rights. Well, the wife can only be interested in the children, the kitchen and the church. And if the wife still works, it’s only for show. After all, her income for working part-time is only enough for stilettos.

If the family has withstood such tests of time, then the couple has advantages. This means that the husband strives to earn good money, provide for his wife and children, and the wife keeps the house in order and devotes more time to the children and their upbringing.

Flaws

The wife plays a secondary role in the family. After all, her main interests are focused on the kitchen and children, grocery stores and markets, kindergartens and schools. There may come a time when such a wife stops developing as a person, she stops taking care of herself, and loses her professional skills.

What to do

If both spouses are satisfied with this arrangement in the family, then nothing needs to be changed. They are happy in their marriage and that's good. But if the wife still experiences some discomfort from these family responsibilities, and she wants a little freedom and maneuvers outside the home, then it is worth developing in this regard.

You can start your own hobby - sign up for knitting, cutting and sewing courses, floristry courses. Or you can take driving courses. If your wife doesn’t work, you can find a small part-time job, but only if you like it. You need to meet with your friends more often, go with them to bachelorette parties, to the cinema, to the theater. And the main thing is to do all this smoothly, without sudden movements, otherwise the husband will evaluate this as an attempt to abandon the family. You can do a very interesting maneuver - invite your husband to visit your family as often as possible, be in nature, and arrange weekend trips. All this will only benefit family relationships.

Old matriarchy

The family in the matriarchal style has also been cultivated over time. In addition to the fact that a woman decided which kindergarten or school her daughter or son would go to, whether to change her husband’s place of work or remain in the same place, to plant potatoes or just tomatoes at the dacha, then the financial support of the family was also added to this. And some successful ladies do this very well. They climb the career ladder and found their own business.

The advantages of such a family model

A woman feels significant and successful, she develops. And a man with such a wife can take a break. But as family practice shows, everything will go smoothly in this family if the wife is of the woman-mother type, and the husband is of the man-son type.

Flaws

If the wife is so successful, she copes with everything, manages everything and everyone, then what role does the husband play in this family. There are several options - he arranges life at his own discretion: he competes with his wife; or, folding his wings and putting an end to his career, he takes on all the household chores. But he has to imitate great delight from all this. After all, the woman who “runs” everything gradually becomes less soft and warm-hearted. And at the same time suppressing not only the husband, but also all household members. But, despite the fact that she openly demonstrates her domineering character, a woman still wants to feel cared for and a strong man’s shoulder nearby.

What to do

Despite the fact that the husband agrees with it. Since the wife plays the main role, you need to gradually loosen your grip and not take everything upon yourself. And become softer and more feminine. We also need to support our husband, because he is capable of a lot, but he is not allowed to “turn around.” A wife's strong character is needed only when the husband plays a secondary role due to his indecisiveness or laziness. You need to call your husband for help and not take on matters that he can successfully solve himself. There may be mistakes in his decisions, but he made them on his own.

Both married and single

In such a family model, no one reaches for the palm. Each of the spouses is waiting for his half to take the helm in his own hands, and with it the solution to all problems - what to live for, how to earn more, and where, to go to the sea this year or relax in the country, to celebrate his son’s birthday or not. Looking from the outside, you might think that this is not a family, but a kindergarten. Maybe somewhere this is true. After all, only infantile people can form such a family model. In most cases, these are yesterday's students. Or it could be the other way around. Maybe a married couple, despite their age, is still not ready for married life and the problems that arise from it.

Advantages of the family model

There aren't many advantages. Only the fact that this is an opportunity to live an adult family life, and the fact that such a family has excellent sex, these are the main points of contact.

Flaws

This is not a full family life. And a half-starved existence with unpaid utilities, bills, and so on. In these families, reproaches and complaints against each other most often flare up. And if they sometimes calm down, it’s not for long.

What to do

There is only one way out - to grow up. Take responsibility for the family, start solving problems, making compromises.

Some generals

This family model is the exact opposite of the model described above. Here is a situation where two generals command at one headquarters. Both husband and wife fight for the right to be in charge. They have arguments about serious issues, for example, about buying an apartment, and about small ones, for example, where to put a floor lamp.

Advantages

Two strong personalities are paired up and if they make compromises, they will be able to achieve a lot in all areas of life.

Flaws

If a couple never sits down at the negotiating table, then the family is doomed to eternal hostilities.

What to do

Try to see in your loved one not a competitor and rival, but a best partner and friend.

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In this article we will briefly talk about each aspect of the concepts of traditional family and marriage in modern society: the main functions and their changes, types, roles, values and their meaning, crises, features and development trends.

Understanding the terminology

A married couple is already a group that is considered a family among people. The tradition of uniting people into smaller groups than clans or tribes has a long history.

Since this phenomenon is comprehensive and fundamental, it is studied by various sciences:

sociology;
cultural studies;
ethnography;
social studies.

The family unit in modern society has been somewhat transformed. The thing is that its purpose is no longer just a practical goal - reproduction of offspring. This phenomenon can be considered both as a social institution as a whole and as a small group.

Not so long ago, a couple of decades ago, several generations could live under one roof at once, which had a positive effect on the exchange of experience between representatives of different decades. In modern society, the most common nuclear family is a husband and wife with children.

The positive side of this way of living is mobility. Separate generations can meet, spend holidays together, while maintaining their freedom and independence.

The negative aspect of such settlement is the high degree of disunity. Due to the fact that families become smaller, sometimes they include only a man and a woman, the connection both within the clan and with society is lost.

This leads to a number of unfavorable consequences:

the value of marriage is lost;
the continuity of generations is disrupted, and the total nihilism of youth gives rise to dangerous trends;
the preservation and development of humanistic ideals become jeopardized.

Only turning to one's roots can prevent these harmful social phenomena. It is not always possible for grandparents, sons and grandchildren to live in the same house, but it is easy to show the younger generation who their grandfathers were and tell about the history of the family if you have a family book from the Russian House of Genealogy in your library.

By learning about his ancestors, the child will understand that they were the same people with desires, goals and dreams. They will become something more for him than photographs in an album. The baby will learn to perceive immutable values and will keep them in his home in the future.

This is especially important now, since the institution of family in modern society is almost on the verge of extinction. Young people, possessing a high degree of infantilism and an exaggerated value of personal freedom, do not seek to legitimize their relationships.

Traditional small groups are almost a thing of the past, where the value of alliance was paramount. The fact that the important role of the cell has been shaken is evidenced not only by the dynamics of divorces, but also by the commitment of young people to the increasingly popular child-free philosophy, that is, to the desire to live for oneself, without thinking about procreation.

This circumstance leads to the fact that nuclear unions, where there is at least one child, are replacing childless ones, for whom such a lifestyle is a conscious choice.

Types of families in modern society

There are a number of criteria by which small groups can be described. Currently, scientists use several bases to describe this group:

the nature of family ties;

amount of children;
method of maintaining a pedigree;
place of residence;
type of leadership.

The traditional union of a man and a woman is now a rarity. And the point here is not only in the general mood and aspirations of girls and boys. Social conditions change, and the structure of the small group is transformed to suit them. Previously, it was a solid fundamental education, where traditions were honored and unquestioned authorities were valued. Nowadays, the small group has become more mobile, and its views have become more loyal. There are even same-sex unions in some countries: Sweden, Holland, Belgium, Canada, Norway.

In modern Russian society, not only the classic composition of the family, but the number of children still prevails. In many ways, how many generations coexist in one home is influenced by material resources, but the trend for a young couple to move away from their parents is becoming increasingly popular.

Nature of family ties

On this basis, sociologists distinguish between nuclear and extended families. The first type represents spouses with children, and the second implies cohabitation with relatives of the wife or husband.

Extended unions were widespread even in Soviet times, not to mention in earlier times. This way of living together taught loyalty, respect for elders, formed true values, and contributed to the preservation of traditions.

Amount of children

Nowadays, many couples refuse to have children at all or strive to raise only one. But due to crisis phenomena in demography, the state itself is pursuing a policy that stimulates the growth of the birth rate. The government has established a certain amount of payments for the second and subsequent children.

According to this criterion, pairs are distinguished:

childless;
small, medium, large families.

Method of maintaining pedigree

In social science, the family in modern society is characterized on one more basis, namely, whose line of inheritance predominates. There are patrilineal (paternal line), matrilineal (maternal line), bilineal (both lines).

Thanks to the equality of both partners, the bilineal tradition of maintaining pedigrees has now been established. It is difficult to take into account all the nuances and intricacies of both lines, but the Russian House of Genealogy will draw up a family tree, connecting two branches, maternal and paternal.

Place of residence

There are three types of cell depending on where the newlyweds choose to stay after the wedding:

patrilocal (live in the house of the husband's parents);
matrilocal (remains with the wife's relatives):
neolocal (moving to new separate housing).

The choice of place of residence depends on the views and traditions that have developed in the family.

Headship type

Sociological scientists distinguish several types of unions based on whose hands the power is concentrated.

patriarchal (father is in charge);
matriarchal (mother is the main one);
egalitarian (equality).

The latter type is characterized by equality. In such a union, decisions are made jointly. Sociologists believe that this type of family is predominant in modern society.

Cell functions

Globally, namely as a social institution, the marriage union helps to take care of the reproduction of the family. It is important for people to find their continuation in another living being. The cyclical nature of life fills it with meaning, and this is largely why we strive to give the best to our children.

Researchers consider the main function of the family in modern society to be reproductive. This approach is considered traditional, because it reflects the way of life of many generations that came before us and will remain after us. After all, this is a natural mechanism.

As a small group, the husband-wife union remains of great importance. It acts as a launching pad - the first team in which a person gets acquainted with the ways of building social relations. It is in the circle of close people that the child learns the norms and rules of human communication and gradually becomes socialized.

In addition to these main functions - reproductive and educational - there are a number of others:

Regulatory. Limits human instincts. Society approves of monogamy and fidelity to one spouse.
Economic. Running a joint household helps a person satisfy his primary needs.
Communicative. The individual needs support and spiritual communication.

Currently, there are some changes in the composition of cell functions in a new type of society. Communication and household services come first.

The family's production function is still strong. Traditionally it is believed that children should be born in marriage. Young people under the age of 18 need material and moral support. During this period, the experience of previous generations is actively absorbed, and the ability to independently make vital decisions is formed. Early marriages, as experts believe, have a high degree of instability and poor implementation of the reproductive function.

What functions of the family have changed in modern society? If earlier it was a utilitarian formation and served only practical purposes - procreation, now alliances are concluded for the sake of support and joint achievement of success, as well as to gain a sense of social security and peace of mind.

Problems of development of a young family and marriage in modern society

The growing number of single mothers, incomplete unions, as well as the increase in the number of children in orphanages - all of this is a serious problem for the development of the family in today's conditions.

The institution of marriage these days is truly in danger of destruction. Sociologists identify three manifestations of the family crisis in modern society.

First and most obvious: civil registry offices still accept hundreds of applications a year, but statistics show a sharp decline in the number of marriages.
The second crisis phenomenon is that even after several years of marriage, couples decide to end their relationship.
The third sad circumstance: divorced spouses do not marry other partners.

The lack of desire to have children in many marriages carries with it many potential demographic difficulties.

Trends in family development in modern society

The conditions of our reality force women to actively participate in social and labor activities. Women, like men, run businesses, participate in solving political issues, and master professions that are not typical for them. This leaves an imprint on the presence of some features of recent marriages.

Many career women do not want to sacrifice their time and go on maternity leave to care for a child. Technologies are developing so rapidly that even a week's absence from work can cost a serious setback in terms of development. Therefore, nowadays couples evenly distribute responsibilities around the house and raising a child.

If you have really thought about how the family is changing in modern society, you probably realized that these transformations are significant, even global. The composition of the cell, the role and functions of each individual member become different. But along with negative trends, scientists also highlight advantages. Marriage between a man and a woman is considered as a union that accumulates the achievements of both partners and is concluded for support and joint development. Such a philosophy can give life to a new branch of the family.

Another primary group is formed where a person will learn to love, respect and value relationships.

Proper upbringing can convey, preserve and increase the eternal ideals of goodness, love, the value of human life, the fidelity of spouses, of which there are sometimes so few in our world.

In the modern world, the traditional concept of family has undergone significant changes. These changes affected the structure of the family structure. Increasingly, families are turning to psychologists for help, who promote awareness and acceptance of responsibility for the creation, development and preservation of family and marital relationships.

In the Republic of Sakha (Yakutia) within the framework of the state program “Social support for citizens and family policy in the Republic of Sakha (Yakutia) for 2012-2016.” In the department of the Civil Registry Office under the Government of the Republic of Sakha (Yakutia) in Yakutsk No. 1, a “Psychological Family Support Service” has been opened, the purpose of which is psychological support for young families. The tasks of the service include psychocorrectional, rehabilitation, advisory, and psychological support for young families.

Thanks to the family structure, the family functions interconnectedly, providing support and support to each other. The successful functioning of the family is very important for the state, since the family is a support to the state. The social environment influences the formation of the family structure; moreover, it leaves an imprint on family activities and intrafamily relationships. Psychological, substantive and semantic aspects of the family structure constitute the value orientations of family members. Achieving harmony in the family structure is possible subject to the maturity of the individual, the coincidence of value guidelines and the psychological compatibility of the married couple. The nature of the relationship between family structure and indicators of marital compatibility is very important.

The basis of the theoretical concept of family structure is family ties, intrafamily activities and family values. The concept of “family structure” includes nine components: the material and object environment of the home, intra-family activities, hospitality, social openness of the family, hierarchy of intra-family connections, family attitudes, interpersonal relationships, family routines, family atmosphere.

From the point of view of social psychology, family structure is a historically established set of stable relationships among family members. Thanks to it, the integrity of the family is ensured, continuity of values and behavioral patterns is achieved.

The consolidation of moral guidelines and family traditions is carried out precisely thanks to the family structure, which is the basis for the formation of self-awareness of the younger generation. For the full development of a family, it is important to take into account aspects of the psychological compatibility of spouses. The analysis revealed three types of family structure. The first type of structure is characterized by connections between generations; it is focused on the development of external family ties. The second type of way of life is characterized by a focus on the development of material and spiritual activity, and is characterized by a trusting family atmosphere. The third type of family structure is aimed at developing intra-family relationships; it is characterized by the manifestation of empathy and support.

Despite the closeness, it is necessary to distinguish between such concepts as “family way of life”, “family lifestyle”. The concept of family structure is associated with the concepts of “socio-economic structure” and “psychological makeup of the individual.” The socio-psychological model of the family structure is a theoretical model that reveals the family structure as a set of stable relationships that are realized in the social environment of the family, family activities and intra-family relationships. Three components of the family structure: hospitality, intrafamily communication and family atmosphere are of particular interest. They reflect aspects that are structure-forming at the present stage of life of the surveyed families.

A typical family structure is characterized by a unified perception of all aspects of family life, and the identified differences between husbands and wives in value orientations are determined by gender roles. It is more important for husbands to feel needed and independent. If childhood was spent not in an urban, but in a rural area, the indicator of family structure “connections with the immediate social environment” (relationships with neighbors, as well as openness to new acquaintances) is very high. This is due to the fact that rural families are characterized by close contacts with neighbors. Thus, they turn out to be more adapted to expanding their circle of acquaintances than city residents.

In different types of family structure, different orientations to the social environment of the family’s life, either to family activities or to intra-family relationships, prevail. A way of life focused on the development of intrafamily ties is designed to minimize conflict relationships. If there is a trusting relationship in the family, then there will be no tendency to erect boundaries. When forming a personality in conditions of stable disunity in value orientations, such aspects of interpersonal relationships as the ability to make friends and experience deep affection for another person turn out to be relatively unimportant.

It is very important for a family to spend leisure time together, this helps strengthen family ties. If there is a wide variety of family activities in a family, then the family is characterized by the presence of moving intra-family and extra-family boundaries. Such families and the children raised in them are more open to new acquaintances, new activities, gaining new knowledge and new experiences. While families in which there is no joint activity are not ready to expand connections.

The family structure is characterized by the presence of boundaries. What is acceptable in one family may be completely unacceptable in another. That is, boundaries can be rigid or flexible. Spatial and social boundaries in the family as a consequence reduce the number of unifying activities, do not develop a culture of hospitality, have virtually no continuity across generations, often have conflicts, and are characterized by the absence or weak variety of common family activities. This way of life can further develop in the individual the leveling of family as a value, rejection of the framework of behavior), the desire to satisfy one’s needs is paramount.

Having analyzed the various aspects of the family structure, we can conclude that they are the criteria for its description and analysis. The family structure is characterized by a set of stable relationships of family members both with each other and with the broader social whole. Its task is to transmit through generations cultural meanings, moral values and guidelines, patterns of behavior, significant meanings of culture, values, ideals and behavioral patterns. The components of the family structure influence the formation of a prosperous internal state of the family.

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They were largely related to the beliefs of the writer, his wife and children. This was reflected in the home menu, daily routine and how the owners of the estate and their guests spent their free time. The portal "Culture.RF" talks about the traditions and hobbies of the Tolstoy family.

Ceremonial lunches and quiet dinners

Ilya Repin. Portrait of Leo Tolstoy with his wife (fragment). 1907. Russian National Library, St. Petersburg

In the 1880s, Leo Tolstoy gave up meat and fish. Soon the older children followed his example. The main food for them were vegetables, mushrooms, potatoes, and bread. The writer’s wife, Sophia Bers, was categorically against such a diet and argued that she “would not allow vegetarianism” for younger children under 12 years of age.

Breakfast in Yasnaya Polyana was served at one o'clock in the afternoon. It consisted of pancakes, eggs, and various cereals. In the summer, of course, fresh fruits and berries were placed on the table. Tolstoy and his family did not have breakfast and went down to the dining room at about two o’clock in the afternoon. He was served separately oatmeal or buckwheat porridge, a soft-boiled egg, and a small pot of yogurt. Sometimes the writer only took tea and bagels and went to his office.

The Tolstoys' lunch usually consisted of soup, vegetables or dairy dishes. For dessert, fruit or sweet pastries were served. For example, levashniki - pies made from butter dough with berry filling. Tolstoy was usually late for dinner and sat down at the table towards the end of the meal.

“Lev Nikolaevich did not like lunch. A ceremony was associated with the dinner: strict assignment of seats, decorous behavior, lit bronze candelabra on the table, solemnly serving footmen in white gloves. All this, and especially the lackeys, only tormented the magnanimous old man, reminding him of his privileged, “masterly” position.”
Vladimir Bulgakov, Tolstoy's last secretary

The writer had a completely different attitude towards family dinners. In the evenings, household members and guests sat wherever they wanted, and even the candles on the table were not always lit - they were content with the light of the lamps. Most often they drank tea with homemade jam, cookies and honey.

Simple clothes: sweatshirt and dark dresses

Mikhail Nesterov. Portrait of Leo Tolstoy by the pond (fragment). 1907. State Museum of L.N. Tolstoy, Moscow

The Tolstoys preferred simple and modest clothing. One of the writer’s favorite home outfits was a “multifunctional” canvas robe with detachable flaps. Tolstoy not only walked around the house in it, sometimes slept, and sometimes covered himself with it like a blanket. Later, he began to wear the famous sweatshirt - a gray, loose blouse that looked like a peasant shirt. In old age, Tolstoy gave up shoes and walked barefoot even in the cold. At the same time, in his free time, he loved to sew boots, and then gave them to friends and relatives.

Sofia Tolstaya wore simple dark dresses with modest trimmings at home. Only on Sundays and holidays did she wear white outfits and complement them with a gold bracelet.

Piano for four hands and a “surrogate for music”

Everyone in the Tolstoy family loved music; it was often played at family evenings, holidays and dinner parties. The writer's son Sergei played the piano well. Sometimes Leo Tolstoy and his wife sat down at the instrument and played four hands. The head of the family preferred “high”, serious music - Mozart, Schumann, Haydn, Beethoven. Some melodies could move him to tears. Once, impressed by the playing of pianist Alexander Goldenweiser, Tolstoy exclaimed: “This whole civilization, let it go to hell, but... I feel sorry for the music!..”

There was also a gramophone in Yasnaya Polyana, but Tolstoy called it a “surrogate for music.” However, sometimes I still listened to records - for example, Ukrainian hopak on a balalaika or Strauss's waltz “Voices of Spring”.

Evenings with your favorite book

Ilya Repin. Leo Tolstoy on vacation in the forest (fragment). 1891. State Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow

Reading aloud is another Yasnaya Polyana family tradition. The house had a large library - about 23 thousand books in different languages. In the evenings, everyone gathered in the large hall, and Tolstoy read aloud Alexandre Dumas, Pushkin, and Homer. The writer did not read his works to children, apart from some stories from ABC.

The family was very fond of Jules Verne's novel Around the World in 80 Days. At that time, it was published without illustrations, and Tolstoy, in order to please the children, himself drew pictures for the book.

Towns, chess and the “mailbox”

The traditional Tolstoy family game was “mailbox.” Everyone - both family members and house guests - put their notes into a special box all week: short stories, notes, reflections, impromptu poems. On Sundays, Tolstoy opened the box and read all the texts aloud.

The family also loved chess. The writer's secretary Valentin Bulgakov wrote: “If there was a partner, Lev Nikolaevich sat down after dinner to play a game of chess. Like solitaire, chess was a means of relaxation from intense mental work.".

In the spring, as soon as the snow melted and the ground dried out, a site for towns was built in the alley of Yasnaya Polyana Park. Everyone played: adults and children, hosts and guests. Leo Tolstoy, passing by, always turned towards the site: sometimes he stayed, and sometimes he knocked down several figures and moved on.

Yasnaya Polyana Home Theater

The idea of a home theater was born in the Tolstoy family one long winter evening. At first they chose the then popular play “Indian Summer” for production, but it did not inspire the youth.

Then Sofya Tolstaya invited the children to stage the play “The Power of Darkness,” which their father had recently written. We prepared seriously for the production: we rehearsed a lot, thought through costumes and makeup. On December 30, 1884, the first performance of the Yasnaya Polyana home theater took place. The audience - relatives and guests invited to the New Year - were delighted, and the passion for home productions entered the life of the Tolstoys for a long time.

Sports hobbies

Until his old age, Leo Tolstoy loved to ride a horse. Almost every day before lunch he went for a horse ride around Yasnaya Polyana. The writer's eldest son recalled that his father especially liked deserted places with barely marked paths.

When bicycles came into fashion, Tolstoy was 67 years old. However, he mastered this means of transportation. At first I bought a bicycle for myself, and soon I introduced my daughters to this hobby: for them, men’s models had to be converted into ladies’ ones. Bicycle rides have become as firmly established in the daily life of Yasnaya Polyana as horseback riding.

Leo Tolstoy was also involved in other sports - boxing, swimming, fencing. Every morning, before sitting down to work, he did gymnastics in his office. A tennis court was built in Yasnaya Polyana - one of the first in Russia - and a playground for children with gymnastic equipment.