It is generally accepted that extroverts do not have to find anything mutual language with people, and introverts lack “conversational” skills, and therefore they prefer solitude. But don’t rush to classify yourself as a communication expert if you’re an extrovert. When faced with interlocutors, most people, no matter what they consider themselves to be, make the same mistakes.

Consultant Eric Barker told Time magazine how to avoid these mistakes. There are five “tricks” to remember.

1. Don't be yourself

No, this is not bad advice, as you might think. “Be yourself” is truly harmful and even stupid advice. Let’s say that it will still be useful in a teenage party (although this is also not a fact), but what if we are talking about an interview with an employer? No one in their right mind would advise you to “be yourself.” They will say: dress decently, be polite, show interest, etc.

What does it even mean to “be yourself”? A person is fickle, his behavior changes, including depending on his mood, but it is not always good.

Here best advice: “Fake it while it lasts.” Acting within social guidelines does not mean being dishonest.

Moreover, research shows that people who know how to present themselves correctly and show their best qualities leave a more accurate impression of themselves. The ability to show off your best side helps others quickly see your true self. No matter how strange it may sound.

2. Subtly imitate your interlocutor

Whatever one may say, we like people who are like us. There was such an experiment with sellers and buyers: sellers, at the request of psychologists, began to unobtrusively repeat facial expressions and gestures after clients. And what do you think? Almost no one noticed the “monkey behavior”, but sales increased by 20%!

It would seem, how can we not notice when our interlocutor copies our gestures? But it turned out that only 8 out of 69 people understood this - and only because their facial expressions and gestures were special, not the same as everyone else’s. For the most part, customers found the copycats to be more welcoming, interesting, honest, and persuasive than regular salespeople.

3. Be an active listener

Those who have communication problems most often ask: “What should I talk to people about?” This is a question going nowhere. It would be more correct to ask: “How to get people to talk about what interests them?” If you want to get along with people, learn to listen to them.

The secrets of professional hostage-taking negotiators will help here. Here are the five stages of proper dialogue:

1. Active listener. Listen to the other person, periodically confirming (by nodding or assenting) that you are listening attentively. Experts emphasize that this stage is the most important.
2. Sympathy. Naturally, this is not about starting to feel sorry for your interlocutor. It is important to let him know that you understand him, including his feelings.
3. Response. You have demonstrated empathy, and now the other person should “respond” by beginning to trust you.
4. Influence. Along with trust, you have earned the right to give advice and solve problems together.
5. Change of behavior. This is the moment when the interlocutor makes a decision and acts. A good negotiator forces a criminal to lay down his weapon and surrender without harming anyone. (Accordingly, in peaceful circumstances there will be a different positive outcome).

However, don’t think that everything is so simple. Most people start right away with point 4 (“influence”), ignoring the first three. Or they immediately try to out-argue the interlocutor (by the way, here's how to do it right). It is not surprising that by doing so people only cause irritation.

4. Use clever flattery

No matter what anyone says, people prefer pleasant interlocutors to competent ones. So don’t worry if you don’t have an impressive amount of knowledge and experience. You can win someone over with a smile and a compliment. Dale Carnegie writes about this, in particular, in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

Moreover, even insincere flattery works. The same example of sellers and buyers: even realizing that the seller uses flattery to win over the client and convince him to buy the product, a positive reaction to the compliment outweighs the “sober thought” about it true goal. But, of course, you need to flatter wisely - otherwise you can slide into vile toadying.

5. "Play ball"

How to keep a conversation going? In general, avoid extremes. You shouldn't try to dominate, but you shouldn't be a passive listener either. Dialogue can be compared to throwing a ball. This is not a competition; the ball does not need to be taken away, much less knocked out of your hands. React to your interlocutor’s remarks, share own opinion and pass the “ball” back, slightly changing direction from time to time. This way, everyone will have the opportunity to speak without interrupting each other, without taking the initiative or losing attention.

Thank you for the article. I’ll say right away that what I wrote below is not any form of criticism, but only clarification, since your article is in the form of Reflections, which you also clarified in the very title of the article as “Hone your skills.” And, in fact, everything that I clarified, you yourself summed up at the end of the article.

I will offer some of my thoughts on the topic raised for your consideration.

I agree with this statement of yours:

first there was our thought, which then created a situation to which we then react.

I would like to clarify your next statement:

Therefore, it is very important to learn to control any thought.

You can only control what belongs to a Person, and therefore you first need to learn to see: where are the thoughts of the person himself, manifested from him, and where are the thoughts from others? You can control only your Thoughts understood as Your Own (or only Your Conscious Consciousness)! And then, a person already sees, firstly, where his Awareness is, and where he shows unconsciousness. And only then, secondly, a Person begins to try to show awareness, which means he begins to control thoughts conditionally “in his head” as thoughts that belong to him or not to him (coming from bindings, egregors, environment imposed, acceptances, etc.) . A person begins to think more from Himself as Primary, and the Expanded Environment of his Consciousness becomes secondary for him, which will be the essence of the control that you put in. A person will begin to see Himself everywhere as Himself, which will be His Awareness.

For example, you should not say phrases such as: “I am becoming healthier, richer, younger, stronger, etc.” It’s better to say in a calm state what you can feel right now: “I am absolutely healthy, beautiful, rich, perfect, happy, loved...”.

And here I will clarify. Of course, one can claim that a person is healthy when he is not healthy and immediately correct everything: such as health, but this will only be available to a person who understands the essence of such a statement and has complete Faith in such Understanding. Those. when a person can enter a state in which he is absolutely healthy and will be able to come out of it with such a state of changed and understandable thinking. For an ordinary person this is not very accessible, because according to Faith it will not be immediately available. Almost everyone will either reject this as something they do not understand or as something that does not correspond to their reality. IN in this case, a person needs to try to see the cause of some illness or unpleasant situation in Himself, and therefore, see the possibility of changing such a situation through Himself (Awareness of the cause of the problem and eliminating it with your own conclusions). He will begin to understand that his thinking shapes his reality (or unconsciousness) and gradually change everything he thinks!

And here you don’t need the power of faith or any other magic at all for your thoughts to come true. All that is needed is the understanding that the spoken thought immediately creates.

The power of Faith is absolutely necessary for things to come true. Because if a person says that he can, but understands that he cannot, then in reality he cannot! And if it seems that he could, even realized something that he did not believe in, then he will definitely have to return to mastering what he did, because what was done in this way will not be understood by him (prematurely), and therefore and not controlled by it. This means that Faith is still needed, because the Will directly depends on Faith! The presence of Faith is the Logicality of an action (Thought) - this is the readiness not only to do, but most importantly, to understand what has been done. This is a support under your feet.

The thought that we said and felt even a little created the future. Nothing creates our future for us, nothing influences us. Only our preliminary thoughts do this.

I agree, but I’ll clarify here too. To the extent that a person has felt, or rather, thought through the Thought in his awareness, to the extent that it has logically settled down in his Consciousness, to the extent that it has created a Conscious Future (conventionally, the “future”).

Yes, nothing creates our future for us, but a person creates it either Consciously or unconsciously. Therefore, it is always better to create conscious Thoughts that are as understandable as possible, and therefore logical.

You just need to adjust your thinking differently.

So the starting point is a tangible thought, and then a little practice.

Yes, it is true. It is worth doing this gradually and logically (i.e., sensing the Thought). Then everything will work out!

By the way, you and I are almost fellow countrymen :)

Peace and goodness to you.

I write a lot about equipment and sincerely believe that knowledge of filming techniques and the technical aspects of filmmaking in general is one of the main components of success in film. However, overuse of technological innovations can slow down creative process, so it is necessary to find a middle ground between them and not stop professional growth.

When I came into the world of cinema, I did not have any equipment: no movie cameras, no DSLRs, no money for new toys. And although that period was very stressful, I remember this time with gratitude, because due to the lack of high-tech equipment, I greatly developed creative skills, which might not have happened if things had turned out differently.

I realized that “Ingenuity over Tools” is not just words.

Since I didn't have access to expensive equipment, I had no choice but to develop my skills and learn to be resourceful. This approach has remained with me to this day.

So this article has two purposes.

First, I would like to address the directors who believe that lack of equipment will prevent them from realizing their creative ideas.

Secondly, this article applies to professionals who may not have gone through the same DIY school, but who can do with leaving their comfort zone from time to time, trying new things and growing creatively, drawing strength from technical limitations.

It is necessary to take as many opportunities from technology as it can provide until it becomes completely useless.

Every time I am asked at what point it is necessary to upgrade equipment, I answer that it is necessary to take as many opportunities from the equipment as it can provide, until it becomes completely useless.

And it makes no difference where exactly you started.

Let's say you have only one at your disposal. This is good, you can also work with him. Don't think you need another camera until you reach your limit. Learn to get the most out of every pixel so your iPhone footage can outshine a DSLR.

This way you will begin to understand what is really important, you will find out which boundaries are only in your head, and which ones you really cannot overcome. You'll have no choice but to develop your skills in production, direction, framing, and other areas that will ultimately have a much greater impact on your film than the camera. You will be able to gradually improve your technical approach and original style without having to understand the complex structure of professional equipment.

As your style evolves, you will realize that you have already outgrown the iPhone. You will need some specific visual attribute - a small , for example - that you simply cannot get on such a small sensor. When you get to this point, you NEED to move on to something else, otherwise you won't realize your creative vision.

By then you will be much further along in your development than if you started with a better camera. You'll force yourself to be creative and find your own unique approach, while consciously looking for a camera with the features you need.

You probably won't want to buy a flagship DSLR or cinema camera anymore because you'll realize that you don't really need all of their features.

You probably won't want to buy a flagship DSLR or cinema camera anymore because you'll realize that you don't really need all of their features. Maybe all you need at this point is a used one or a 5D Mark II. The money saved can be spent on something more important, like actors, locations or post-production.

Perhaps even more important here is how you'll be able to take advantage of the new capabilities of the "new" camera you buy once you're "freed" from the limitations of the iPhone.

Camera ARRI ALEXA 65

Stick with this approach until you finally switch to RED and . I guarantee you will use their tools and features much better than someone who had a ton of money at their disposal from the start and simply bought the cinematography of their shots.

You will be noticed thanks to your skills, they are what set you apart from others and form your unique voice. And voice is what festivals, audiences and studio representatives are looking for. They want original stories told from an interesting point of view.

Try to "degrade" your equipment set for a future personal project.

But what if you've already started shooting with high-end cameras? Does this mean that you have nowhere else to develop? Of course not. You'll hone your skills throughout your career (even if you don't consciously strive to do so). If you want to change something and get new ideas that can only be born under severe restrictions, try experimenting.

For example, try to "degrade" your equipment set for a future personal project. If you're used to shooting with RED, step out of your comfort zone and shoot something with a DSLR or mirrorless camera. Force yourself to squeeze the maximum quality out of the minimum tools. Surely this will at least help you find unusual creative solutions and ideas, as well as highlight some points regarding work efficiency that you have not paid attention to before.

Creatively and financially free filmmakers often specifically look for ways to artificially limit themselves. They may decide to shoot the entire film with one lens, or they may decide not to shoot more than three angles of one scene. This does not hinder the film, but makes it more unique. We can create these limitations for ourselves every time we pick up a camera or decide what equipment to buy next. Why not take advantage of this?

Finally.

Technology is not evil. Not at all. We are very lucky to have such a wide range of tools that open up new possibilities for us. It is only important not to become their victim and not to rely on them for everything. You should always challenge yourself, regardless of new toys.

Everything Bruce Barton wrote was polished to perfection. He knew that he needed to hone the texts, rewrite them, test them on others, and make the necessary corrections.

In the 1930s, Barton's name was on everyone's lips and business people lined up at the agency BBDO, to get a famous copywriter. Barton was wise enough to ask for help. He wrote many advertising texts himself. Many were written by other "Bruce Bartons" whom he hired to cope with the influx of orders. However, the real Barton always monitored the work of his charges and re-read every word, bringing each text to perfection.

Because Bruce Barton knew that the best work comes after you've edited it a few times. Well-known specialist in literary style E. B. White said that there is no good writing, only great rewriting.

Bruce Barton once said that most authors start writing before speak. Editing is your opportunity to make sure you create something irresistible.

Horace Greeley, the legendary journalist, was fond of saying, “The way to write a good editorial column is to write it as best as you can, then cut it in two and print the last part.”

Nothing extra

They say that Bruce Barton was very picky about his lyrics. There was a running joke that when he died, his tombstone would have the following inscription: “The text needs to be shortened.”

"Two men gave the Gettysburg Address that morning, Civil War, wrote Barton in 1920. – One of the most popular speakers of those days gave a “great” speech. Another speaker, Lincoln, read less than 300 words from a piece of paper. His speech, the Gettysburg Address, will live forever.”

Lincoln knew the power of a few well-chosen words.

Many businessmen admire the appearance of creative advertising layouts and are not interested in whether they are useful for business. Attractiveness and creativity do not always produce the desired effect.

The 1991 Isuzu ad is a perfect example of this. Advertising layouts received prizes for originality. But did they help sell cars? No. Isuzu often ranked last in ratings.

The first working version of the title for this book was: The Secrets of Bruce Barton. But people might say, “Who needs this?” because they had not heard of this man.

I was thinking of calling the book Bruce Barton. Biography". But people would say, “So what?” because they didn't know who Bruce Barton was.

Finally, the title I settled on appeals to people's desires. While honing the idea, I was able to create the most effective version of the name.

Bruce Barton once told a story about sharpening one's thoughts as a way to make advertising more effective.

The idea of ​​appealing to human egoism (the desire to enjoy life and live longer) turned out to be much more attractive than the idea of ​​security.

Healing knives

Since the memory of a knife may make you wince, with your permission I will tell you why I use this image.

You can cut with a knife. A knife can kill. But a knife can also heal. Surgeons use knives to prolong a person's life.

“Sharpening a knife” does not mean being prepared to maim your clients. It means to prepare satisfy needs customers, honing advertising texts and marketing strategies so that they fulfill their task - bring new orders.

Set your priorities

This strategy reminds us that our decisions also need to be sharpened.

I play the harmonica. Although I am far from such famous musicians as Charlie Musclewhite or Howard Levy, I play well. From time to time I play music with friends and in a jazz orchestra.

An innocent activity, isn't it?

But I made a few observations.

I can't dedicate my life to being a writer and making music at the same time. Both the first activity and the second require time and energy. If I try to do both the first and the second, I will not do either one or the other perfectly.

On days when I try to write, after playing music all night, I am of very little use as a writer. My head is buzzing. Not written. And in the evenings, when I try to play the harmonica, after writing and meeting with clients all day, I'm too tired to hit the right notes.

Have a hobby and free time- This is wonderful. But chasing two birds with one stone (dreams) is not very wise. Bruce Barton was the first person to help me understand that I had to prioritize. In 1920, he wrote an essay, “Fleeting Lines,” which ended with these words:

J.C. Penney told me the other day about young man, who could possibly have been one of his first partners. This young man played the trombone and was forced to leave the store early because he earned $5 a week playing in the orchestra.

Now he is still in the store during the day and blowing his trombone in the evenings, while Mr. Penny runs 800 stores. There are people who have made a fortune working as bootblacks, buying junk from car factories, and even cleaning up trash in the city. Whatever the business, it will bear fruit if a person gives it his all. And what is not related to the main activity will fade into the background.

Act before it's too late

This idea was brought to me by the sudden death of Michael Landon on July 1, 1991. It dawned on me: do what you know you need to do Now, today - before it's too late. Our time in this world is limited. Landon was in good health. It was full vital energy. However, this did not save him from death.

Events in the life of Bruce Barton developed rapidly from the 1920s to the 1950s. He was alive and well, but lost his son, daughter and wife. He had a stroke. And by 1967, the year of his death, when he was 80 years old, the disease had taken away his memory. Virtually helpless, he died alone except for a few friends and relatives.

If Bruce Barton had not written his books, it would have been an irreparable loss for humanity. If Michael Landon hadn't written and starred in his shows, there would have been certain gaps in our lives.

The strategy for honing your skills applies to you too. This book has hopefully given you some ideas. Are you going to do something? Are you going to do what you know?

If you knew that your work would touch people the way that Bruce Barton's or Michael Landon's did, would you take action today?

Bruce Barton wrote: “It is only when something is urgently needed that there is an urgent need that we manage to do something of which we will later be proud.”

This need must arise within you. You must “sharpen the knife” of their own existence. You have to “beat your best,” as competitive runners say. Instead of competing with anyone, work on yourself and improve.

If you're going to do anything, be prepared to listen to criticism. But it is better to do than to criticize. The one who does it moves forward, but the critic stands still.

You have to believe in something - in yourself, in the country, in the Lord God. You must have the courage to confirm this faith with your life and patience to wait for the result.

In Mikhailovsk, a wonderful tradition of performances by students of the Children's Music School has been formed in educational institutions. This project is called the Children's Philharmonic.

Its history began back in 1963 at a newly opened music school. With the beginning of spring, “propaganda concerts” were organized in schools and kindergartens for new enrollments of students in the first grade. And the children learned to play the piano, accordion and accordion with interest. In 1970, a violin class was opened, and a little later - a cello class. School director E. A. Shakhramanyan, a big fan of the violin, kept hearing: “It’s a pointless idea! A violin in the village is funny!” But the skeptics were put to shame. The concert activity of the children's music school has become even more active: the violin and cello are mobile instruments, always with the performer!

The desire of the teachers, organizers and presenters of such concerts was not only to introduce children to musical instruments, but to unite the performances by theme, to convey the semantic content of the music to young listeners.

“Pushkin’s pages in music”, “Music and art", "Musical genres" - these are just a few topics from numerous concerts and conversations for schoolchildren. At the Literary Salon in Secondary School No. 1 there was live music, which gave the event a special flavor. At the Pushkin balls, which have become traditional in NOSH No. 24, music is also played that Alexander Sergeevich himself could hear. Concerts were held for music students memorable dates composers.

The understanding that musical education of children should begin in early childhood and be systematic in nature led to the decision to give concert activities a certain form and status. 1995 can be considered the year the Children's Philharmonic acquired its status. Official names were given: the music club “Children’s Philharmonic” (NOSH No. 24) and “Musical Living Room” (Kindergarten No. 30) became the basic concert venues for young musicians. Support and desire to cooperate have been found! The timing and theme of the concerts were determined in accordance with the wishes of the parties, and a work plan was drawn up.

The level of lecture work grew. E. G. Glyz, at that time the head of the theoretical department, spoke about instruments, music and musicians in such a way that not only children, but also teachers and parents listened. In 2005, E. Yu. Morozova, now the head of the theoretical department, continued her lecture work; she also initiated the creation of the Domisolka music club at Secondary School No. 5.

Teacher E.V. Tchaikovskaya approaches things creatively and, replacing G.V. Blaznova, is involved in the work of the “Musical Living Room” (Kindergarten No. 30).

There are more and more young performers wanting to take part in concerts. Over the last five years, the Children's Philharmonic has covered eight new concert venues! All this is due to the enthusiasm of the children's music school teachers and despite their extreme busyness! And also thanks to the support of the heads of institutions with which the Children's Philharmonic cooperates. These are the music clubs “Musical and Literary Salon” (N. G. Zavgorodniy Museum of History and Local Lore) - organizer O. I. Merkulova, lecturer-presenter E. N. Boltrushko; “Bell” (Kindergarten No. 20) - organizer E. A. Visloguzova, lecturer-presenter E. Yu. Morozova; “Chamomile” (Kindergarten No. 29) - organizer E. A. Visloguzova, lecturer-presenter E. Yu. Morozova; “Musical mosaic” (Kindergarten No. 3) - organizer, lecturer-presenter E. N. Boltrushko; “Merry notes” (Kindergarten No. 6) - organizer, lecturer and presenter T. A. Filippova; “Musical Kaleidoscope” (Secondary School No. 30) - organizer, lecturer-presenter N.V. Varetova; “Sun” (Kindergarten No. 2) - organizer, lecturer and presenter L. V. Kostina; “Musical Glade” (Kindergarten No. 1) - organizer, lecturer-presenter I. S. Tsakanyan; “Star” (Kindergarten No. 4) - organizer, lecturer-presenter N.V. Tsverova.

The Children's Philharmonic, according to conservative estimates, now gives more than 150–170 concerts a year! Students from all departments of the music school actively participate in the concerts: vocalists, pianists, violinists, guitarists. Young musicians demonstrate their skills in playing the accordion, button accordion, trumpet, saxophone, recorder and the “youngest” of musical instruments - the synthesizer. Teachers participate in concerts as accompanists, as well as in the student-teacher ensemble.

A concert is always a holiday and joy! Often in front of children in kindergarten or students junior classes little musicians play more confidently and artistically. They have the opportunity to demonstrate their achievements, hear applause, praise from the teacher, and thus assert themselves!

Open speaking allows you to reveal personal qualities, develops awareness of one’s actions, concentration, and self-confidence. You must have mastery of the instrument, technique and cantilena, the ability to create a musical image, and perform the piece organically and artistically. These inclinations can influence the choice future profession. Many great musicians recalled that their first significant childhood musical experiences were associated with public concerts.

A concert performance is the result of long-term joint work between teacher and student. Young performers hone their musical and stage skills, and little listeners love concerts in which young musicians play, enjoy encounters with music, and learn to understand its language!

The usefulness of lectures and concerts is obvious - it is not only the promotion of musical art, musical education and musical performance work, it is generally the education of the culture of the younger generation.

2020 is the year of the 25th anniversary of the Children's Philharmonic. Shouldn't we celebrate it with a big concert for all residents of the city of Mikhailovsk?

L.Yu. GANZHA, teacher at the Municipal Budgetary Institution "Children's Music School" in Mikhailovsk