General concept of inadequate states. Inappropriate behavior, how to help a person. For other groups of people behaving inappropriately

You've almost certainly had to deal with inappropriate behavior from people. An aggressive client, a dissatisfied customer, a tyrant boss - the options can be very different. How to deal with such people?

Michael Grothaus, a regular contributor to Fast Company, writer, journalist and former screenwriter, talks about this in his article.

Inevitability

In my nearly four decades, I've worked everywhere: in fast food establishments, stores, non-profit organizations, film studios, international technology companies, and as an entrepreneur. All this diversity is united by one inevitability: sooner or later I came across inadequate people.

Sometimes they turned out to be ordinary customers, sometimes they were wealthy clients, then there were evil colleagues, but the worst nightmare was an inadequate boss. The problem is that these are not street freaks who are easy to ignore. My business and career depended on them; I couldn’t ask them to kill themselves against the wall.

Not long ago, at work, I had to communicate with a person who deserved all twelve points on a ten-point scale of inadequacy. It was truly terrible - I suffered from insomnia for several days in a row. In the end the situation was resolved unsatisfactorily for both parties. As a result, I decided to talk to experts in the field of relationships and find out how to properly behave with inadequate people of all stripes.

Lynn Taylor, CEO of Lynn Taylor Consulting, has developed a great mnemonic called CALM to help cope with stress when faced with an angry boss, bad clients or unfriendly co-workers:

Communicate- openly and regularly.

Anticipate- get ready for possible problems Before the situation starts to deteriorate, have solutions in place.

Keep it simple (Levity)- this way you will reduce the overall degree of tension and help your boss or client realize that you are in the same boat. The main thing is not to overdo it.

Manage Up- Carefully study how to use positive and negative reinforcement, coordinate a list of priorities and expectations, role models and required behaviors, and draw boundaries. These skills will be useful to you in any position.

« When someone who seemed like a completely pleasant and sane person begins to behave strangely, it is logical to assume that he is going through a difficult period in his personal life, so you should treat the strange behavior with understanding,”- advises Guy Winch, psychologist, author of the book “Emotional First Aid: Relieving Rejection, Guilt, Feelings of Failure and Other Everyday Traumas.”

« But if a person behaves unpleasantly, criticizes everyone, is not inclined to cooperate and constantly lies, it is obvious that the matter is not in personal problems, but in the personality itself. This is how an inadequate employee is identified", he adds.

Getting started with a problem is not easy. Nobody wants to bite the “giving hand”; most often we prefer to do nothing.

« The fight-or-flight algorithm is poorly suited to this situation. Most often, events develop by inertia,” says Lynn Taylor, CEO of Lynn Taylor Consulting and author of Taming Your Terrible Office Tyrant. Nobody wants to risk their job, their position, their clients, their relationships. The simplest way is to do nothing until the situation explodes. The easiest way is to wash your hands and hope that everything will sort itself out. Unfortunately, this is complacency, which only leads to an exacerbation of the problem.

Don't lead to a thermonuclear explosion, but try to get out of an unpleasant situation with the help of advice from Guy Winch and Lynn Taylor.

Inadequate buyer

This may be a one-time or regular customer. In any case, he bought something from you, is dissatisfied with the purchase and before our eyes turns into a rare inadequate person.

« Dissatisfied customers can be provocative and extremely, extremely unpleasant. It’s good when they speak out and make their dissatisfaction known, rather than silently spreading rumors or leaving for a competitor.”, explains Winch.

You must do everything possible to solve the buyer's problems, even if he behaves quite harshly. However, there is a line that cannot be crossed.

If a buyer behaves aggressively and offensively, a certain limit must be set for him and, in general, for everyone who insults and humiliates others, threatens and behaves affectively. The boundary is set by assuring the buyer that you are doing everything possible for him and emphatically politely insisting that he communicate with you within the bounds of decency. If the buyer does not agree, explain that this is the end of your conversation and you are going to notify management of the incident. This is the advice Guy Winch gives.

Lynn Taylor adds that dealing with one aggressive buyer can be relatively easy if you're in a leadership position yourself. Employees in lower positions may feel that they have no right to contradict the client at all. This is why it is important to have company-wide sets of rules - they will protect your employees in unpleasant situations. The company should have ready-made scenarios and ways to resolve the worst possible scenarios. A prompt assessment of the situation on the spot is also important.

Let's say a client intends to conflict while he has enough strength, but you cannot constantly deal with the problems of such people and successfully run a business. You should always have ready-made “rescue plans” - a free line manager experienced in resolving conflicts with unpleasant customers; a standard list of conflict resolution options to the buyer’s satisfaction; time limit policy for handling complaints. The keys to success are professionalism and consistency.

And a little bad news for inadequate clients. Some companies are already practicing protection against inappropriate customer behavior through innovative business models. At the top of the list of innovators are Uber, Lyft and Airnbnb with their user rating systems. The formula “the customer is always right” is turned on its head. Everything is changing. If you want fanfare and a red carpet from a salesperson, you need to behave within the bounds of decency, says Lynn Taylor.

Inadequate client

A client is a person who has been using your services for months or even years. Regular customers strive to make a good impression, at least while they are doing well. If a regular customer begins to behave in a less than reasonable manner, the best way to interact is through persuasion.

First of all, you cannot put off solving the problem until later. You need to react immediately. Use techniques of diffusion, mirroring, showing interest and achieving conflict resolution, recommends Lynn Taylor. Don't tell your client that they are being terrible. This will only fuel the conflict. Avoid emotional reactions, work with facts, for example:

Client: « You assured me that everything will be ready today! I should have refused your services.»!
You(scattering): " I understand your frustration. (Mirroring): If I were you, I would also be dissatisfied, I apologize for the misunderstanding that has arisen.". (Showing interest): “ We’ll get everything done by 3 p.m., is that okay with you?”
(Client agrees)
You(conflict resolution): “ Everything will be done by the appointed time.".

If inappropriate behavior quickly becomes a bad habit, consider having a one-on-one conversation with the client and consider meeting regularly. The reason often lies in ineffective communication, and face-to-face meetings are a great option for salvaging a deteriorating relationship.

Guy Winch advises gathering and briefing your team before meeting with a difficult client in person. Warn people that the case is difficult. Assure them that you will handle the bulk of the contacts. If a client tries to harass your employees, politely ask him to address all complaints to you, and not to your subordinates.

Inadequate colleague

It is unpleasant to deal with an inadequate buyer or client, but you only have to see them periodically. What to do if your colleague behaves like an idiot?

First of all, it is worth finding out the real reason for this behavior. Perhaps they are “defending their territory” due to a loss of power or authority? Or maybe he feels that he is about to lose his former influence or important projects? Very often, there is a story behind the rude behavior of a co-worker. It should be explored before you take unpleasant behavior personally. It may well turn out that aggressive behavior is not directed at you personally at all. And if you respond in kind, it can be counterproductive. Of course, outright stupid or strange behavior should not be forgiven. We are not talking about unconditional acceptance and forgiveness, we are talking about preventative measures.

Start by being friendly: try to have lunch or a cup of coffee together. Let your colleague know that by collaborating with you, he will achieve great career success. Don't forget to explain that you have nothing to share, give reasons why this is so. Listen and ask more than you talk. Find out his needs and tell him about yours. Be casual, show optimism, but do not forget about modesty.

If a friendly fact-finding mission fails and your co-worker continues to behave inappropriately, it's time to move on to the next step. A frank conversation will help you get to the root of the problem. Be specific but diplomatic.

If a person does not cooperate and all this affects your performance, it’s time to go to your manager and get recommendations from him on how to correct the situation.

Inadequate boss

The last and most terrible item on our list is an inadequate boss. This person has power over your salary and career prospects, so dealing with him requires extra thoughtful planning.

Don't take this lightly. Inadequate leadership can impact your emotional well-being and increase your stress levels more than you think.

Guy Winch advises assessing your corporate culture at the same time. In some companies, a very negative type of culture is transmitted from the very top and emotional state employees, to put it mildly, is not a priority. In such organizations, complaints about management are not welcome. But even in this case, you can’t put up with the boss’s inadequacy.

If the immediate supervisor becomes a source severe stress, this needs to be fought. Constantly being in a bad mood can greatly damage your self-esteem, emotional and even physical health.

Try to follow the path of persuasion. After all, you provide some value to the company that spent time and money looking for you. It is more logical to solve existing problems than to simply let you leave. When you decide to talk to your boss, try to maintain a positive tone of the conversation. For example:

Speak: « I really enjoy working here and try to perform my duties as efficiently as possible. However, when you did “X” it affected my productivity. I hope in the future we will use “Y” instead of “X”. I'd like to be really helpful. (Pause) Thank you very much for your time.».

Don't say: « I am very upset by your actions and am thinking about quitting».

If the conversation does not bring results, Guy Winch advises carefully recording cases of inappropriate behavior by the manager, enlisting the support of a number of colleagues and presenting the collected facts to the HR department or senior management.

If contacting the HR department did not yield anything or resulted in extremely sluggish, insufficient actions, it may make sense to contact a labor dispute specialist. Don't hesitate to do so if your boss is severely emotionally abusive or discriminates against employees based on gender, race, etc. In the worst case scenario, you will have to consider transferring to another department or changing jobs.

At the end of the day, no job is worth your mental health and diminished quality of life.

What is inadequacy?

First, let's consider what we mean by inadequacy. We understand by this that a person’s behavior and his claims, intentions and plans go beyond the generally accepted norms, elementary common sense, beyond the behavior that is natural to achieve an optimal result that is mutually beneficial for the people involved in the interaction. At the same time, the exit is conscious, obvious and conditioned by one’s own motives. Inadequacy differs from irrationality in that an unreasonable person makes mistakes and acts incorrectly due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, distortion of ideas by some irrational, but well-defined motives, i.e. his actions are incorrect, but explainable, while an inadequate person commits unacceptable and abnormal actions on purpose, realizing this. Inappropriate behavior violates agreements, or intuitively implied mutually beneficial methods of interaction, interferes with the normal functioning of society and leads to tension and conflict. Acting inappropriately, a person consciously tries to break or deform the norms of society in his favor in order to receive from this one or another benefit, material or psychological.

For example, when several people stand in line and someone pushes them aside and tries to buy a product first, this is inappropriate because it contradicts the implied rules of behavior. Also, inadequacy is, for example, when a teacher begins to extort a bribe from a student in order to give a test, when on the street someone takes your mobile phone by deception or force, when at the police station they try to force you to confess to a crime that you obviously did not commit, etc. .p.

Inadequacy in modern society and features of its manifestation

Despite the fact that most people are accustomed to living in a relatively stable society, among relatively normal people, there are many, many inadequacies in modern society. Of course, society usually does not welcome inadequacy and tries to condemn, suppress and correct it. But in certain places and during certain periods, inadequacy becomes so widespread that it completely replaces or suppresses the generally accepted norms of a healthy society. This happens, for example, during periods of war, natural disasters, unrest, when control of the situation is seized by crime, or by regimes guided by criminal ideas, such as the fascist one. Sometimes inadequate principles and manifestations dominate society very long time, for example, distorted for more than 500 years by the Catholic and Protestant churches in Western Europe the principles of Christianity served as a justification for genocide and the enslavement of other peoples, and within Europe itself - for witch hunts, when almost anyone could be accused of witchcraft or heresy and burned at the stake on delusional charges. Unfortunately, inadequacy still too often takes precedence over generally accepted norms, morality and basic common sense.

What is the reason for the inadequacy? Inappropriate behavior can appear in people for various reasons. Among them may be the following.

“Teaching” inadequacy occurs when certain unnatural ideas, traditions, patterns of behavior appear that have persistent followers who, by their example, and often through direct propaganda and coercion, encourage others to accept the same unnatural, inadequate attitudes. Radical fascist, religious etc. organizations, youth criminal groups, clans and sects. In addition, inadequacy can be forcibly imposed in the family, in some kind of state or commercial organization, where unscrupulous employees took over, and, in principle, in any community and team where inadequate people were able to set the tone. When “learning”, as a rule, social norms are not denied at all, but only partially or partially deformed. At the same time, a significant stimulus for inappropriate behavior is the herd instinct, the example of other inappropriate people and the absence of sufficiently pronounced and strong opposition and counterexamples.

“Revenge” is a motive of inadequacy when a person, subjected to various injustices, humiliations, violation of his rights by others, comes to denial social norms and morality, or to their specific understanding and decides that if others can behave as they please, then he can (has the right). People who grew up or have lived for a long time in an unfavorable environment, or who are participants in various armed conflicts and confrontations (especially those that last a long time and are chronic) often come to inadequacy for similar reasons. In general, the escalation of any conflicts, if there is no force capable of resolutely stopping them and establishing order, while making fair decisions, and different warring parties set the tone, leads to gradual degradation and the abolition of moral restrictions by all their parties.

The “connivance effect” is a motive caused by the fact that people who, by duty or according to tradition, must be responsible for maintaining order and generally accepted norms in society, show weak character and do not demonstrate a worthy example. Most people are such that even if they are determined to behave adequately, they require constant reinforcement in this mood. If there is no such reinforcement, psychologically this is perceived as “permission” to behave inappropriately. The extent to which this motive manifests itself depends on various reasons, primarily on the extent to which society encourages people to be responsible and entrusts them with the task of independently assessing the correctness of actions (both their own and those of others), their admissibility, compliance with moral standards, and the interests of society. , common sense. If this task is largely entrusted not to individuals, but to “controllers” - the state, party, church, etc., then a sharp removal or weakening of such control can lead to the most disastrous consequences.

“Ambition” is a motive associated with the fact that a person consciously puts himself above others and has a disdainful attitude towards society. Such a motive can be justified by views such as “life is a struggle for existence” and “who is stronger is right,” or not justified at all. This motive is often formed by those who notice that the weak can be suppressed for their own benefit, without encountering adequate opposition (neither from them nor from society). Quite a few of these people appear in the environment of organized crime or among those vested with significant powers of power and status (very rich, famous, etc.). Most people prefer not to get involved with people who are too arrogant, aggressive, or “cool,” which only encourages inappropriate people.

“Forced reaction” is a motive associated with the situational manifestation of an inadequate reaction, when a person does not see the right, “legal” from the point of view of morality and generally accepted norms of exit in order to suppress evil, injustice, etc. This is the most difficult case when the person himself In a normal situation, he may have high intelligence, moral principles, etc., but at a certain moment, instead of the optimal way to counteract evil and other inadequacies, he may choose a cardinal one, sharply “going too far.” A typical example is Marvin Heemeyer, who bulldozed part of a city after being cornered by the corporation and local authorities. Despite the fact that such inadequacy is situational, it can be guided by the conviction that the end justifies the means, and that in an imperfect society it is impossible to act differently, it will not be possible to resist evil differently. Unfortunately, society is such that decisive and tough opposition to many inadequate people is necessary, and even if it is weak and insufficient, there will be those who blame not the evil itself, but those who fight against it, finding in their actions a formal violation of moral norms. However, almost all the forces that had a positive, progressive influence on the development of society often acted too radically, too cruelly, too far too far (though not fewer examples, when she was “not bent”, and this also led to disastrous consequences). One way or another, reasonable people, when attacking inadequate people, must still try to act correctly and proportionately, and not allow “excesses” in their actions.

As I have already noted, most people still condemn inadequacy and strive to resist it. Why is there so much, so much inadequacy? The main reason is that due to the unreasonableness of the majority and their tendency towards emotional thinking, inadequate people can easily manipulate public opinion. Inadequate people are capable of using a lot of tricks that can denigrate honest people and present themselves in a better light to encourage the majority of society to either help themselves or, at a minimum, stand by while they deal with the few who do try to resist them. For example, the leader of the Chicago mafia, Al Capone, called “enemy number one” by the American police, committed murders with impunity for many years, including personally in front of many witnesses, but created for himself the image of a respectable, influential businessman helping the poor, and everything went well for him from hand In the end, he was convicted only of tax evasion. Emotionally minded people are not able to identify inadequacy in its pure form in the world around them and evaluate it in order to then counteract it. As a rule, some manifestation of inadequacy, some inadequate force in their perception appears as a set of positive and negative traits, at the same time, they cannot correctly compare them, identify the main and secondary essence, and often, attracted by secondary positive features, they support inadequate manifestation or strength, or they are inactive when they need to resist, which leads to disastrous consequences.

Exaggerating positive traits in their actions, intentions and plans, and exaggerating negative (real or imaginary) ones in their opponents, inadequate people often present the forced advancement of evil as a struggle after evil. Very indicative and clear in this regard, for example, is the history of the Nazis coming to power in Germany, and then Hitler unleashing the Second World War. Many people saw the Nazis as allies to solve some problems, not considering them too dangerous and not wanting to see their true essence and intentions. Thus, they opened the way for them to power and easy conquests, when this party, which was initially a very insignificant force, step by step eliminated its opponents and realized its ambitions. In the same way, today many blind people do not want to see the danger in the actions of the United States, which covers up its aggressive plans with the struggle for freedom and democracy, and its true goals - the desire for world domination.

Reaction to inadequacy and methods of struggle

In modern society, where many inadequacies are organized, enjoy the patronage of the authorities, and the majority are blind and unreasonable, it is often very difficult to fight inadequacy. Let us still consider the basic principles of combating inadequacy and the problems that arise in this case.

Problems could be, for example, the following:
1) You are weak, and inadequate people are strong.
2) Society is not ready to support you and generally perceives the situation incorrectly.
3) You find it difficult to determine the boundary between unreasonableness and inadequacy in the behavior of inadequate people - either they consciously and consistently act inappropriately, which means they need to be firmly opposed, or their actions are the result of stupidity and misunderstanding and they can be reasoned with, explained, and come to an agreement with them.
4) You don’t see what is acceptable, “legal”, but at the same time, effective way to counteract the inadequate, only extreme radical measures come to mind.

Principles.

1) Inadequacy must be fought. Of course, this is obvious, but nuances arise that lead to the fact that many, if not the majority, seeing inadequacy, do not even try to fight it. This results, moreover, most often not because of fear, indecision, etc., but because of the illusion that inadequacy is not dangerous and too minor, that it will pass on its own over time, or for the reason that the rest will do good deeds, set a positive example, improve society, and the inadequate ones, seeing this, will also correct themselves. And this illusion is very widespread in society. However, not fighting inadequacy is a very bad idea.

Of course, it happens that someone who behaves inappropriately, after some time, repents, corrects himself, and realizes the wrongness of his previous behavior. But this happens when the rudiments of rationality and common sense already exist in a person and potentially they prevail over defects. The correct reaction to inadequacy will only help such a person to improve faster, maybe even once correct reaction will be enough to cure him. The main thing is that such a reaction is accompanied by the right message, helping a person to realize the inappropriateness, incorrectness, and inadequacy of his behavior, and to question those ideas based on which he behaves inappropriately. In addition, one can easily make the mistake of mistaking inadequacy for simply stupidity, ostentatious tomfoolery, which will go away on its own. It is more correct to proceed from the principle “if a person behaves as if he is inadequate, then he is actually inadequate.”

But very often the opposite is true. Without receiving the proper reaction, a person becomes convinced of the effectiveness of inappropriate behavior. Without suppressing inadequacy in the bud, we get inadequacy in the future in a more obvious, neglected, difficult to eradicate form, to suppress which we will have to make much more effort. In addition, by not giving one inadequate person a blow, we can thereby encourage other unstable individuals to follow his example.

In addition, it very often happens that an inadequate person, who was not corrected in time, begins to feel the limits of the permissibility of his inadequacy. At the same time, as long as he sees the threat of an open clash with society, he does not cross this line, but as soon as the opportunity arises to “prove” himself, due to the fall of some restrictions, the inadequate breaks loose. Thus, a total and irreconcilable fight against inadequacy is also necessary to prevent the accumulation of a hidden threat in society.

2) Inadequacy must be fought decisively and to the end. The only thing worse than no response to inappropriate behavior is a weak, ineffective and clearly indecisive response. It can only motivate an inadequate person to increase the degree of inadequacy, increase pressure in order to break your resistance. Sporadic and uncertain opposition from society will most likely lead an inadequate person not to the idea that he needs to stop spoiling society, but to the idea that he needs to achieve his goal more decisively and effectively.

So, what should the ideal reaction be? Firstly, it is unambiguous, clear and hits the right point. Of course, it is not always easy to understand well enough the motives behind inappropriate manifestations. But it is advisable to try to at least roughly define them and deliver a psychologically and logically precise blow, that is, to accurately formulate the essence of the inadequate manifestation that you demand to stop. For example, someone unmotivatedly insults you in a rude manner. An answer like “he’s a fool” would not be a very good option. It’s better to ask why he behaves this way and dares to insult you. An inaccurate requirement will give the inadequate person a reason to continue his inappropriate behavior, evading your claims. Secondly, the reaction must be proportionately harsh. You must make it clear to the inadequate person that you are determined and principled and are definitely not going to leave his antics just like that. Of course, in most cases, your goal is to psychologically defeat the inadequate person, force him to retreat and admit the error of his inadequate behavior. But against the most aggressive and dangerous inadequates, it is better to immediately prepare and apply measures to physically neutralize them. Thirdly, the fight against inadequacy must be carried through to the end, that is, to ensure that the inadequate person realizes his mistakes and voluntarily gives up inappropriate behavior without repeating it again, or is neutralized (if he is especially stubborn and dangerous) and physically deprived opportunities to implement it.

At the same time, it is clear that you are unlikely to be able to replace law enforcement agencies and chase after every random inappropriate person in order to correct him; only a society that purposefully pursues an appropriate policy can systematically and consistently combat inadequacy and successfully eradicate it.

3) You need to competently attract society to your side. As already written above, there are reasons why society does not counteract inadequacy and even supports it. You must, taking into account these features, competently attract society to your side, and deprive the inadequate ones of support. You must isolate inadequacy from some more general manifestations, separate it and focus on it, concentrating the attention of society on it. If the inadequates have significant support, it is necessary to propose solutions that preserve the positive aspects in the behavior of the inadequates and their plans, but remove the negative ones. If inadequate people insist on their own, this will show everyone that positive traits are secondary, and all their activity is aimed at implementing the negative part of the program. Patiently and consistently demand condemnation of the inadequacy you have identified and the agreement of the entire normal part of society with the need to suppress it.

Another method that can be used is escalation and escalation of the situation in which there is a manifestation of inadequacy in order to attract the attention of society, as well as so that inappropriate manifestations and negative consequences, to which they lead, the fact of their contradiction to the interests of society and their unacceptability have become more obvious to society. This, of course, is worth doing if you are sure that the healthy part of society will organize and rise up to suppress inadequacy, or, for example, the authorities will intervene and will not be able to ignore public opinion and not take action.

Precedents largely influence how at ease the inadequate will feel. If a case (or even more so, several cases) of inappropriate behavior that has become widely known is not stopped, this actually sends a signal that such behavior is acceptable. It stimulates such manifestations of inadequate people, and demoralizes normal people and instills doubts in the need to counteract inadequate ones. On the contrary, if a certain case became known when inappropriate behavior was decisively suppressed, this instills uncertainty in inappropriate people and determination in normal people. To create such precedents of the second type, you can use suitable cases, and it is advisable not to ignore the precedents of the first type and not allow them to play into the hands of inadequate ones. In general, if possible, especially in the case of mass inappropriate manifestations, it is necessary to achieve delegitimization of inadequacy and introduction into public consciousness thoughts about the decisive inadmissibility of such inadequate manifestations.

4) We need to wage war on inadequacy in general. Inadequacy will always be a threat to society, so you always need to prepare for a war with inadequacy in general and wage this war. If inadequate people do not threaten you today, this does not mean that you will not encounter them tomorrow. Therefore, it is necessary to consistently identify inadequate people, create mechanisms to combat them, unite the healthy part of society and take measures against its split. It is necessary to accumulate strength both for the physical fight against the inadequate, and for the informational and psychological struggle, so that the inadequate cannot decompose and demoralize society and use false ideas for their own purposes. At the moment, it is the inadequate ones, unfortunately, who have well mastered the methods of fighting against the healthy part of society and we can clearly see examples of their impressive victories - this is, for example, the successful US operation against the USSR, when they managed to collapse the USSR and socialist camp, or the recent coup in Ukraine. There is no doubt that a significant part of the inadequate will not give up their ambitions and will stop at nothing, and a brutal struggle with them in the process of building a reasonable society is inevitable.

Here are some signs of a possible inadequacy that you should pay attention to (keep in mind that normal men can also have these signs in appearance, for example, if he is an artist, a poet, or a representative of one of the bohemian professions that sometimes require a person to have an inappropriate appearance) . So, signs of inadequacy:

1) unpredictable polar changes in mood (from good to bad; and also, if suddenly his mood changes from bad to unjustified joyful euphoria);

2) unexpected reactions to you or other people (behaves not logically, but unexpectedly or too impulsively);

3) facial expressions and gestures do not correspond to what is happening (excessive theatricality, twitchiness, excessive gesticulation, or, conversely, strange calm in an inappropriate environment, a fixed, unblinking “boa constrictor” gaze straight into your eyes);

4) interrupts interlocutors, does not listen to their arguments and opinions, does not listen to others at all, or voices his point of view off topic, categorically declares sometimes a completely inappropriate opinion, or takes the topic of conversation in a completely different direction;

5) talks more about himself;

6) uses obscene language, rude slang expressions, or generally uses inappropriate expressions, uses demonstratively abstruse phrases in ordinary everyday conversation (for example, you are discussing what someone is planning to cook for dinner today and your new friend says: “I noticed that any individual in a state of mental discomfort is capable of not controlling his cognitive dissonance, and therefore sometimes does not know what he should do.");

7) inappropriate clothing style for certain circumstances, pretentious, excessively flashy clothing;

8) provocative appearance, dyed hair a bright color or a strange hairstyle;

9) for men - excessive piercings, earrings in the ears, rings on the fingers or many tattoos all over the body, not to mention scarring (this will also be immediately visible to the camera.) That’s why we often say - look at the man in the camera and draw conclusions!

Remember! It is impossible to identify an inadequate person by one or two signs unless you are a specialist in the field of psychology. And each of these “red flags” can only be a feature of his personality.

Perhaps we often call people inadequate if we see only a discrepancy with our expectations. So be observant but kind to people. Be respectful of those you interact with, but don't show too much unsolicited compassion to your own detriment!

But before you conclude that a person is inadequate, try to understand YOUR attitude towards this. Not imposed by society or friends. And, if you like a person, then you can try to understand the reasons for his inappropriate behavior and not rush to conclusions or decisions. There were cases when a girl was dissuaded by all her friends from having a relationship with a man, but she followed her heart, eventually got married, went to the USA and gave birth to a child. Although I didn’t even expect that I might ever get married. So, everything is individual. Be vigilant, do not give in to virtual seducers, do not send money to anyone you know on the Internet, do not meet those who are disgusting to you, do not pay anything for men, do not quarrel with anyone. And the rest is all fixable.

There are many reasons for a person’s inadequacy; we do not know the details of his childhood and the methods of parenting, individual characteristics his personality, level of education and physiology. Unless, of course, he is blatantly inadequate, so that it hurts your eyes, your ears and generally causes complete disgust. There is only one conclusion - run away from this and try not to contact under any circumstances. No patience, no love. This means - listen to your heart.

What is inadequacy?

At the same time, the exit is conscious, obvious and conditioned by one’s own motives. Inadequacy differs from unreasonableness in that an unreasonable person makes mistakes and acts incorrectly due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, distortion of ideas by some irrational, but well-defined motives, i.e. his actions are incorrect, but explainable, while an inadequate person commits unacceptable and abnormal actions on purpose, realizing this. Inappropriate behavior violates agreements, or intuitively implied mutually beneficial methods of interaction, interferes with the normal functioning of society and leads to tension and conflict. Acting inappropriately, a person consciously tries to break or deform the norms of society in his favor in order to receive from this one or another benefit, material or psychological.

Inadequacy in modern society and features of its manifestation

Despite the fact that most people are accustomed to living in a relatively stable society, among relatively normal people, there is a lot, a lot of inadequacy in modern society. Of course, society usually does not welcome inadequacy and tries to condemn, suppress and correct it. But in certain places and during certain periods, inadequacy becomes so widespread that it completely replaces or suppresses the generally accepted norms of a healthy society. This happens, for example, during periods of war, natural disasters, unrest, when control of the situation is seized by crime, or by regimes guided by criminal ideas, such as the fascist one. Sometimes inadequate principles and manifestations dominate in society for a very long time, for example, for more than 500 years, the principles of Christianity distorted by the Catholic and Protestant churches in Western Europe served as a justification for genocide and enslavement of other peoples, and within Europe itself - for witch hunts, when almost anyone could be accused of witchcraft or heresy and burned at the stake on delusional charges. Unfortunately, inadequacy still too often takes precedence over generally accepted norms, morality and basic common sense.

What is the reason for the inadequacy? Inappropriate behavior can appear in people for various reasons. Among them may be the following.

“Teaching” inadequacy occurs when certain unnatural ideas, traditions, patterns of behavior appear that have persistent followers who, by their example, and often through direct propaganda and coercion, encourage others to accept the same unnatural, inadequate attitudes. Radical fascist, religious etc. organizations, youth criminal groups, clans and sects. In addition, inadequacy can be forcibly instilled in a family, in some state or commercial organization where unscrupulous employees have gained the upper hand, and, in principle, in any community and team where inadequacies have been able to set the tone. When “learning”, as a rule, social norms are not denied at all, but only partially or partially deformed. At the same time, a significant stimulus for inappropriate behavior is the herd instinct, the example of other inappropriate people and the absence of sufficiently pronounced and strong opposition and counterexamples.

“Revenge” is a motive of inadequacy when a person, having been subjected to various injustices, humiliations, violation of his rights by others, comes to the denial of social norms and morality, or to their specific understanding and decides that if others can behave as they want, then he can (has the right). People who grew up or have lived for a long time in an unfavorable environment, or who are participants in various armed conflicts and confrontations (especially those that last a long time and are chronic) often come to inadequacy for similar reasons. In general, the escalation of any conflicts, if there is no force capable of resolutely stopping them and establishing order, while making fair decisions, and different warring parties set the tone, leads to gradual degradation and the abolition of moral restrictions by all their parties.

“Forced reaction” is a motive associated with the situational manifestation of an inadequate reaction, when a person does not see the right, “legal” from the point of view of morality and generally accepted norms of exit in order to suppress evil, injustice, etc. This is the most difficult case when the person himself In a normal situation, he may have high intelligence, moral principles, etc., but at a certain moment, instead of the optimal way to counteract evil and other inadequacies, he may choose a cardinal one, sharply “going too far.” A typical example is Marvin Heemeyer, who bulldozed part of a city after being cornered by the corporation and local authorities. Despite the fact that such inadequacy is situational, it can be guided by the conviction that the end justifies the means, and that in an imperfect society it is impossible to act differently, it will not be possible to resist evil differently. Unfortunately, society is such that decisive and tough opposition to many inadequate people is necessary, and even if it is weak and insufficient, there will be those who blame not the evil itself, but those who fight against it, finding in their actions a formal violation of moral norms. However, almost all the forces that had a positive, progressive influence on the development of society often acted too radically, too cruelly, too much (though there were no less examples when it was “not bent”, and this also led to disastrous consequences) . One way or another, reasonable people, when attacking inadequate people, must still try to act correctly and proportionately, and not allow “excesses” in their actions.

As I have already noted, most people still condemn inadequacy and strive to resist it. Why is there so much, so much inadequacy? The main reason is that due to the unreasonableness of the majority and their tendency towards emotional thinking, inadequate people can easily manipulate public opinion. Inadequate people are capable of using a lot of tricks that can denigrate honest people and present themselves in a better light in order to induce the majority of society to either help themselves, or at least stand aside, while they deal with the few who still try to help them. resist. For example, the leader of the Chicago mafia, Al Capone, called “enemy number one” by the American police, committed murders with impunity for many years, including personally in front of many witnesses, but created for himself the image of a respectable, influential businessman helping the poor, and everything went well for him from hand In the end, he was convicted only of tax evasion. Emotionally minded people are not able to identify inadequacy in its pure form in the world around them and evaluate it in order to then counteract it. As a rule, some manifestation of inadequacy, some inadequate strength in their perception appears as a combination of positive and negative traits, while they cannot correctly compare them, highlight the main and secondary essence, and often, attracted by secondary positive traits, they support the inadequate manifestation or strength, or they do not act when they need to resist, which leads to disastrous consequences.

Reaction to inadequacy and methods of struggle

Problems could be, for example, the following:
1) You are weak, and inadequate people are strong.
2) Society is not ready to support you and generally perceives the situation incorrectly.
3) You find it difficult to determine the boundary between unreasonableness and inadequacy in the behavior of inadequate people - either they consciously and consistently act inappropriately, which means they need to be firmly opposed, or their actions are the result of stupidity and misunderstanding and they can be reasoned with, explained, and come to an agreement with them.
4) You don’t see an acceptable, “legal”, but at the same time, effective way to counteract inadequate people; only extreme radical measures come to mind.

Principles.

Of course, it happens that someone who behaves inappropriately, after some time, repents, corrects himself, and realizes the wrongness of his previous behavior. But this happens when the rudiments of rationality and common sense already exist in a person and potentially they prevail over defects. The correct reaction to inadequacy will only help such a person to improve faster; perhaps even a one-time correct reaction will be enough to cure him. The main thing is that such a reaction is accompanied by the right message, helping a person to realize the inappropriateness, incorrectness, and inadequacy of his behavior, and to question those ideas based on which he behaves inappropriately. In addition, one can easily make the mistake of mistaking inadequacy for simply stupidity, ostentatious tomfoolery, which will go away on its own. It is more correct to proceed from the principle “if a person behaves as if he is inadequate, then he is actually inadequate.”

3) You need to competently attract society to your side. As already written above, there are reasons why society does not counteract inadequacy and even supports it. You must, taking into account these features, competently attract society to your side, and deprive the inadequate ones of support. You must isolate inadequacy from some more general manifestations, separate it and focus on it, concentrating the attention of society on it. If the inadequates have significant support, it is necessary to propose solutions that preserve the positive aspects in the behavior of the inadequates and their plans, but remove the negative ones. If inadequate people insist on their own, this will show everyone that positive traits are secondary, and all their activity is aimed at implementing the negative part of the program. Patiently and consistently demand condemnation of the inadequacy you have identified and the agreement of the entire normal part of society with the need to suppress it.

Another method that can be used is escalation and escalation of the situation in which there is a manifestation of inadequacy in order to attract the attention of society, as well as to ensure that inadequate manifestations and the negative consequences to which they lead, the fact of their contradiction to the interests of society and their unacceptable behavior has become more visible to society. This, of course, is worth doing if you are sure that the healthy part of society will organize and rise up to suppress inadequacy, or, for example, the authorities will intervene and will not be able to ignore public opinion and not take action.

Precedents largely influence how at ease the inadequate will feel. If a case (or even more so, several cases) of inappropriate behavior that has become widely known is not stopped, this actually sends a signal that such behavior is acceptable. It stimulates such manifestations of inadequate people, and demoralizes normal people and instills doubts in the need to counteract inadequate ones. On the contrary, if a certain case became known when inappropriate behavior was decisively suppressed, this instills uncertainty in inappropriate people and determination in normal people. To create such precedents of the second type, you can use suitable cases, and it is advisable not to ignore the precedents of the first type and not allow them to play into the hands of inadequate ones. In general, if possible, especially in the case of massive inappropriate manifestations, it is necessary to seek to delegitimize inadequacy and introduce into the public consciousness the idea of the decisive inadmissibility of such inappropriate manifestations.

4) We need to wage war on inadequacy in general. Inadequacy will always be a threat to society, so you always need to prepare for a war with inadequacy in general and wage this war. If inadequate people do not threaten you today, this does not mean that you will not encounter them tomorrow. Therefore, it is necessary to consistently identify inadequate people, create mechanisms to combat them, unite the healthy part of society and take measures against its split. It is necessary to accumulate strength both for the physical fight against the inadequate, and for the informational and psychological struggle, so that the inadequate cannot decompose and demoralize society and use false ideas for their own purposes. At the moment, it is the inadequate ones, unfortunately, who have well mastered the methods of struggle against the healthy part of society and we can clearly see examples of their impressive victories - this is, for example, the successful US operation against the USSR, when they managed to collapse the USSR and the socialist camp, or the recent coup d'etat in Ukraine. There is no doubt that a significant part of the inadequate will not give up their ambitions and will stop at nothing, and a brutal struggle with them in the process of building a reasonable society is inevitable.