Worries over little things. Mental equanimity. Or how not to worry about the little things. NLP: Technologies for Success

Do you often worry? There is a reason at every turn: the salary is not enough and the position is not the most prestigious, I am not as handsome as I could be, I, as always, am not the smartest in the team, Vitka plays the guitar like a guitar, I don’t have my own apartment or I do, but New furniture wouldn't hurt, let alone a car... How much time do you spend on these worries? Seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, years...

Is this right?

In order to understand this difficult situation, let us turn to professional psychologist, founder and director of the center practical psychology“Sinton” - Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov.

Allowing your soul to be disturbed by all sorts of nonsense is simply disrespect for yourself.

One of the main qualities of wisdom is the ability to distinguish real values from imaginary ones, truly important things from trifles. We can debate whether it's worth getting upset about big things, but obviously it's stupid to get upset about little things. It is absurd to worry about losing your wallet when each of us daily wastes millions of unique moments of our lives, meaninglessly wasting hours, days and years.

“There are only three sorrows - illness, death, bad children. Everything else is trouble." Value life, friendship, health, family - and do not sigh tragically: “Here, there is no closet...”.

You are a billionaire. How many millions would you value that you have life, arms, legs, sight, hearing (I hope you remember that not everyone has this...)? How, having all this, can you lament the loss of a thousand rubles? If a billionaire laments this, he is either crazy or unscrupulous.

Does this not concern you?

The sage is a cruel person. He always remembers what we would like to forget and from which we, like ostriches, hide our heads in the sand: he remembers the possibility of loneliness, poverty, death... And it is against such a background that each event acquires its real significance:

“I was sad because I didn’t have shoes
Until I saw you on the street
A man who had no legs."

To avoid confusing little things with something else, calm down. Count to ten, take a breath, try to distract yourself, take your time. If you can just go to bed, do it: “the morning is wiser than the evening.” Ask yourself: is the damage really bad? How would a calm, wise person evaluate what happened? How will you look at this situation in a year? in twenty years?

Maybe I have a bad memory, but now I can’t remember situations from my past that would make me very worried and upset now. Yes, there was a lot, but nothing terrible. If it was so in the past, then it will be so in the future, and there is no reason to worry.

Open your eyes to the worst and accept it. Are you afraid of losing something? Imagine that this has already happened. Can you live without it? Will you survive? What if you never had this at all? Is it possible to be happy in this situation?

Trouble arose with the Club. Yes, the Club is very dear to me - but I can easily imagine life without it. I have many things and people dear to me in my life, but there is nothing that I couldn’t live without.

The child is born naked and helpless. And if you ever find yourself naked and helpless, it only means that you, like a child, have a chance to start living all over again. The child is ready for this. What about you?

Life can present any surprises - learn to accept the inevitable. If the situation is hopeless, don’t bang your head against the wall, accept what happened. Consider that you started living all over again, from this initial level. How will you live?

You can survive everything and you can always be happy.

In the worst case, you will die: will humanity survive this? - He will survive. Well, good.

Of course, when you read a book, everything is obvious and simple, it is much more difficult to apply this in life, and behaving this way every day is correct. At the Sinton training center, we have created a whole training course - the Synton Program, which includes all our unique developments. It is here that you will learn to be happy, perceive the world and yourself richer and more correctly, and most importantly, you will learn to do this always.

Of course, no one will argue that a narrowly optimistic view of life impoverishes it just as much as a stupidly pessimistic one. As a rule, one must perceive life in its entirety, with all its pros and cons, exclamation and question marks, millions of mutual transitions - yes!

But “as a rule” does not mean “always and necessarily.”

If they start beating you with sticks and you cannot prevent it, is it worth accepting the blows with sticks in their entirety? Or is it worth closing yourself and defending yourself as much as possible during this beating? Will we condemn this as “escape from life” or a reasonable way out in a forced situation?

And if you are going through a rough patch in life and have no strength, isn’t it better for a while (for someone who knows how to do this) to turn off their emotions so as not to “break down”? Of course, this will impoverish the picture of your life, you will lose some acute impressions, but you will not get stomach ulcers (hypertension, heart attack - who is predisposed to what), you will not shorten your life expectancy and you will be able to enjoy life in all its bright manifestations longer.

If the phrase “turn off your emotions” sounds too harsh for someone, you can formulate the same thing differently: “change the evaluative-experiential attitude to a constructive-active one.” This means facing difficulties and problems not with questions: “Oh, what will happen now??” (and have corresponding emotions trailing behind these questions), but ascertaining and active: “This is. What to do now, how to get out of the situation with the least losses?”

Your worries do not solve the problem. It’s better if there is even the slightest chance to correct the situation, use it.

I learned this advice back in school, when a MEPhI professor, the father of our classmate Nina Ivanova, studied mathematics with us as an elective. He taught: “Suppose you get a bad ticket in an exam and you don’t know it. Don’t waste time worrying about despair: “Oh, why me?..” and “What will happen now?” You still have half an hour before the answer - use it as productively as possible. Remember everything you know and come up with something that is as close to the answer as possible. Think about the beginning and possible continuation options. Get busy, not worry." I remembered this, and since then this advice has helped me many times.

This should become a way of life and act automatically, especially in extreme situations. Anyone who gets confused and allows emotions to take over the soul risks too much.

This morning, five of us (including Sashka’s nephew) went for a ride on a dugout boat and capsized when Marta, Sashka’s shepherd dog, decided to jump out of the boat. It’s deep, the children have sunk to the bottom, the wife doesn’t know how to swim. What is there to worry about!! It was necessary to catch everyone, which is what Sasha and I successfully did. Then they ran to the village, lit the stove to warm everyone up (the day was not hot), then in stories to each other they framed it all as an amusing adventure...

Sometimes circumstances are stronger than us and you face defeat. Well, if there is no chance of winning, do anything. Taking action is one of the best ways to calm down. Do what you want, just don't be sour.

I'm just lucky in this regard. I am a very busy person, so I simply don’t have time to worry.

Did you know that worry and anxiety negatively affect nerve endings and cause various diseases in the body? This is indeed true. The statement “all diseases come from nerves” is not an invention of scientists. There is a very close connection between chronic pathologies and a weakened nervous system.

Unfortunately, in modern world Difficulties and minor troubles await us at every step. A child gets sick, a car breaks down, there is not enough money for a desired purchase - all this causes anxiety, and sometimes panic attacks. Even when the problem is solved, the feeling of anxiety does not leave us for a long time. If you are tired, seek advice famous authors, which have helped many cope with anxiety, including me.

Illness or character trait?

This is typical for most of us. We worry about our children and parents, we worry before an important event, we cannot sleep when some troubles happen in life, and we constantly think about them. Despite the fact that anxiety over trifles manifests itself in eighty percent of adults, experts classify this condition as signs of a mental disorder.

Indeed, anxiety is a symptom of many diseases, including:

Various phobias.
Post-traumatic disorders.
Alcoholism.
Schizophrenia.
Neurosis.

Sometimes anxiety is a sign of somatic pathology. A psychiatrist should diagnose such disorders.

Pay special attention! If, along with a restless state, you experience weakness, rapid heartbeat, nausea or increased blood pressure, you should consult a doctor.

Basic rules for peace in life

If you are completely healthy and constant anxiety is a feature of your character, listen to the following tips:

Be happy with what you have . Learn to enjoy life. Let today's small successes be a reason for joy. We got a new manicure, took our car back for repairs, washed a tough stain off a white T-shirt - great! The habit of excessive nervousness will disappear on its own when you learn to enjoy life.
Set yourself goals and achieve what you want . Make a plan for each day and put a tick next to the completed task. Concentrate on your desires, and direct all your thoughts and actions towards their implementation. Then you will have no time and energy left for trifles.
Find a hobby you like . Devote yourself to what you love. By focusing on an exciting activity, you won’t even notice how negative thoughts leave you.

Maintain a balance between work and work, spend more time with children and parents, walk in the fresh air, attend social events and travel. Only by working on yourself can you get rid of anxiety .

Tips from Dale Carnegie: “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

A couple of years ago, I bought Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” at a bookstore. This is the work of an American writer who lived by the principle that you shouldn’t spoil the mood of yourself and those around you because of troubles. All relationship building techniques in the book originate from the Bible. . Carnegie refers to the words of Jesus more than once. All the psychologist’s advice is based on the practice of communicating with people, and therefore is easily perceived by anyone.

In his works, the writer reveals the key to happiness and success, but he himself never became happy. He committed suicide. Despite this paradox, I simply could not help but read the work of the legendary speaker and teacher.

Each person has only a few decades of life. And we waste these precious hours worrying about troubles that no one will remember in a couple of months.

But it is so. Once, at a corporate party, one of my colleagues had too much alcohol and began dancing right on the pole, erotically (that’s what she thought) moving her limbs. Managers, bosses and invited guests from Germany (the founders of the company) looked at this dance with wide open eyes. So the next day, having sobered up and seeing her photographs in the public domain, she was not the least bit embarrassed. Moreover, she laughed at herself.

I still can’t say what I was more surprised by – her outburst or the subsequent reaction. However, a month passed, and then six months, and no one remembered this drunken dance anymore. If I were in her place, I most likely would have written a letter of resignation and would not have been able to survive such shame. Now I understand that such things need to be taken with a smile.

It is worth paying less attention to the situations that surround us every day:

Rudeness from colleagues.
Chief's note.
Gossip behind your back.

There is nothing good or bad. Only our thoughts about a situation make it so.

Tested for myself. If it seems like what happened has negatively impacted your life, force yourself to think about the positives of the situation. Start small: a broken heel is a reason to beg your husband for new shoes. At work, they raised the production standard - there will be a reason to develop a higher typing speed, you will have to quit smoking so as not to waste time going to the smoking room. Positive moments are all around us.

A person is unhappy not because he is blind, but because he cannot come to terms with blindness.

Any person is able to come to terms with the inevitable, to accept the situation as it is. If you don't do this, you can have a nervous breakdown trying to deal with the circumstances. It’s not for nothing that Schopenhauer said: “To get through life successfully, you need a good supply of humility.”

“Businessmen who don’t deal with anxiety die young.”

These are the words of Dr. Alexis Carrel, which Carnegie cites in his book. Indeed, if we are constantly worried and nervous, we are unlikely to live to see the moment when our grandchildren are born and go to school. It doesn’t matter who we are - businessmen, housewives, doctors or builders, none of us should torment our souls with worries .

At the age of 30, John Rockefeller made his first million. However, at 53, only high-quality medicines kept him in this world. He was brought to this state by constant worry about his success, goals and achievements.

Experts suggested that the businessman follow three important rules:

Avoid anxiety . You should not worry under any circumstances.
Stick to a diet . You need to get up from the table with a slight feeling of hunger.
Learn to relax . Special exercises in the fresh air will help with this.

Rockefeller stopped thinking about how to earn more money and began to seek simple human happiness by growing a garden, communicating with loved ones, and playing golf.

In his book, Carnegie describes many stories from people's lives. Some of them were close to suicide because their minds were filled with anxiety and worry. Reading about the difficult fate of the heroes, you are amazed at their endurance, fortitude and determination.

People who have faced serious problems and were on the edge of an abyss, found strength in themselves and were able to discern the surrounding beauty in the world . So why should we get upset over little things and ruin the mood for ourselves and those around us?

Faith that gives peace

It has been proven that believers experience much less stress. This is due to the fact that a person close to God experiences spiritual harmony, and this is the basis of all life. Remember that happiness is not some external factor, it is within us . That’s why it’s so important to find harmony within yourself.

Do more useful and kind things for others. Don't regret what happened. If something doesn't go as planned, say, "It's God's will." If happiness happens in life, thank the Lord.

The book “Don’t sweat the small stuff... It’s all the little things in life” in 10-minute reading format: reviews best books, only the most important and useful.

Richard Carlson studied the psychology of happiness and received his doctorate in 1986 for his research in this area. The result of it scientific activity became a popular advice series, “Recipes for Happiness,” which launched his career as an expert on happiness and stress reduction.

QUOTE: “So many people spend a huge amount of their energy “worrying over trifles”, they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of life. When you start moving towards this goal, you will realize that you have much more energy left to be kinder and gentler.”

On our website you can download the book "Don't sweat the small stuff... It's all the little things in life. Richard Carlson" Butler-Bowdon Volume for free and without registration in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt format, read the book online or buy the book on the Internet store.

Alena Usenko

Anxiety, suspiciousness, restlessness are constant companions unbalanced people and subtle but effective tools of self-destruction. Therefore, the ability to control oneself, without straining over trifles and refraining from worrying about every minor issue, can definitely be classified as useful, and sometimes even vital, qualities of human nature.

Let's understand the problem and find out how to learn to worry less without getting irritated about anything.

Of course, sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that even the most persistent people lose ground under their feet and confidence in the future. But admit it to yourself: most of our worries have no good reason.

If you tend to get stressed over little things—negative comments about you, unsatisfactory school results, or even bad weather—it's time to pull yourself together.

Excessive worry and endless mental replays of negative scenarios ruin your life much more than the real background of your fears and concerns. Being nervous about any reason, we inexorably lose energy and become less active, depriving ourselves of the pleasure of life with our own hands.

How to stop worrying about small things

To curb your own anxiety, you must first find its source. Using the age-old advice “know yourself,” you will become acquainted with your inner enemy. The vast majority of people create reasons for worry thanks to an overdeveloped, poorly controlled imagination. By focusing on possible negative developments, you begin to worry about the future and thereby completely spoil your mood in the present.

The recipe for getting out of the situation is simple, but not everyone can implement it: you need to learn to concentrate on the present moment.

As soon as worry begins to fill your mind, take a deep breath and:

think soberly about how many times your negative predictions actually came true - probably not often, which means that there is a high degree of probability that there is no cause for alarm in this particular case;
start thinking about today, for example, about the process that you are doing here and now - brushing your teeth, reading a book, shopping;
mentally talk through all your current actions to distract yourself from disturbing sensations.

Accustom yourself to the idea that worrying is nothing more than a waste of time and energy. It is known that we usually have to deal with two types of situations - some we can influence, while the outcome of all others does not depend on us.

If you are interested in a positive outcome from the current situation, ask yourself a simple question: “What can I really do about this?” and honestly evaluate your answer. Doesn't anything depend on you?

Great, then there’s no point in exhausting yourself with anxiety and worries. Can your actions affect the outcome?

Worry will be a bad help: you need to concentrate on achieving your goal, stop being nervous and start taking action. A brain clouded by anxiety works less efficiently - remember this and don’t let yourself down.

How to stop being nervous and worrying a lot even when there are good reasons

Sometimes the anxiety that envelops the mind has real, not fictitious reasons. For example, there was a break in relations with someone important to you. Or you have an important exam coming up. Or you have been scheduled for an interview on which your career depends.

The reasons may be really weighty, but this does not mean that you need to let the situation take its course and allow your imagination to dramatize it. It is useful to know how to stop worrying about work, school or personal relationships, so that nervous tension did not stop you from achieving your goal.

Remove jitters before important event Simple breathing exercises will help. They allow you to calm your worries and calm your nerves.

This is done like this:

counting evenly to four, take a deep breath;
we hold the air in our lungs and count to two;
exhale slowly (again in four counts);
counting to two, do not breathe, and then repeat everything from the beginning.

By taking full, deep breaths and exhaling with the obligatory short breath-hold, after a while you will notice that your head has cleared up and your thoughts have become calmer.

But just don't forget to breathe "A+", engage the aperture; after all, shallow breathing does not give such an effect.