Reasons and ways to combat selfishness. Method of getting rid of selfishness What is selfishness and how to get rid of it
Greetings to all, friends! Once again, listening to Vadim Zeland’s book “”, namely the chapter where he talks about destructive pendulums (Book 1 “Space of Options”), I came to the conclusion that pendulums cling a person to his weak points, and thereby provoke him to aggression . This may not be the standard way of looking at things, but in my opinion, a person has only one weak point - his ego.
That is, I’m now talking about the ego - as an accumulation in the personality, therefore, I propose to figure out not only how to defeat selfishness and overcome the ego, but also how to bring order to the dark corners of your soul. Let's start the discussion?
Ego and selfishness
Let's look at the definitions:
Ego (Latin ego - “I”) - according to psychoanalytic theory, that part of the human personality that is recognized as “I” and is in contact with the outside world through perception. The ego plans, evaluates, remembers, and otherwise responds to the influence of the physical and social environment.
Selfishness is behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his own interests above the interests of others.
You see, although ego means “I” in Latin, it is only “a part of the human personality.” And this part carries out planning (how to manifest itself in society), assessment (assessing the situation, oneself and others), remembering (what a person saw, heard, personal experience). Further, based on the established attitudes, it reacts to the influence of the physical and social environment.
Is it bad? No, it’s not bad if a person doesn’t have: he doesn’t judge, doesn’t suffer from various complexes, doesn’t get offended, doesn’t impose his opinion on others; if a person does not have . After all, the presence of idealizations and negative programs make a person weak, preventing a person’s best self-expression.
Let's analyze "selfishness". Selfishness is behavior determined by the thought of one's own benefit. It turns out that the ego filters all its possibilities and, based on this, tries to break the situation in its favor, while often showing dissatisfaction and aggression. That is, by attack, a person protects his weaknesses. Tell me, is this strength? As the saying goes: “If you’re angry, you’re wrong.” In addition, by emitting negative energy, a person moves on and attracts even greater troubles into his life.
The true essence of man
But the human self carries within itself another part, pure and flawless - the True Self. And if the ego is a person’s weakness, then the True Self is his strength, his creative component and the path to genius. In addition, when a person comes to his true essence and follows the path of life's destiny, he turns on external intention, and then it’s all over. As you can see, in this case there is no longer any need to defend yourself and bend the whole world under you. I hope the arguments are compelling, shall we continue?
How to overcome ego
There is no point in fighting selfishness, as you will waste your strength in vain. Here you need to act differently, namely: monitor your negative thoughts and emotions (egoreactions - a negative reaction to something), replace them with positive ones both in relation to other people and in relation to yourself. This is not a struggle, this is strengthening the position of your True Self.
For example, my story: It happened to me a little over two years ago, I had just completed Christy Marie Sheldon’s “Love and Beyond” program and figured out how. And so, I went out to the store to buy bread, stopped to cross the road, and a car stopped next to me, so much so that rubble flew. Well, of course, I didn’t rush at the driver with my fists, but I thought very unpleasant things about him, and then I realized: “Oh, what is it me?” I immediately corrected myself and mentally said after the leaving car: “I bless you with a clean with love and light, I bless you with a pure source of energy.”
It’s good that I remembered, but it would have been better to immediately send love and blessings instead of negative thoughts. I decided that next time I would do just that. The next time, a car almost ran into me at a pedestrian crossing, but I immediately sent my blessing to the driver. I crossed the road and cried both from fear and from the fact that I had overcome myself and my negative reaction.
And also, they add strength to a person and harmonize his condition, also tested on myself.
That's all for now. I wish everyone success on this path. If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer.
With love and respect, Elena Azhevskaya.
Egoism (from Latin ego - “I”) - value orientation, behavior entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his own interests above the interests of others.
Selfishness is perceived in completely different ways by different individuals. What is considered normal for one person may be perceived by another as excessive selfishness. Often the name egoist is used simply as a negative label, demonstrating a negative attitude towards a person without serious reasons.
Selfishness can be obvious, hidden and open, as well as disguised. It can also be conscious and impulsive, far-sighted and short-sighted.
An egoist most often does not go beyond materiality. He wants comfort, material well-being, satisfaction of his desires and ambitions. Those people who think that selfishness is self-love are mistaken. This is not true, far from it. After all, often what an egoist wants for himself is far from useful for him. That is, he harms himself and self-destructs in every possible way, which means that he does not love himself, but rather even hates himself.
Egoism is, in fact, the antipode of spirituality. Almost all religions and spiritual teachings teach detachment from oneself, from one’s personal egoistic interests. A person closed in these selfish interests is a very limited person, he is like a cancer cell on the body of society, which strives to take, always and everywhere, without giving anything.
The development of egoism and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in upbringing. If the tactics of family education are objectively aimed at consolidating such manifestations as inflated self-esteem and egocentrism of the child, then he can develop a stable value orientation, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account.
The philosophy of the egoist sounds in one word - “Give”. An egoist is someone who only wants to receive and not give anything in return. But our life is designed in such a way that it is difficult to receive something without giving something in return. Answer another rhetorical question: “Is it important for a person to receive or to give?” That's the main thing: to receive or to give? Well, of course you can get it, and for free. Receiving is main principle selfish. Giving is the main principle of an altruist. Receiving only for yourself is very bad.
Egoists, by their nature, are real destroyers. If an egoist creates a family, then he destroys it, in any case, his family will never be happy. If an egoist is some kind of boss, then you will not envy his subordinates, they will not see justice and self-care, and any enterprise will suffer big losses, because all egoistic bosses, as a rule, are bureaucrats and careerists who do not disdain anything just to strengthen your position, and by any means and means, bribes, theft, to provide for yourself financially. The interests of the state and people are indifferent to them. And so it is always, everywhere and in everything - such people destroy everything and cause only one harm.
The insatiable ego constantly shouts: “not enough!”, because it does not know how to be content with little, it does not know modesty. Selfishness leads to the fact that a person’s mind is constantly in tension, calculating its own benefit and resorting to various tricks and tricks. A person suffering from selfishness cannot truly love either others or even himself. For him, the most important thing is that he feels good and comfortable, and nothing else matters. But the desire for peace and comfort is not love at all. Hidden under a pile of egoism is a helpless and suffering person who needs warmth, care and attention, but she does not know how all this can be legitimately received.
And everyone must draw their own conclusion from all of the above. After all, no one except the person himself can reliably determine how selfish he is, whether he needs it and in what direction he should develop further. Should he choose the path of personal egoism, stimulating his lower “I” or the path of a particle of the Higher Divine “I” (individuality), striving to open this “I” in himself. For how can a person be an egoist who realizes that he and the people around him are part of the One Whole, who understands that when I do good to others, he also does good to himself?
How to get rid of selfishness:
Let's start with the fact that a person must realize his problem and want to get rid of it. Otherwise, there is nothing to hope for a favorable outcome. First of all, it is necessary to find the origins of egoism. As a rule, behind selfish behavior lies a fear of the unknown and a huge distrust of other people. In order to get rid of this fear and mistrust, willpower is required. If selfishness develops into a pathological desire for power and delusions of grandeur, then in this case only long-term psychotherapeutic treatment can help. However, even in this case, a person must clearly realize that he is an egoist and want to change.
Take advantage of our useful tips to get rid of selfishness:
1. Try to do one good and selfless deed every day - take an old lady across the road, give a free ride to a voter, help a neighbor carry her bags to her apartment, replace an employee at work, babysit with her nephew.
2. Master active listening techniques. It involves active participation in the conversation, therefore:
- Ask leading questions;
- Be interested in the narrator's feelings;
- Pay attention to body language;
- Express your assessment of what you heard.
3. Help the people around you. For example, take part in a charity event - feed a local homeless person, throw a couple of rubles to a beggar, take old things and toys to an orphanage. Lots of options! As a last resort, go to the social service, they will find a worthy use for your energy.
4. Get a pet. Over time, he will become a real member of your family. In addition, animals are entirely dependent on people; they need to be fed, washed, walked, and taken to the veterinarian. In general, you definitely won’t be able to live only for yourself.
5. Get rid of selfishness and greed - start a family and have children! To build a good relationship you will have to take little and give a lot, and this is the best solution to the problem.
6. Become a member of the team. Join an amateur music troupe, go on a hike with your staff, become a member of the PTA, take part in team competitions, try your hand at joint project. The sense of community and common cause will force you to pacify your own “I”.
7. Talk less about yourself. When meeting with friends or relatives, do not rush to dump your sorrows and sorrows on them. First, ask how they are feeling and how things are going.
8. In order not to be selfish, learn to give first and then receive.
One of the most common sins in our time is selfishness. Often this attitude towards others is perceived as a character trait that spoils the life not only of its owner, but also of those around him. During the days of Lent, it is important to pay attention to the eradication of sins and passions. We have collected sayings of Athonite saints and elders that will help defeat selfishness.
“In order for the soul to be spiritually resurrected, a person must be crucified so that his spiritual passions and, above all, selfishness die - the disorderly child of pride, which hinders Divine grace and breaks a person’s face.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“In the soul of a person who has not known perfect love, the two commandments of Christ often become in sharp mutual contradiction. He who loves God withdraws from the world and plunges into some kind of spiritual egoism, and, as if indifferent to what is happening in the world, saves his soul. Passionately loving the human world, lives by its suffering. Carrying within himself sorrow for the world, he rebels against God, considering Him to be the culprit of the suffering with which the whole world is flooded; and sometimes rises to the point of strong hostility.” (Reverend Silouan of Athos).
“Curiosity and selfishness have nothing in common with each other, just as repentance differs from repentance. Judas repented because of his selfishness. The Apostle Peter repented and wept bitterly because of his selfishness.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“Behind pettiness and grumpiness are selfishness and ingratitude. Such people do not rejoice, but whine, get irritated and are self-absorbed.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“The true life of a person as an individual forces a person to mortify his egoism. So, the problem is to find the strength to discover the ability to overcome egoism and develop indestructible personal communication.” (St. Gregory Palamas).
“If a person has achieved a state of fearlessness before death, it means that he has conquered his egoism.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“Where the cold word “mine” is present, there, say the divine fathers, there is no union of love and Christ is expelled; those who are possessed by this passion (of possessiveness), then become characterized by selfishness, love of money, brotherly hatred and every kind of evil, which even now disgraces them.” (St. Gregory Palamas).
“If you have a passion for selfishness, you will never get through the ordeals of the air.” (Elder Dionysius).
“The beginning of good is humility, and the beginning of evil is selfishness.” (Elder Ephraim).
“True humility cannot be acquired without a mentor, especially today, when selfishness takes hold even in infancy. We need to obey a good teacher who must have a good purpose. It’s one thing when it seems to us that we are humbled, and another thing is the truth. The truth is revealed in temptations.” (Elder Dionysius).
“Do not think that those who have selfishness are in their right mind. No! Passion has overcome them, and they are overcome by it in such a way that you cannot find them common language. Therefore, let us be careful not to allow selfishness to prevail over us, so that we do not begin to think of ourselves as if we are something, they say, “I know better than another,” and so on in the same spirit, for then the grace of the Holy Spirit retreats from us.” (Elder Dionysius).
“We must be very careful in our affairs, work to eradicate selfishness, which, like a terrible beast, gnaws at us from the inside. Our “I,” growing enormously, makes us irritated and angry, condemn, look at other people as our debtors, insult and humiliate them. It pushes us to condemnation, puffs up our thoughts, fills us with thoughts about the greatness of our deeds, the height of our virtues.” (Elder Ephraim).
“As soon as I quarrel with someone, selfishness immediately rears its head in me, my thought tells me: “The other one is to blame: it was he who began to be angry with me, because it was he who said insulting words - he must reconcile. If, in the end, he had spoken to me differently, more softly, then I, of course, would have endured it and would not have responded to his insult. That means for sure: it’s not me who is to blame, but he.” So much for the passion of egoism!” (Elder Ephraim).
“You have to tell yourself this: “No, no, if I didn’t have selfishness, then I wouldn’t succumb to temptation. So it's my fault, not my brother's. If I had humility, then I would think that this man is the maker of crowns for me, that with this man, like a red-hot iron, Jesus burns out my passion so that I become healthy. This means that my brother is doing me a favor because he burns out passion in me. He is my benefactor! (Elder Ephraim).
The ancient people had a tough approach to solving problems - anyone who was different, weak or sick was worth killing. Now it seems barbaric, but people still continue to stick to their old habits. Only instead of axes, they destroy other people with selfishness. This character trait is fueled by fear, the primal fear that exists in each of us. In this state, people are ready to behave like animals. It is almost impossible to completely get rid of selfishness, but it is quite possible to control yourself. Eight simple ways can help you.
You can deal with selfishness if you accept your character
There are certain patterns of behavior that are characteristic of any person. Many of them were necessary for survival. But in normal situations, you shouldn't let yourself get out of control. For centuries, people have tried to change according to social norms. The genetic code of domesticated dogs and cats changes, and the same happens to people. So you should not be afraid of innate tendencies - it is completely natural to struggle and cope with them.
Start destroying the egoist in yourself
You can tame a person by coping with all his shortcomings. By curbing your instincts and wild tendencies, you control your ego. When selfishness begins to manifest itself in your character, try to restrain its appearance by pretending that you do not have such a trait. However, resistance to evil tendencies can be incredibly powerful. You must train yourself to remain in control in any situation. The whole point of socialization and taming yourself is to always save face and remain human. 
Don't try to deny your shortcomings
What happens when someone notices your shortcomings and starts criticizing you? Everything that is most primal awakens in you. You are returning to an uncivilized state when all problems were solved by aggression. If you feel threatened by someone's ideas or presence, you become aggressive. Even if you like someone but don't have the same feelings, aggression cannot be avoided. The same thing happens in situations where you feel weaker. Your selfishness leads to such an inadequate reaction. If you suppress negativity, one day you may relapse. You need to learn how to release tension correctly.
You can deal with selfishness if you understand that it is a natural part of every person
In fact, a certain amount of selfishness is necessary for you to survive. When you decide to suppress it completely, you forget about the natural parts of your personality. You limit yourself, you cannot relax and act spontaneously. If you have serious problems controlling your ego, let it go. Learn to live in the moment. Over time, you will realize that disorder and chaos can also be a source of inspiration. You shouldn’t be afraid of them, you should use them as an advantage, if it’s impossible to get rid of chaos under almost any conditions. 
You can deal with selfishness if you don't control everything around you.
Selfishness forces you to control everything that surrounds you. The control freak is trying to find not friends, but obedient pets. He tries to keep people on a leash, not giving them the right to their own will. The egoist forces people to obey their own desires and love him for who he is. But in reality, few people are ready to be a pet. You must learn not only to take, but also to give. Accept people for who they are. Your communication experience can serve as a wonderful life lesson. Over time, you will become better than you were, even if you cannot forget about selfishness forever and retain your previous character traits.
You can destroy selfishness by unlearning how to judge people
Those who like to control everything also have a habit of constantly judging everyone. They feel safe only when everything goes according to their opinions and tastes. If you want to get rid of this tendency, stop judging and criticizing everyone around you. Learn to accept everyone as they are, do not change them according to your own beliefs - this is still impossible, as you will only ruin the life of yourself and your loved ones or friends.
You will forget about selfishness if you learn to confront yourself
We all have a bully in us. Perhaps you were offended by your parents, friends or relatives. Now you perceive any conflict as a reason for aggressive behavior. You immediately become angry and perceive the other person as a threat. You are driven by fear. It’s not normal to be in a constant state of aggression and fear; you simply won’t be able to think adequately. Control your own outbursts of selfishness, try to determine what makes you do this.
Your selfishness can be your friend
If you have problems with anger outbursts, are impulsive, which you often regret, and constantly argue with people, try to face your problem. It arises out of fear. The reason for this fear is a feeling of insecurity. You can only allow yourself to be weak when you are confident in your safety. Figure out what's causing you concern. Why do you constantly feel threatened? Start thinking differently, imagine that you are surrounded by peace and comfort. Selfishness is a natural feeling, it is difficult to control because it is driven by instincts. But if you learn to accept it and control yourself properly, life can change in incredible ways.
Many of us love to be the center of attention, but sometimes this habit borders on selfishness. Some people like to be selfish, but others don’t, it interferes with relationships, careers and development of oneself as a person.
However, if you simply ask the question of how to get rid of selfishness, then the answer is unlikely to be found - this is not the easiest process, which implies a certain personal transformation. You can overcome this negative feeling within yourself if you have the desire and ability to put some effort into it.
How to understand if you have selfishness
Let me make a reservation right away that this formulation is not entirely correct - selfishness is present in each of us to one degree or another, this distinguishing feature healthy psyche. Another thing is that egoism can take an exaggerated form, and then it truly becomes a problem. It can be determined using the following observations:- how often do you do good deeds;
- do you listen to other people;
- Are you able, in principle, to put someone else’s interests above your own?
There can be many, many manifestations of a selfish nature. Ask yourself a few questions. For example:
One of the reasons for possible selfishness may be lack of attention. Try to make sure that the amount of attention you are receiving is enough for you personally. Otherwise, you will not be able to finally understand how to get rid of selfishness - this problem will come back to you again and again.
Looking for reasons
Let's say you have discovered the signs of a selfish person, and now you want to overcome them, but you have absolutely no idea how to stop being selfish. This is not done in a couple of hours - after all, killing part of your ego is not so easy. And egoism is nothing more than an exorbitantly expanded ego. And in order to overcome it, you need to understand in general the nature of its occurrence.The ego is that part of the subconscious that is responsible for psychological safety and health. In other words, she in every possible way prevents any unpleasant decisions, changes and any changes.
Defeating your own ego means making your life easier. The fact is that the ego leads us in the wrong direction - we begin to want not what we really need, but what seems simply attractive to us. In order to understand this for yourself, try to imagine the following picture - you didn’t have a bicycle as a child, you felt unhappy, and now you can buy one.
But your ego will convince you that an adult and a bicycle are not a very good combination, and all your peers have long been changing foreign cars like gloves. Do you feel the difference? You want a bicycle, but your ego is talking about a car. And so it is in everything. Imagine how many problems with yourself can be avoided if you learn to curb your ego.
Finding a solution
So, what do you need to do to tame your ego and how to stop being selfish?- See your own manifestations of selfishness.
- Learn to be interested in other people.
- Be able to put someone else's interests above your own.
- Learn to be generous.
- Be responsive in relationships.
It is very easy to develop an interest in others - just try to take a closer look at the people you meet every day. Egoists often lack broad-mindedness, and they often think that the people around them (including family and loved ones) are not as interesting as themselves. This is a mistaken opinion; anyone can be interesting if you get to know them better.
The ability to extol other people's interests comes naturally over the years, but if suddenly for some reason it has passed you by, it makes sense to develop it in yourself. To do this, we learn unconditional service to others. This could be caring for younger or older relatives (of course, not for money or inheritance, but simply for training and personal development), or it could be volunteer work. Even if you set aside one day and completely devote it to your loved one, you will notice how something changes for the better in your relationship.
Generosity in our time is similar to luxury, but we are not necessarily talking about material generosity, although it is also necessary. Learn to be generous. Take part in charity fundraisers or marathons, try to give your attention to someone who needs it from the bottom of your heart. You will be surprised at how quickly you can transform yourself.
Relationships are the most important part of a person's life. How about your loved one? You need to learn to listen and be responsive to all the wishes and comments of your significant other. You can always cope with yourself. Just don’t think that simply agreeing on everything with your loved one will save you - it’s important to start reacting, taking some steps, acting, then you can cure yourself of indifference and selfish antics.
Loading...