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Preface

There is no need to explain what history as such is, since everyone should know this with their mother’s milk. But what is ancient history? A few words need to be said about this.
It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, to put it scientifically, would not get into some kind of story. But no matter how long ago this happened to him, we still have no right to name the incident that happened. ancient history. For in the face of science, everything has its own strict division and classification.
Let's say in short:
a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;
b) ancient history is the history that happened with the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.
Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.
Although scientists know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, they would have to call it historical), nevertheless they divide it into three centuries:
1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;
2) bronze, when bronze tools were made using stone;
3) iron, when iron tools were made using bronze and stone.
In general, inventions were rare then and people were slow to come up with inventions; Therefore, as soon as they invent something, they now call their century by the name of the invention.
In our time, this is no longer conceivable, because every day the name of the century would have to be changed: Pillian Age, Flat Tire Age, Syndeticon Age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.
In those times, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having grown stronger and developed a brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, dividing into families, they began to fence themselves off with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state arose, a state, state life on which it is based further development citizenship and culture.
Ancient peoples were divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.
Whites, in turn, are divided into:
1) Aryans, descended from Noah’s son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess from whom they descended;
2) Semites - or those without the right of residence - and
3) rude people, people not accepted in decent society
Usually, history is always divided chronologically from such and such a period to such and such a period. You can’t do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways , without order, reason or purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you won’t be able to get out.

East

Egypt

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.
Pyramids are pyramid-shaped buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely out of infancy, the pharaoh was already looking for a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.
After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. From the outside they enclosed it in a painted case, put it all together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. Over time, the small amount of pharaoh that was contained between the aromas and the case dried out and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent the people's money unproductively!

But fate is fair. Less than tens of thousands of years had passed before the Egyptian population regained its prosperity by trading wholesale and retail the mortal corpses of their overlords, and in many European museums one can see examples of these dried pharaohs, nicknamed mummies for their immobility. For a special fee, museum guards allow visitors to click the mummy with their finger.
Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of them have been preserved on the site of ancient Thebes, nicknamed “hundred-gate” by the number of its twelve gates. Now, according to archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. This is how sometimes great things turn into useful things!
Egyptian monuments are often covered in writing that is extremely difficult to decipher. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.
The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The most important caste belonged to the priests. It was very difficult to become a priest. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry up to the equality of triangles, including geography, which in those days embraced space globe at least six hundred square miles.
The priests had their hands full, because, in addition to geography, they also had to deal with divine services, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for any priest to snatch even an hour for geography during the whole day.
The Egyptians were not particularly picky when it came to paying divine honors. They deified the sun, cow, Nile, bird, dog, moon, cat, wind, hippopotamus, earth, mouse, crocodile, snake and many other domestic and wild animals.
In view of this abundance of God, the most cautious and pious Egyptian had to commit various sacrileges every minute. Either he will step on the cat’s tail, or he will point at the sacred dog, or he will eat a holy fly in the borscht. The people were nervous, dying out and degenerating.
Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, without expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon

Babylon, known for its pandemonium, was nearby.

Assyria

The main city of Assyria was Assur, named after the god Assur, who in turn received this name from the main city of Assu. Where is the end, where is the beginning - the ancient peoples, due to illiteracy, could not figure out and did not leave any monuments that could help us in this bewilderment.
The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They amazed their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur-Tiglaf-Abu-Kherib-Nazir-Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but a shortened affectionate nickname, which his mother gave the young king for his small stature.
The custom of Assyrian christenings was this: as soon as a baby was born to the king, male, female, or another sex, a specially trained scribe immediately sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by work, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached adulthood. By this time, his entire name was considered to be completely and correctly written to the end.
These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already impaled its inhabitants.

From the surviving images, modern scientists see that the Assyrians held the art of hairdressing very highly, since all the kings had beards curled in smooth, neat curls.
If we take this issue even more seriously, we may be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians always depict animals with the same curled manes and tails as the beards of their kings.
Truly studying samples ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to people, but also to animals.
The last Assyrian king is considered, in short, Ashur-Adonai-Aban-Nipal. When his capital was besieged by the Medes, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be lit in the square of his palace; then, having piled all his property on it, he climbed up with all his wives and, having secured himself, burned to the ground.
The annoyed enemies hastened to surrender.

Persians

There were peoples living in Iran whose names ended in “Yan”: the Bactrians and Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in “sy”.
The Bactrians and Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages gave birth to a grandson, Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.
Herodotus tells a touching legend about the youth of Cyrus.

One day Astyages dreamed that a tree grew out of his daughter. Struck by the indecency of this dream, Astyages ordered the magicians to unravel it. The magicians said that the son of Astyages' daughter would reign over all of Asia. Astyages was very upset, as he wanted a more modest fate for his grandson.
– And tears flow through gold! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.
The courtier, who was fed up with his own business, entrusted this business to a shepherd he knew. The shepherd, due to lack of education and negligence, mixed everything up and, instead of strangling him, began to raise the child.
When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered the son of a nobleman to be flogged. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the child's broad nature. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:
- This is Kir! Only our family knows how to flog like that.
And Cyrus fell into his grandfather’s arms.
Having reached his age, Cyrus defeated the Lydian king Croesus and began to roast him at the stake. But during this procedure Croesus suddenly exclaimed:
- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!
This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.
“I have never heard such words from those who were roasting,” he admitted to his friends.
He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what this meant.
Then Croesus spoke. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to show off the sage's eyes, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease him, asked Solon who he considered the most happy man in the world.
If Solon had been a gentleman, he would, of course, have said “you, your Majesty.” But the sage was a simple-minded man, one of the narrow-minded, and blurted out that “before death, no one can say to himself that he is happy.”
Since Croesus was a king precocious for his years, he immediately realized that after death people rarely talk in general, so even then there would be no need to boast about their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.
This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not finish cooking him.
After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight with the Ethiopians, entered the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, little by little he ate his entire army. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There at that time the opening of the new Apis was celebrated.
At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the king, emaciated on human flesh, rushed at him and pinned him with his own hands, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.
One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself False Smerdiz, immediately began to reign. The Persians rejoiced:
- Long live our king False Smerdiz! - they shouted.
At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.
Thus died this wisest of the eastern despots.
After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspes reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. After the battle, feasts were held, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.
Those warriors who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their own dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.
Having learned about the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.
With these simple gifts they thought to soften the heart of their formidable enemy.
But things took a completely different turn.
One of Darius' warriors, Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging around behind his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.
“This means that if you Persians do not fly like birds, chew like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will not return to your home forever.”
Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered the shafts to be turned.
Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for his equally wise rule, which he led with the same success as his military enterprises.
The ancient Persians were initially distinguished by their courage and simplicity of morals. They taught their sons three subjects:
1) ride a horse;
2) shoot with a bow and
3) tell the truth.
A young man who did not pass the exam in all three of these subjects was considered ignorant and was not admitted to the public service.
But little by little the Persians began to indulge in a pampered lifestyle. They stopped riding horses, forgot how to shoot a bow, and, while spending their time idly, cut the truth. As a result, the huge Persian state began to quickly decline.
Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Having become depraved, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece

Greece occupies the southern part of the Balkan Peninsula.
Nature itself divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is located in the north;
2) western – in the west;
3) eastern - not in the east and, finally,
4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.
This original division of Greece has long attracted the attention of the entire cultural part of the world's population.
The so-called “Greeks” lived in Greece.
They spoke a dead language and indulged in the creation of myths about gods and heroes.
The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, who became famous for cleaning out Augean stables and thus gave the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neat guy killed his wife and children.
The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who absent-mindedly killed his father and married his mother. This caused a pestilence to spread throughout the country and everything was revealed. Oedipus had to gouge out his eyes and go traveling with Antigone.
In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or “The Beautiful Helen,” was created in three acts with music by Offenbach.
It was like this: King Menelaus (comic bouffe) had a wife, nicknamed the Beautiful Helen for her beauty and because she wore a dress with a slit. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.
The war was terrible. Menelaus found himself completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.
Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful humanity; for example, the phrase of the priest Calchas: “Too many flowers” is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

The war ended thanks to the intervention of the cunning Odysseus. To give the soldiers the opportunity to get to Troy, Odysseus made a wooden horse and put the soldiers in it, and he left. The Trojans, tired of the long siege, were not averse to playing with a wooden horse, for which they paid. In the midst of the game, the Greeks got out of the horse and conquered their careless enemies.
After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and indulged in betrayal of their husbands, who were killed immediately after the first handshakes.
The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return straight home, but made a short detour at ten years to give his wife Penelope time to prepare to meet him.
Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, while away the time with her suitors.
The suitors really wanted to marry her, but she decided that it was much more fun to have thirty suitors than one husband, and she cheated the unfortunate ones by delaying the wedding day. Penelope weaved during the day, and at night she flogged the woven fabric, and at the same time, her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.
The Iliad shows us the military side of Greek life. "Odyssey" paints pictures of everyday life and social mores.
Both of these poems are considered the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in ancient times that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of contemporary poets, whom their own parents are often not averse to abandoning!
Based on the Iliad and Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.
The population of Greece was divided into:
1) kings;
2) warriors and
3) people.
Everyone performed their function.
The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories with a “mixed roar.”
The king, usually a poor man, derived his family from the gods (little consolation with an empty treasury) and supported his existence with more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also descended from the gods, but to a more distant extent, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.
In war, these noble men marched ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. They were covered with a helmet on top, a shell in the middle, and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble man rode into battle in a pair of chariots with a coachman - calmly and comfortably, as in a tram.
They all fought in all directions, each for himself, therefore, even the defeated could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.
In addition to the king, warriors and people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former warriors and former people.
The position of women among the Greeks was enviable in comparison with their position among the eastern peoples.
The Greek woman was responsible for all the care of the household, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, while eastern women were forced to spend time in idleness and harem pleasures among boring luxury.
The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and visited many families often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into sad bewilderment.
In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have survived to this day, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Really, gods,
It makes you happy
When our honor
Somersault, somersault
Will it fly?!

Concept of afterlife It was very vague among the Greeks. The shadows of sinners were sent to the gloomy Tartarus (in Russian - to the tartars). The righteous enjoyed bliss in Elysium, but so meagerly that Achilles, knowledgeable in these matters, admitted frankly: “It is better to be a poor man’s day laborer on earth than to reign over all the shadows of the dead.” An argument that struck everyone with its commercialism. ancient world.
The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was located in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat on the so-called tripod (not to be confused with the statue of Memnon) and, falling into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.
The Greeks, spoiled by smooth speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to the incoherent words and reinterpret them in their own way.
The Greeks were tried at the Amphictyon Court.
The court met twice a year; the spring session was in Delphi, the autumn session in Thermopylae.
Each community sent two jurors to the trial. These jurors came up with a very clever oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to bend their souls and not to protect their relatives, they took the following oath: “I swear to never destroy the cities belonging to the Amphictyon alliance, and never to deprive it of flowing water, either in peace or in war time".
That's all!
But this shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek juror possessed. It would have been easy for some of them, even the weakest of them, to destroy the city or stop the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.
The Greeks calculated their chronology according to the most important events of their public life, that is, according to Olympic Games. These games consisted of ancient Greek youths competing in strength and dexterity. Everything was going like clockwork, but then Herodotus started reading aloud passages from his history during the competition. This act had the proper effect; the athletes relaxed, the public, who had hitherto rushed to the Olympics like mad, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised them. The games stopped on their own.

Sparta

Laconia formed the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and received its name from the manner of the local inhabitants to express themselves laconically.
It was hot in Laconia in summer and cold in winter. This climate system, unusual for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.
The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.
In Sparta there was a ditch filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not fenced with walls and the courage of the citizens was supposed to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local city fathers less than the worst stockade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged it so that they always had two kings at a time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The legislator Lycurgus put an end to this bacchanalia.
Lycurgus was of royal family and took care of his nephew.
At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eye with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally ran out, Lycurgus was advised to go traveling. They thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow influence his justice.
But, as they say, together it’s sickening, but apart it’s boring. Before Lycurgus had time to freshen up in the company of the Egyptian priests, his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and established his laws in Sparta.
After this, fearing too ardent gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.
– Why provide to others what you can do yourself! - were his last words.
The Spartans, seeing that the bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.
The population of Sparta was divided into three classes: Spartiates, Perieci and Helots.
The Spartiates were local aristocrats, they did gymnastics, walked naked and generally set the tone.
Gymnastics was prohibited for Periecs. Instead they paid taxes.
The helots, or, as the local wits put it, the “underdogs,” had it the worst of all. They cultivated the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, came up with the so-called cryptia, that is, simply, at a certain hour they killed all the helots they encountered. This remedy quickly forced the helots to come to their senses and live in complete contentment.
The Spartan kings received much respect but little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.
Since two kings always reigned in Sparta and there was also a republic, all this together was called an aristocratic republic.
According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life according to their concepts. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they gathered in a cheerful group in so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of an aristocratic streak even in our time as a relic of hoary antiquity.
Their favorite food was black soup, prepared from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This stew, as a historical memory of the glorious past, is still prepared in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as “brandahlysta”.
The Spartans were also very modest and simple in their clothing. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex costume, consisting of a wreath on their heads and a flute in their right hand. In ordinary times, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

Raising children was very harsh. Most often they were killed outright. This made them courageous and resilient.
They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream during a spanking. At the age of twenty, the Spartan passed the matriculation exam in this subject. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was released from this duty.

Preface

There is no need to explain what history as such is, since everyone should know this with their mother’s milk. But what is ancient history? A few words need to be said about this.

It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, to put it scientifically, would not get into some kind of story. But no matter how long ago this happened to him, we still have no right to call the incident ancient history. For in the face of science, everything has its own strict division and classification.

Let's say in short:

a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is the history that happened with the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Although scientists know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, they would have to call it historical), nevertheless they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made using stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made using bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were rare then and people were slow to come up with inventions; therefore, as soon as they invent something, they now call their century by the name of the invention.

In our time, this is no longer conceivable, because every day the name of the century would have to be changed: Pillian Age, Flat Tire Age, Syndeticon Age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.

In those times, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having grown stronger and developed a brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, dividing into families, they began to fence themselves off with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state of life arose, on which the further development of citizenship and culture is based.

Ancient peoples were divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.

Whites, in turn, are divided into:

1) Aryans, descended from Noah’s son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess from whom they descended;

2) Semites - or those without the right of residence - and

3) rude people, people not accepted in a decent society.

Usually, history is always divided chronologically from such and such a period to such and such a period. You can’t do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways , without order, reason or purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you won’t be able to get out.

East

Egypt

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

Pyramids are pyramid-shaped buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely out of infancy, the pharaoh was already looking for a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.

After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. From the outside they enclosed it in a painted case, put it all together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. Over time, the small amount of pharaoh that was contained between the aromas and the case dried out and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent the people's money unproductively!

Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of them have been preserved on the site of ancient Thebes, nicknamed “hundred-gate” by the number of its twelve gates. Now, according to archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. This is how sometimes great things turn into useful things!

Egyptian monuments are often covered in writing that is extremely difficult to decipher. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.

The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The most important caste belonged to the priests. It was very difficult to become a priest. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry up to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced the space of the globe at least six hundred square miles.

The priests had their hands full, because, in addition to geography, they also had to deal with divine services, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for any priest to snatch even an hour for geography during the whole day.

The Egyptians were not particularly picky when it came to paying divine honors. They deified the sun, cow, Nile, bird, dog, moon, cat, wind, hippopotamus, earth, mouse, crocodile, snake and many other domestic and wild animals.

Preface

There is no need to explain what history as such is, since everyone should know this with their mother’s milk. But what is ancient history? A few words need to be said about this.

It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, to put it in scientific language, would not get into some kind of story. But no matter how long ago this happened to him, we still have no right to call the incident ancient history. For in the face of science, everything has its own strict division and classification.

Let's say in short:

a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is the history that happened with the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Although scientists know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, they would have to call it historical), nevertheless they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made using stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made using bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were rare then and people were slow to come up with inventions; Therefore, as soon as they invent something, they now call their century by the name of the invention.

Ancient peoples were divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.

Whites, in turn, are divided into:

1) Aryans, descended from Noah’s son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess from whom they descended;

2) Semites - or those without the right of residence - and

3) rude people, people not accepted in decent society

Usually, history is always divided chronologically from such and such a period to such and such a period. You can’t do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways, without order, reason and purpose. Therefore, scientists came up with the idea to consider the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you won’t be able to get out.

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

Egyptian monuments are often covered in writing that is extremely difficult to decipher. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.

In view of this abundance of God, the most cautious and pious Egyptian had to commit various sacrileges every minute. Either he will step on the cat’s tail, or he will point at the sacred dog, or he will eat a holy fly in the borscht. The people were nervous, dying out and degenerating.

Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, without expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon, known for its pandemonium, was nearby.

The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They amazed their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur Tiglaf Abu Herib Nazir Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but a shortened affectionate nickname, which his mother gave the young king for his small stature.

The custom of Assyrian christenings was this: as soon as a baby was born to the king, male, female, or another sex, a specially trained scribe immediately sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by work, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached adulthood. By this time, his entire name was considered to be completely and correctly written to the end.

These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already impaled its inhabitants.

From the surviving images, modern scientists see that the Assyrians held the art of hairdressing very highly, since all the kings had beards curled in smooth, neat curls.

If we take this issue even more seriously, we may be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians always depict animals with the same curled manes and tails as the beards of their kings.

Truly, studying samples of ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to people, but also to animals.

The last Assyrian king is considered, in short, Ashur Adonai Aban Nipal. When his capital was besieged by the Medes, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be lit in the square of his palace; then, having piled all his property on it, he climbed up with all his wives and, having secured himself, burned to the ground.

The annoyed enemies hastened to surrender.

There were peoples living in Iran whose names ended in “Yan”: the Bactrians and Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in “sy”.

The Bactrians and Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages gave birth to a grandson, Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.

Herodotus tells a touching legend about the youth of Cyrus.

– And tears flow through gold! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.

The courtier, who was fed up with his own business, entrusted this business to a shepherd he knew. The shepherd, due to lack of education and negligence, mixed everything up and, instead of strangling him, began to raise the child.

When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered the son of a nobleman to be flogged. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the child's broad nature. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:

- This is Kir! Only our family knows how to flog like that.

And Cyrus fell into his grandfather’s arms.

Having reached his age, Cyrus defeated the Lydian king Croesus and began to roast him at the stake. But during this procedure Croesus suddenly exclaimed:

- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!

This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.

“I have never heard such words from those who were roasting,” he admitted to his friends.

He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what this meant.

Then Croesus spoke. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to throw dust in the sage's eyes, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease him, asked Solon who he considered the happiest man in the world.

If Solon had been a gentleman, he would, of course, have said “you, your Majesty.” But the sage was a simple-minded man, one of the narrow-minded, and blurted out that “before death, no one can say to himself that he is happy.”

Since Croesus was a king precocious for his years, he immediately realized that after death people rarely talk in general, so even then there would be no need to boast about their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.

This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not finish cooking him.

After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight with the Ethiopians, entered the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, little by little he ate his entire army. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There at that time the opening of the new Apis was celebrated.

At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the king, emaciated on human flesh, rushed at him and pinned him with his own hands, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.

One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself False Smerdiz, immediately began to reign. The Persians rejoiced:

- Long live our king False Smerdiz! - they shouted.

At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.

Thus died this wisest of the eastern despots.

After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspes reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. After the battle, feasts were held, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.

Those warriors who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their own dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.

Having learned about the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.

With these simple gifts they thought to soften the heart of their formidable enemy.

But things took a completely different turn.

One of Darius' warriors, Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging around behind his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.

“This means that if you Persians do not fly like birds, chew like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will not return to your home forever.”

Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered the shafts to be turned.

Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for his equally wise rule, which he led with the same success as his military enterprises.

The ancient Persians were initially distinguished by their courage and simplicity of morals. They taught their sons three subjects:

1) ride a horse;

2) shoot with a bow and

3) tell the truth.

A young man who did not pass the exam in all three of these subjects was considered ignorant and was not accepted into the civil service.

But little by little the Persians began to indulge in a pampered lifestyle. They stopped riding horses, forgot how to shoot a bow, and, while spending their time idly, cut the truth. As a result, the huge Persian state began to quickly decline.

Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Having become depraved, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece occupies the southern part of the Balkan Peninsula.

Nature itself divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is located in the north;

2) western – in the west;

3) eastern - not in the east and, finally,

4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.

This original division of Greece has long attracted the attention of the entire cultural part of the world's population.

The so-called “Greeks” lived in Greece.

They spoke a dead language and indulged in the creation of myths about gods and heroes.

The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, who became famous for cleaning out the Augean stables and thus giving the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neat guy killed his wife and children.

The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who absent-mindedly killed his father and married his mother. This caused a pestilence to spread throughout the country and everything was revealed. Oedipus had to gouge out his eyes and go traveling with Antigone.

In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or “The Beautiful Helen,” was created in three acts with music by Offenbach.

It was like this: King Menelaus (comic bouffe) had a wife, nicknamed the Beautiful Helen for her beauty and because she wore a dress with a slit. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.

The war was terrible. Menelaus found himself completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.

Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful humanity; for example, the phrase of the priest Calchas: “Too many flowers” is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and indulged in betrayal of their husbands, who were killed immediately after the first handshakes.

The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return straight home, but made a short detour at ten years to give his wife Penelope time to prepare to meet him.

Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, while away the time with her suitors.

The suitors really wanted to marry her, but she decided that it was much more fun to have thirty suitors than one husband, and she cheated the unfortunate ones by delaying the wedding day. Penelope weaved during the day, and at night she flogged the woven fabric, and at the same time, her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.

The Iliad shows us the military side of Greek life. "Odyssey" paints pictures of everyday life and social mores.

Both of these poems are considered the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in ancient times that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of contemporary poets, whom their own parents are often not averse to abandoning!

Based on the Iliad and Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.

The population of Greece was divided into:

2) warriors and

Everyone performed their function.

The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories with a “mixed roar.”

The king, usually a poor man, derived his family from the gods (little consolation with an empty treasury) and supported his existence with more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also descended from the gods, but to a more distant extent, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.

In war, these noble men marched ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. They were covered with a helmet on top, a shell in the middle, and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble man rode into battle in a pair of chariots with a coachman - calmly and comfortably, as in a tram.

They all fought in all directions, each for himself, therefore, even the defeated could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.

In addition to the king, warriors and people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former warriors and former people.

The position of women among the Greeks was enviable in comparison with their position among the eastern peoples.

The Greek woman was responsible for all the care of the household, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, while eastern women were forced to spend time in idleness and harem pleasures among boring luxury.

The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and visited many families often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into sad bewilderment.

In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have survived to this day, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Really, gods,

It makes you happy

When our honor

Somersault, somersault

Will it fly?!

The Greeks had a very vague concept of the afterlife. The shadows of sinners were sent to the gloomy Tartarus (in Russian - to the tartars). The righteous enjoyed bliss in Elysium, but so meagerly that Achilles, knowledgeable in these matters, admitted frankly: “It is better to be a poor man’s day laborer on earth than to reign over all the shadows of the dead.” An argument that amazed the entire ancient world with its commercialism.

The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was located in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat on the so-called tripod (not to be confused with the statue of Memnon) and, falling into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.

The Greeks, spoiled by smooth speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to the incoherent words and reinterpret them in their own way.

The Greeks were tried at the Amphictyon Court.

The court met twice a year; the spring session was in Delphi, the autumn session in Thermopylae.

Each community sent two jurors to the trial. These jurors came up with a very clever oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to bend their souls and not to protect their relatives, they took the following oath: “I swear to never destroy the cities belonging to the Amphictyon alliance, and never to deprive it of flowing water, either in peace or in war time".

That's all!

But this shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek juror possessed. It would have been easy for even the weakest of them to destroy the city or stop the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.

The Greeks calculated their chronology according to the most important events of their social life, that is, according to the Olympic Games. These games consisted of ancient Greek youths competing in strength and dexterity. Everything was going like clockwork, but then Herodotus started reading aloud passages from his history during the competition. This act had the proper effect; the athletes relaxed, the public, who had hitherto rushed to the Olympics like mad, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised them. The games stopped on their own.

Laconia formed the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and received its name from the manner of the local inhabitants to express themselves laconically.

It was hot in Laconia in summer and cold in winter. This climate system, unusual for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.

The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.

In Sparta there was a ditch filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not fenced with walls and the courage of the citizens was supposed to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local city fathers less than the worst stockade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged it so that they always had two kings at a time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The legislator Lycurgus put an end to this bacchanalia.

Lycurgus was of royal family and took care of his nephew.

At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eye with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally ran out, Lycurgus was advised to go traveling. They thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow influence his justice.

But, as they say, together it’s sickening, but apart it’s boring. Before Lycurgus had time to freshen up in the company of the Egyptian priests, his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and established his laws in Sparta.

After this, fearing too ardent gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.

– Why provide to others what you can do yourself! - were his last words.

The Spartans, seeing that the bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.

The population of Sparta was divided into three classes: Spartiates, Perieci and Helots.

The Spartiates were local aristocrats, they did gymnastics, walked naked and generally set the tone.

Gymnastics was prohibited for Periecs. Instead they paid taxes.

The helots, or, as the local wits put it, the “underdogs,” had it the worst of all. They cultivated the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, came up with the so-called cryptia, that is, simply, at a certain hour they killed all the helots they encountered. This remedy quickly forced the helots to come to their senses and live in complete contentment.

The Spartan kings received much respect but little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.

Since two kings always reigned in Sparta and there was also a republic, all this together was called an aristocratic republic.

According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life according to their concepts. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they gathered in a cheerful group in so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of an aristocratic streak even in our time as a relic of hoary antiquity.

Their favorite food was black soup, prepared from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This stew, as a historical memory of the glorious past, is still prepared in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as “brandahlysta”.

The Spartans were also very modest and simple in their clothing. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex costume, consisting of a wreath on their heads and a flute in their right hand. In ordinary times, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

Raising children was very harsh. Most often they were killed outright. This made them courageous and resilient.

They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream during a spanking. At the age of twenty, the Spartan passed the matriculation exam in this subject. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was released from this duty.

Spartan girls practiced gymnastics and were so famous for their modesty and virtue that rich people everywhere vied to get a Spartan girl as a nurse for their children.

Modesty and respect for elders was the first duty of young people.

The most indecent among the Spartans young man his hands counted. If he was wearing a cloak, he hid his hands under the cloak. If he was naked, he put them anywhere: under a bench, under a bush, under his interlocutor, or, finally, sat on them himself (900 BC).

From childhood they learned to speak laconically, that is, short and strong. To the long, florid curse of the enemy, the Spartan answered only: “I hear from a fool.”

A woman in Sparta was respected, and she was also occasionally allowed to speak succinctly, which she took advantage of while raising children and ordering dinner from the Ilotka cook. So, one Spartan woman, giving her shield to her son, said laconically: “With it or on it.” And another, giving the cook a rooster to fry, said laconically: “If you overcook it, it will swell.”

The following story is given as a high example of the masculinity of a Spartan woman.

One day, a woman named Lena, who knew about an illegal conspiracy, so as not to accidentally reveal the name of the conspirators, bit off her tongue and, spitting it out, said laconically:

- Dear sirs and dear madams! I, the undersigned Spartan woman, have the honor to tell you that if you think that we Spartan women are capable of base acts such as:

a) denunciations,

b) gossip

c) extradition of his accomplices and

d) slander,

then you are very mistaken and will not expect anything like this from me. And let the wanderer tell Sparta that I spat out my tongue here, faithful to the laws of gymnastics of my fatherland.

The stunned enemies inserted another “e” into Lena, and she became Leena, which means “lioness.”

Decline of Sparta

Constant bathing and laconic conversation greatly weakened the mental abilities of the Spartans, and they were significantly behind in development from other Greeks, who nicknamed them “sportans” for their love of gymnastics and sports.

The Spartans fought with the Messenians and once became so afraid that they sent for help to the Athenians. They, instead of military weapons, sent them the poet Tyrtaeus, loaded with his own poems, to help them. Hearing his recitation, the enemies wavered and fled. The Spartans captured Messenia and established hegemony.

The second famous republic was Athens, which ended at Cape Sunium.

Rich deposits of marble, suitable for monuments, naturally gave birth to glorious men and heroes in Athens.

All the grief of Athens - the republic in highest degree aristocratic - was that. that its inhabitants were divided into phyla, dimims, phratries and were subdivided into paralii, pediak and diacarii. In addition, they were also divided into eupatrids, geomars, demiurges and various little things.

All this caused constant unrest and unrest among the people, which was used by the top of society, divided into archons, eponyms, basileus, polemarchs and thesmothetes, and oppressed the people.

One wealthy eupatrid, Pilon, tried to settle the matter. But the Athenian people were so distrustful of his undertakings that Pilon, following the example of other Greek legislators, hastened to travel.

Solon, a poor man who was engaged in trade, gained experience in traveling and therefore, without fear of bad consequences for himself, decided to benefit the country by writing strong laws for it.

In order to earn the trust of citizens, he pretended to be crazy and began to write poems about the island of Salamis, which was not accepted in decent Greek society, since this island was conquered by Megara with great embarrassment for the Athenians.

Solon's reception was a success, and he was entrusted with drawing up laws, which he took advantage of very widely, dividing the inhabitants, among other things, into pentacosiomedimni, zeogites and thetes (famous for the fact that “luxurious diamonds costing four rubles are sold for one ruble only one more week").

Solon also paid serious attention to family life. He forbade the bride to bring more than three dresses to her husband as a dowry, but demanded an unlimited amount of modesty from the woman.

Athenian youths were raised at home until the age of sixteen, and when they reached adulthood, they engaged in gymnastics and mental education, which was so easy and pleasant that it was even called music.

In addition to the above, Athenian citizens had a strict duty to honor their parents; When electing a citizen to any high public position, the law required that a preliminary inquiry be made to determine whether he respected his parents and whether he did not scold them, and if he scolded them, then in what words.

A person who applied for the rank of ancient Greek state councilor had to provide a certificate of respect for his aunts and sisters-in-law. This gave rise to a lot of inconvenience and difficulty for the plans of an ambitious person. Quite often a person was forced to give up a ministerial portfolio thanks to the whim of some old guy selling rotten Turkish delight at the market. He will show that he was not respected enough, and his entire career will be ruined.

In addition, the highest authorities had to constantly check what citizens were doing and punish idle people. It often happened that half the city sat without a sweet dish. The screams of the unfortunate were beyond description.

Pisistratus and Cleisthenes

Having approved his laws, Solon did not hesitate to set off to travel.

His absence was taken advantage of by his own relative, the local aristocrat Pisistratus, who began to tyrannize Athens with the help of his eloquence.

Returning Solon tried in vain to persuade him to come to his senses. The rubbed Pisistratus did not listen to any arguments and did his job.

First of all, he founded the temple of Zeus in Lombardy and died without paying interest.

After him, his sons Hippias and Hipparchus, named after familiar horses, inherited power (526 BC). But they were soon killed, partly, and expelled from their fatherland.

Here Cleisthenes, the head of the people's party, came forward and earned the trust of the citizens, dividing them into ten phyla (instead of the previous four!) and each phylum into dimas. Peace and tranquility were not slow to reign in the country tormented by unrest.

In addition, Cleisthenes came up with a way to get rid of unpleasant citizens through secret voting, or ostracism. So that the grateful people would not have time to try this nice innovation on their own backs, the wise legislator went traveling.

Constantly dividing into phyles, dimes and phratia, Athens quickly weakened, just as Sparta weakened, without dividing at all.

“Wherever you throw it, it’s all wedge!” – historians sighed.

Rest of Greece

The minor Greek states followed the same path.

Monarchies were little by little replaced by more or less aristocratic republics. But the tyrants also did not yawn and from time to time seized supreme power into their hands and, diverting the attention of the people from themselves with the construction of public buildings, strengthened their position, and then, having lost the latter, set off to travel.

Sparta soon realized its inconvenience of having two kings at the same time. During the war, the kings, wanting to curry favor, both went to the battlefield. and if at the same time they were both killed, then the people had to take up the troubles and civil strife again, choosing a new couple.

If only one king went to war, then the second took the opportunity to completely smoke out his brother and take complete possession of Sparta.

There was something to lose your head over.

The need for legislators to travel after each new law is approved has greatly animated Greece.

Whole crowds of legislators visited one or another neighboring country, organizing something like modern excursions of rural teachers.

Neighboring countries met the legislative needs halfway. They gave out cheaper round tickets (Rundreise) and made discounts in hotels. The United Boat Company Limited Liability "Memphis and Mercury" carried excursionists for nothing and only asked them not to make trouble and not to create new laws along the way.

In this way, the Greeks got acquainted with neighboring areas and established colonies for themselves.

Polycrates and fish things

On the island of Samos, the tyrant Polycrates became famous, who was harassed by sea fish. Whatever rubbish Polycrates threw into the sea, the fish immediately pulled it out in their own bellies.

Once he threw a large gold coin into the water. The next morning he was served fried salmon for breakfast. The tyrant greedily cut it. Oh God! In the fish lay his gold with interest for one day out of twelve per annum.

All this ended in great misfortune. According to historians, “shortly before his death, the tyrant was killed by a Persian satrap.

Madman Herostratus

The city of Ephesus was famous for its temple of the goddess Artemis. Herostratus burned this temple to glorify his name. But the Greeks, having learned for what purpose the terrible crime was committed, decided to consign the name of the criminal to oblivion as punishment.

For this purpose, special heralds were hired, who for many decades traveled throughout Greece and announced the following order: “Do not dare to remember the name of the mad Herostratus, who burned the temple of the goddess Artemis out of ambition.”

The Greeks knew this order so well that you could wake up anyone at night and ask: “Who should you forget?” And he, without hesitation, would answer: “The Mad Herostratus.”

Thus the criminally ambitious man was justly punished.

Of the Greek colonies, Syracuse should also be noted, whose inhabitants were famous for their weakness of spirit and body.

Fight against the Persians. Miltiades at Marathon

Persian king Darius loved to fight. He especially wanted to defeat the Athenians. In order not to somehow forget about these enemies of his in his household chores, he teased himself. Every day at dinner the servants forgot to put something on the table: bread, salt, or a napkin. If Darius made a remark to the careless servants, they answered him in chorus according to his own teaching: “And you, Daryushka, do you remember about the Athenians?..”

Having provoked himself into frenzy, Darius sent his son-in-law Mardonius with troops to conquer Greece. Mardonius was defeated and went traveling, and Darius recruited a new army and sent it to Marathon, not realizing that Miltiades was found on Marathon. We will not dwell on the consequences of this action.

All Greeks glorified the name Miltiades. Nevertheless, Miltiades had to end his life with death. During the siege of Paros, he was wounded, and for this his fellow citizens sentenced him to a fine under the pretext that he had carelessly handled his skin, which belonged to the fatherland.

Before Miltiades had time to close his eyes, two men had already risen to prominence in Athens - Themistocles and Aristides.

Themistocles became famous for the fact that the laurels of Miltiades did not allow him to sleep (483 BC). The evil tongues of Athens insisted that he simply stayed away all night long and blamed everything on his laurels. Well, God be with him. In addition, Themistocles knew all the eminent citizens by name and patronymic, which greatly flattered the latter. Themistocles’ letters were set as a model for the Athenian youth: “...And I also bow to my father Oligarch Kimonovich, and aunt Matrona Anempodistovna, and our nephew Callimachus Mardarionovich, etc., etc.”

Aristide, on the other hand, devoted himself exclusively to justice, but so zealously that he aroused legitimate indignation among his fellow citizens and, with the help of ostracism, set off to travel.

Leonidas at Thermopylae

King Xerxes, the successor of Darius Hystaspes, went against the Greeks with a countless (at that time they did not yet know how to make preliminary estimates) army. He built bridges across the Hellespont, but a storm destroyed them. Then Xerxes carved out the Hellespont, and calm immediately reigned in the sea. After this, cutting was introduced in all educational institutions.

Xerxes approached Thermopylae. The Greeks just had a holiday at that time, so there was no time to deal with trifles. They sent only the Spartan king Leonidas with a dozen young men to protect the passage.

Xerxes sent to Leonidas demanding the handing over of weapons. Leonid answered laconically: “Come and take it.”

The Persians came and took it.

Soon the battle of Salamis took place. Xerxes watched the battle from a high throne.

Seeing how the Persians were beating him, the eastern despot fell head over heels from his throne and, having lost courage (480 BC), returned to Asia.

Then the battle took place near the city of Plataea. The oracles predicted defeat for the first army to enter the battle. The troops began to wait. But ten days later a characteristic crash was heard. This broke the patience of Mardonius (479 BC), and he began the battle and was completely defeated and in other parts of the body.

Times of hegemony

Thanks to the machinations of Themistocles, hegemony passed to the Athenians. The Athenians, through ostracism, sent this lover of hegemony to travel. Themistocles went to the Persian king Artaxerxes. He gave him large gifts in the hope of using his services. But Themistocles basely betrayed the trust of the despot. He accepted the gifts, but instead of serving, he calmly poisoned himself.

Aristide also died soon after. The Republic buried him according to the first category and gave his daughters a Solon dowry: three dresses and modesty.

After Themistocles and Aristides, Pericles, who knew how to wear his cloak picturesquely, came to the fore in the Athenian Republic.

This greatly raised the aesthetic aspirations of the Athenians. Under the influence of Pericles, the city was decorated with statues and splendor penetrated into the home life of the Greeks. They ate without knives and forks, and women were not present, since this spectacle was considered immodest.

Almost every person had some kind of philosopher sitting at their dinner table. Listening to philosophical discussions over a roast was considered equally necessary for ancient Greek, as for our contemporaries the Romanian orchestra.

Pericles patronized the sciences and went to the hetaera Aspasia to study philosophy.

In general, philosophers, even if they were not hetaeras, were held in high esteem. Their sayings were written on the columns of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.

The best of these sayings is from the philosopher Bias: “Don’t do many things,” which supported many lazy people on their natural path, and the philosopher Thales of Miletus: “A surety will bring you care,” which many remember, with a trembling hand, placing their form on a friendly bill.

Pericles died of a pestilence. The friends who gathered around his deathbed loudly enumerated his accomplishments. Pericles said to them:

“You forgot the best thing: “In my life I have never forced anyone to wear a mourning dress.”

With these words, the brilliant eloquent wanted to say that he had never died in his life.

Alcibiades

Alcibiades was known for his wild lifestyle and, in order to earn the trust of citizens, he cut off the tail of his dog.

Then the Athenians, as one man, entrusted Alcibiades with command of the fleet. Alcibiades had already gone to war when he was returned, forcing him to first serve time for a street scandal he had caused before leaving. He fled to Sparta, then repented and fled again to Athens, then repented in rash repentance and fled again to Sparta, then again to Athens, then to the Persians, then to Athens, then again to Sparta, from Sparta to Athens.

He ran like crazy, developing incredible speed and crushing everything in his path. The tailless dog could barely keep up with him and died on the fifteenth stage (412 BC). Above it stands a monument on which the Spartans inscribed laconically: “Wanderer, I am dead.”

For a long time Alcibiades rushed like mad from Sparta to Athens, from Athens to the Persians. The unfortunate man had to be shot out of pity.

One day, an Athenian sculptor unexpectedly had a son, nicknamed Socrates for his wisdom and love of philosophy. This Socrates did not pay attention to the cold and heat. But his wife Xanthippe was not like that. The rude and uneducated woman froze during the cold and steamed from the heat. The philosopher treated his wife’s shortcomings with imperturbable composure. Once, angry with her husband, Xanthippe poured a bucket of slop on his head (397 BC).

Fellow citizens sentenced Socrates to death. The disciples advised the venerable philosopher to better travel. But he refused due to his old age and began to drink hemlock until he died.

Many people claim that Socrates cannot be blamed for anything, because he was entirely invented by his student Plato. Others also involve his wife Xanthippe (398 BC) in this story.

Macedonia

Macedonians lived in Macedonia. Their king Philip of Macedon was a smart and dexterous ruler. In the continuous military enterprises he lost his eyes, chest, side, arms, legs and throat. Often difficult situations forced him to lose his head, so the brave warrior remained completely light and controlled the people with the help of one abdominal barrier, which, however, could not stop his energy.

Philip of Macedon planned to conquer Greece and began his machinations. The orator Demosthenes spoke out against him, who, having filled his mouth with small pebbles, convinced the Greeks to resist Philip, after which he filled his mouth with water. This way of explaining is called Philippics (346 BC).

Philip's son was Alexander the Great. The cunning Alexander was born on purpose on the very night when the mad Greek Herostratus burned the temple; He did this in order to join Herostratus’s glory, which he completely succeeded in doing.

Since childhood, Alexander loved luxury and excess and got himself Bucephalus.

Having won many victories, Alexander fell into strong autocracy. One day his friend Cleitus, who once saved his life, reproached him for ingratitude. To prove the opposite, Alexander immediately killed the unjust man with his own hands.

Soon after this, he killed some more of his friends, fearing reproaches of ingratitude. The same fate befell the commander Parmenion, his son Philo, the philosopher Callisthenes and many others. This intemperance in killing friends undermined the health of the great conqueror. He fell into immoderation and died much before his death.

Geographical image of Italy

Italy looks like a shoe with a very warm climate.

Beginning of Rome

The good-natured Numitor reigned in Alabalonga, whom the evil Amulius overthrew from the throne. Numitor's daughter, Rhea Silvia, was given to the Vestals. Nevertheless, Rhea gave birth to two twins, whom she registered in the name of Mars, the god of war, fortunately the bribes were smooth. For this, Rhea was buried in the ground, and the children were raised by either a shepherd or a she-wolf. This is where historians differ. Some say that they were fed by a shepherd with the milk of a she-wolf, others say that the she-wolf was fed on shepherd's milk. The boys grew up and, instigated by the she-wolf, founded the city of Rome.

At first Rome was very small - an arshin and a half, but then it quickly grew and acquired senators.

Romulus killed Remus. The senators took Romulus alive into heaven and asserted their power.

Public institutions

The Roman people were divided into patricians, who had the right to use public fields, and plebeians, who received the right to pay taxes.

In addition, there were also proletarians about whom it would be inappropriate to dwell.

Brothers Tarquiniev and Co.

Rome had successive successive kings. One of them, Servius Tullius, was killed by his son-in-law Tarquinius, who became famous for his sons. The sons under the firm “Tarquinev Brothers and Co.” were distinguished by their violent character and insulted the honor of the local Lucretius. The narrow-minded father was proud of his sons, for which he was nicknamed Tarquinius the Proud.

In the end, the people became indignant, changed the royal power and expelled Tarquin. He and the whole company went on a trip. Rome became an aristocratic republic.

But Tarquin for a long time did not want to come to terms with his lot and went to war against Rome. He managed, by the way, to arm the Etruscan king Porsena against the Romans, but the whole matter was ruined for him by a certain Mucius Scaevola.

Mucius decided to kill Porsena and made his way into his camp, but out of absent-mindedness he killed someone else. Having become hungry during this event, Mucius began to prepare dinner for himself, but instead of a piece of beef, he absent-mindedly put his own hand into the fire.

King Porsena sniffed (502 BC): “It smells fried!” He followed the smell and opened Mucius.

- What are you doing, unfortunate thing?! – exclaimed the shocked king.

“I’m preparing dinner for myself,” answered the absent-minded young man laconically.

-Are you really going to eat this meat? - Porsena continued to be horrified.

“Of course,” Mucius answered with dignity, still not noticing his mistake. – This is the favorite breakfast of Roman tourists.

Porsena was confused and retreated with heavy losses.

But Tarquin did not soon calm down. He continued his raids. The Romans were eventually forced to tear Cincinnatus away from the plow. This painful operation yielded good results. The enemy was pacified.

Nevertheless, the wars with Tarquin's sons undermined the country's well-being. The plebeians became poor, went to the Sacred Mountain and threatened to build their own city, where everyone would be their own patrician. They were hardly reassured by the fable about the stomach.

Meanwhile, the decemvirs wrote laws on copper tablets. At first it was ten, then two more were added for strength.

Then they began to try the strength of these laws, and one of the legislators insulted Virginia. Virginia's father tried to improve matters by stabbing his daughter in the heart, but this did not bring any benefit to the unfortunate woman. The confused plebeians again went to the Sacred Mountain. The Decemvirs set off to travel.

Roman geese and fugitives

Countless hordes of Gauls moved towards Rome. The Roman legions were confused and, taking flight, hid in the city of Vei, the rest of the Romans went to bed. The Gauls took advantage of this and climbed onto the Capitol. And here they became victims of their lack of education. There were geese living on the Capitol, which, hearing the noise, began to cackle.

- Woe to us! - said the leader of the barbarians, hearing this cackling. “The Romans are already laughing at our defeat.”

And he immediately retreated with heavy losses, taking away the dead and wounded.

Seeing that the danger had passed, the Roman fugitives crawled out of their Weis and, trying not to look at the geese (they were ashamed), said several immortal phrases about the honor of Roman weapons.

After the Gallic invasion, Rome was severely devastated. The plebeians again went to the Sacred Mountain and again threatened to build their city. The matter was settled by Manlius Capitolinus, but did not have time to travel in time and was thrown off the Tarpeian rock.

Then the Licinian laws were issued. The patricians did not pass new laws for a long time, and the plebeians went to the Sacred Mountain many times to listen to the fable of the stomach.

King Pyrrhus

Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, landed in Italy with a countless army led by twenty war elephants. The Romans were defeated in the first battle. But King Pyrrhus was dissatisfied with this.

- What an honor when there is nothing to eat! - he exclaimed. – One more such victory, and I will be left without an army. Isn't it better to be defeated, but have a fully assembled army?

The elephants approved of Pyrrhus's decision, and the entire company was expelled from Italy without much difficulty.

Punic Wars

Wanting to take control of Sicily, the Romans entered into a fight with Carthage. Thus began the first war between the Romans and Carthaginians, nicknamed the Punic for variety.

The first victory belonged to the Roman consul Dunlius. The Romans thanked him in their own way: they decreed that he should be accompanied everywhere by a man with a lit torch and a musician playing the flute. This honor greatly constrained Dunlius in his home life and love affairs. The unfortunate man quickly fell into insignificance.

This example had a detrimental effect on other commanders, so that during the Second Punic War, the consuls, out of fear of earning a flute with a torch, bravely retreated before the enemy.

The Carthaginians, led by Hannibal, marched on Rome. Scipio, the son of Publius (who does not know Publius?), repelled the Punic attack with such ardor that he received the title of Africanus.

In 146, Carthage was destroyed and burned. Scipio, a relative of Africanus, looked at the burning Carthage, thought about Rome and declaimed about Troy; since it was very difficult and difficult, he even cried.

Change of Manners and Cato

The strength of the Roman state was greatly facilitated by moderation in lifestyle and the strength of character of its citizens. They were not ashamed of work, and their food consisted of meat, fish, vegetables, fruits, poultry, spices, bread and wine.

But over time, all this changed, and the Romans fell into effeminacy of morals. They adopted many things that were harmful to themselves from the Greeks. They began to study Greek philosophy and go to the bathhouse (135 BC).

The stern Cato rebelled against all this, but was caught by his fellow citizens who caught him performing a Greek extemporale.

Marius and Sulla

Countless hordes of Cimbri appeared on the northern borders of Italy. It was the turn of Maria and Sulla to save the fatherland.

Marius was very fierce, loved simplicity of life, did not recognize any furniture and always sat right on the ruins of Carthage. He died at a ripe old age from excessive drinking.

This was not the fate of Sulla. The brave commander died on his estate from intemperate living.

Lucullus and Cicero

Meanwhile, in Rome, the proconsul Lucullus advanced with his feasts. He treated his friends to ant tongues, mosquito noses, elephant nails and other small and indigestible food and quickly fell into insignificance.

Rome almost became the victim of a large conspiracy, headed by the debt-ridden aristocrat Catiline, who planned to seize the state into his own hands.

The local Cicero opposed him and destroyed the enemy with the help of his eloquence.

The people were unpretentious then, and even such hackneyed phrases as ... “O tempora, o mores” had an effect on the hearts of listeners. Cicero was given the title of “father of the fatherland” and a man with a flute was assigned to him.

Julius Caesar and the first triumvirate

Julius Caesar was an educated man by birth and attracted the hearts of people.

But beneath his exterior lay burning ambition. Most of all he wanted to be the first in some village. But it was very difficult to achieve this, and he launched various intrigues in order to be the first even in Rome. To do this, he entered into a triumvirate with Pompey and Crassus and, retiring to Gaul, began to win the favor of his soldiers.

Crassus soon died, and Pompey, tormented by envy, demanded Caesar's return to Rome. Caesar, not wanting to part with the won favor of the soldiers, took the latter with him. Having reached the Rubicon River, Julius fiddled for a long time (51 - 50 BC) in front of it, finally said: “The die is cast” - and climbed into the water.

Pompey did not expect this and quickly fell into insignificance.

Then Cato, a descendant of the same Cato who was caught using Greek grammar, spoke out against Caesar. He, like his ancestor, was very unlucky. It was a family thing for them. He retired to Utica, where he bled to death.

In order to somehow distinguish him from his ancestor, and at the same time to honor his memory, he was given the nickname Utichesky. Little consolation for the family!

Dictatorship and death of Caesar

Caesar celebrated his victories and became dictator of Rome. He did a lot of useful things for the country. First of all, he transformed the Roman calendar, which had fallen into great disorder due to inaccurate time, so that in some weeks there were four Mondays in a row, and all the Roman shoemakers drank themselves to death; and then suddenly the month would disappear on the twentieth, and the officials, sitting without salaries, fell into insignificance. New calendar was named Julian and had 365 successively alternating days.

The people were happy. But a certain Junius Brutus, Caesar’s hanger-on, who dreamed of having seven Fridays a week, plotted against Caesar.

Caesar's wife, who had an ominous dream, asked her husband not to go to the Senate, but his friends said that it was indecent to skip responsibilities because of a woman's dreams. Caesar went. In the Senate, Cassius, Brutus and a senator simply named Casca attacked him. Caesar wrapped himself in his cloak, but, alas, this precaution did not help.

Then he exclaimed: “And you, Brutus!” According to the historian Plutarch, at the same time he thought: “I haven’t done enough good for you, you pig, that you are now coming at me with a knife!”

He then fell at the feet of Pompey's statue and died in 44 BC.

Octavius and the second triumvirate

At this time, Caesar's nephew and heir Octavius returned to Rome. The inheritance, however, was seized by Caesar's ardent friend Antony, leaving only an old vest to the legal heir. Octavius was, according to historians, a small man, but nevertheless very cunning. He immediately used the vest he received from the ardent Anthony to give gifts to Caesar’s veterans, which attracted them to his side. A small share also fell to the elderly Cicero, who began to attack Anthony with the same speeches with which he had once attacked Catiline. “O tempora, o mores” appeared on stage again. The cunning Octavius flattered the old man and said that he considered him to be his father.

Having used the old man, Octavius threw off his mask and entered into an alliance with Antony. A certain Lepidus also joined them, and a new triumvirate was formed.

The ardent Anthony soon fell into the snare of the Egyptian queen Cleopatra and fell into a pampered lifestyle.

The cunning Octavius took advantage of this and went to Egypt with countless hordes.

Cleopatra sailed out on her ships and took part in the battle, looking at Anthony with green, violet, purple, and yellow eyes. But during the battle, the queen remembered that she had forgotten the keys to the storeroom, and ordered the ships to turn their noses home.

Octavius was triumphant and appointed himself a man with a flute.

Cleopatra began to lay out her nets for him. She sent a maid to the ardent Anthony with the following words: “The lady ordered you to tell them that they have died.” Anthony fell on his sword in horror.

Cleopatra continued to lay out her nets, but Octavius, despite his small stature, steadfastly rejected her tricks.

Octavius, who received the name Augustus for all of the above, began to rule the state without limit. But he did not accept the royal title.

- For what? - he said. “Call me Emperor for short.”

Augustus decorated the city with baths and sent the commander Varus with three legions to the Teutoburg Forest, where he was defeated.

Augustus, in despair, began to bang his head against the wall, chanting: “Var, Var, give me my legions.”

The so-called “Barbarian Gap” (9 BC) quickly formed in the wall, and Augustus said:

“One more defeat like this and I’ll be left without a head.”

The Augustan dynasty indulged in pomp and quickly fell into insignificance.

Caligula, son of Germanicus, surpassed his predecessors in idleness. He was too lazy to even chop off the heads of his subjects, and he dreamed that all humanity would have one head, which he could quickly chop off.

This sloth, however, found time to torment animals. Thus, he forced his best horse, on which he himself rode and carried water, to sit in the Senate in the evenings.

After his death (through the bodyguard), both people and horses breathed more freely.

Caligula's uncle Claudius, who inherited the throne, was distinguished by weakness of character. Taking advantage of this, those close to him extracted from Claudius a death sentence for his wife, the depraved Messalina, and married him to the deeply corrupted Agrippina. From these wives Claudius had a son, Britannicus, but Nero, the son of the deeply corrupted Agrippina from his first marriage, inherited the throne.

Nero devoted his youth to the extermination of his relatives. Then he devoted himself to art and a shameful lifestyle.

During the fire of Rome, like any true ancient Roman (Greek too), he could not resist reciting the fire of Troy. For which he was suspected of arson.

In addition, he sang so out of tune that the most false souls among the courtiers sometimes could not bear this insult to the eardrum. At the end of his life, the shameless goat decided to go on tour to Greece, but then even the legions who were accustomed to everything became indignant, and Nero, with great displeasure, pierced himself with a sword. Perishing from lack of self-criticism, the tyrant exclaimed: “What a great artist is dying.”

After the death of Nero, troubles set in, and within two years there were three emperors in Rome: Galba, who was killed by a soldier for stinginess, Otto, who died from a depraved life, and Vitellius, who distinguished himself during his short but glorious reign by excessive gluttony.

This diversity in the monarchy greatly occupied the Roman soldiers. It was fun for them to get up in the morning and ask the platoon commander: “And who, uncle, is reigning over us today?”

Subsequently, a lot of confusion arose, since the kings changed too often, and it happened that the new king ascended the throne when his predecessor had not yet had time to die properly.

The kings were chosen as soldiers according to their own taste and fear. They were taken for their great height, physical strength, and ability to express themselves strongly. Then they began to directly trade in thrones and sold it to the one who would give the most. In the “Roman Gazette” (“Nuntius Romanus”) advertisements were published all over the place:

“A good throne, poorly maintained, is given away cheaply for a reasonable price.”

Or: “I’m looking for a throne here or in the province. I have a deposit. I agree to leave."

Tickets were printed on the gates of Roman houses:

“The throne is for rent for Odinkov. Ask non-commissioned officer Mardarian."

Rome had some rest during the reign of the meek and timid emperor, nicknamed Nerva, and again fell into despair when Chest of Drawers climbed onto the throne.

Komod had great physical strength and decided to fight in the local Fars.

The Bursiania Romana published government-inspired articles about the exploits of Commodus.

“...And so the massive furniture rolls around in a ball, intertwining with the Illyrian lizard and rewarding the latter with sparkling pasta and double Nelsons.”

Close people hastened to get rid of the uncomfortable Dresser. He was strangled.

Finally, Emperor Diocletian reigned, meekly burning Christians for twenty years in a row. This was his only flaw.

Diocletian was from Dalmatia and the son of a freedman. One sorceress predicted to him that he would ascend the throne when he killed a boar.

These words sank into the soul of the future emperor, and for many years he did nothing but chase pigs. One day, having heard from someone that Prefect Apr was a real pig, he immediately slaughtered the prefect and immediately sat on the throne.

Thus, only pigs remembered the meek emperor. But these troubles tired the elderly monarch so much that he reigned for only twenty years, then abandoned the throne and went to his homeland in Dalmatia to plant radishes, luring his co-ruler Maximian to this useful occupation. But he soon asked to take the throne again. Diocletian remained firm.

“Friend,” he said. - If you could only see how ugly turnips are today! What a turnip! One word - turnip! Do I care about the kingdom now? A person can’t keep up with managing his garden, and you bother with trifles.

And indeed, he grew an outstanding turnip (305 AD).

Roman life and culture

Population classes

The population of the Roman state mainly consisted of three classes:

1) noble citizens (nobelas);

2) ordinary citizens (suspicious person) and

Noble citizens had a lot of major advantages over other citizens. First, they had the right to pay taxes. The main advantage was the right to display wax images of ancestors at home. In addition, they had the right to organize public celebrations and celebrations at their own expense.

Life was bad for the common citizens. They had no right to pay any taxes, were not allowed to serve as soldiers, and grew sadly rich by engaging in trade and industry.

Slaves peacefully worked the fields and staged revolts.

In addition, there were also senators and equestrians in Rome. They differed from each other in that the senators sat in the Senate, and the horsemen rode horses.

The Senate was the name given to the place where the senators and the royal horses met.

Consuls had to be over forty years of age. This was their main quality. The consuls were accompanied everywhere by a retinue of twelve people with rods in their hands for emergency, if the consul wants to flog someone away from a wooded area.

The praetors disposed of the rod allowance for only six persons.

Military art

The excellent organization of the Roman army contributed greatly to military victories.

The main part of the legions were the so-called principles - experienced veterans. Therefore, Roman soldiers were convinced from the first steps how harmful it was to compromise their principles.

Legions generally consisted of brave warriors who became confused only at the sight of the enemy.

Religious institutions

Among Roman institutions, religious institutions occupied first place.

The chief priest was called pontifex maximus, which did not prevent him from sometimes deceiving his flock with various tricks based on dexterity and dexterity of hands.

Then came the priests of the augurs, who were distinguished by the fact that, when meeting, they could not look at each other without smiling. Seeing their cheerful faces, the rest of the priests snorted into their sleeves. The parishioners, who knew a thing or two about Greek things, were dying of laughter looking at this whole company.

The pontifex maximus himself, looking at one of his subordinates, only waved his hand powerlessly and shook with flabby senile laughter.

The Vestals also giggled.

It goes without saying that from this eternal cackling the Roman religion quickly weakened and fell into decay. No nerves could withstand such tickling.

The Vestals were priestesses of the goddess Vesta. They were chosen from girls of good family and served at the temple, observing chastity until the age of seventy-five. After this period they were allowed to get married.

But the Roman youths so respected such proven chastity that rarely did any of them dare to encroach on it, even flavored with Solon’s double dowry (six dresses and two modesties).

If the Vestal Virgin broke her vow ahead of schedule, then she was buried alive, and her children, registered on different Mars, were raised by she-wolves. Knowing the brilliant past of Romulus and Remus, the Roman Vestals greatly appreciated pedagogical abilities she-wolves and considered them something like our learned little wolves.

But the hopes of the Vestals were in vain. Their children never founded Rome again. As a reward for their chastity, the Vestals received honor and countermarks in the theaters.

Gladiatorial battles were originally considered a religious rite and were held during burials “to reconcile the body of the deceased.” That’s why our wrestlers always have such funeral faces when they perform in the parade: atavism is clearly evident here.

While worshiping their gods, the Romans did not forget foreign gods. Out of habit of grabbing things that were bad, the Romans often grabbed other gods for themselves.

The Roman emperors, taking advantage of this love of God of their people and deciding that porridge cannot be spoiled with butter, introduced adoration of their own person. After the death of each emperor, the Senate ranked him among the gods. Then they decided that it was much more convenient to do this during the life of the emperor: the latter could thus build a temple for himself to his liking, while the ancient gods had to be content with whatever was at hand.

In addition, no one could so zealously monitor the festivals and religious ceremonies established in his name as God himself, who was personally present. This greatly attracted the flock.

Philosophical schools

Not only philosophers were engaged in philosophy in Rome: every father of a family had the right to philosophize at home.

In addition, everyone could attribute themselves to some kind of philosophical school. One considered himself a Pythagorean because he ate beans, the other considered himself an Epicurean because he drank, ate and had fun. Each shameless person insisted that he did nasty things only because he belonged to the cynical school. Among the important Romans there were many Stoics who had the disgusting habit of inviting guests and immediately cutting open their veins during the cake. This unscrupulous reception was considered the height of hospitality.

Home life and the status of women

The Romans' homes were very modest: a one-story house with holes instead of windows - simple and cute. The streets were very narrow, so the chariots could only go in one direction, so as not to meet each other.

The food of the Romans was simple. They ate twice a day: at noon a snack (prandium), and at four o'clock lunch (coena). In addition, in the morning they had breakfast (frishtik), in the evening they had dinner and between meals they starved a worm. This harsh lifestyle made the Romans healthy and long-lasting people.

Expensive and delicious dishes were delivered from the provinces to Rome: peacocks, pheasants, nightingales, fish, ants and the so-called “Trojan pigs” - porcns trojanus - in memory of the very pig that Paris planted with the Trojan king Menelaus. Not a single Roman sat down at the table without this pig.

At first, Roman women were completely subservient to their husbands, then they began to please not so much their husband as his friends, and often even his enemies.

Having left slaves, slaves, and she-wolves to raise children, Roman matrons made acquaintances with Greek and Roman literature and became sophisticated in playing the zither.

Divorces occurred so often that sometimes a matron’s marriage to one man did not have time to end before she was already married to another.

Contrary to all logic, this polygamy increased, according to historians, “the number of single men and decreased childbearing,” as if only married men had children, and not married women!

The people were dying out. Careless matrons frolicked, not caring much about childbirth.

It ended badly. For several years in a row, only the Vestals gave birth. The government was alarmed.

Emperor Augustus reduced the rights of single men, and married men, on the contrary, allowed themselves to do a lot of unnecessary things. But all these laws have led to absolutely nothing. Rome died.

Upbringing

The education of the Romans in the flourishing era of the state was very strict. Young people were required to be modest and obedient to their elders.

In addition, if they did not understand something, they could ask someone for an explanation during a walk and respectfully listen to it.

When Rome declined, so did the education of its youth. It began to learn grammar and eloquence, and this greatly spoiled its character.

Literature

Literature flourished in Rome and developed under the influence of the Greeks.

The Romans loved to write, and since slaves wrote for them, almost every Roman who had a literate slave was considered a writer.

In Rome, the newspaper “Nuncius Romanus” - “Roman Herald” was published, in which Horace himself wrote feuilletons on the topic of the day.

The emperors also did not disdain literature and occasionally published in the newspaper some kind of prank from the powerful pen.

One can imagine the thrill of the editors when the emperor, at the head of his legions, appeared on the appointed day to collect his fee.

Writers in those days, despite the absence of censorship, had a very difficult time. If an esthete sat on the throne, he would order the unfortunate poet to hang himself for the slightest error in style or literary form. There was no question of any imprisonment or substitution with a fine.

Emperors usually demanded that everything literary work interpreted the merits of his person in a brilliant and convincing form.

This made literature very monotonous, and books sold poorly.

Therefore, writers loved to lock themselves somewhere in silence and solitude and from there give free rein to their pen. Having given free rein, they immediately embarked on a journey.

One noble nobleman named Petronius made a ridiculous attempt to publish in Rome (hard to even believe!) Satyricon! The madman imagined that this magazine could have the same success in the 1st century A.D. as in the 20th century A.D.

Petronius had sufficient means (every day he ate mosquito eyebrows in sour cream, accompanying himself on the zither), he had both education and self-control, but despite all this, he could not wait twenty centuries. He went bankrupt with his ill-timed idea and, having satisfied his subscribers, died, and released blood from his veins on his friends.

“The Satyricon will wait for the most worthy” - were the last words of the great seer.

Science of Law

When more or less all the poets and writers hanged themselves, one branch of Roman science and literature reached the highest degree of its development, namely the science of law.

No country had such a mass of lawyers as in Rome, and the need for them was very great.

Every time a new emperor, who had killed his predecessor, ascended the throne, which sometimes happened several times a year, the best lawyers had to write a legal justification for this crime for public promulgation.

For the most part, it was very difficult to compose such a justification: it required special Roman legal knowledge, and many lawyers laid down their violent heads on this matter.

This is how the peoples of antiquity lived, moving from cheap simplicity to expensive pomp and, developing, fell into insignificance.

Images of oral questions and written problems for reviewing Ancient History

1. Indicate the difference between the statue of Memnon and the Pythia.

2. Trace the influence of agriculture on Persian women.

3. Indicate the difference between False Smerdiz and simple Smerdiz.

4. Draw a parallel between Penelope’s suitors and the first Punic War.

5. Indicate the difference between the depraved Messalina and the deeply corrupt Agrippina.

6. List how many times the Roman legions faltered and how many times they were confused.

7. Express yourself succinctly several times without compromising your personality (exercise).

There is no need to explain what history as such is, since everyone should know this with their mother’s milk. But what is ancient history? A few words need to be said about this.

Let's say in short:

a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is the history that happened with the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Although scientists know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, they would have to call it historical), nevertheless they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people used bronze to make stone tools for themselves;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made using stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made using bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were rare then and people were slow to come up with inventions; therefore, as soon as they invent something, they now call their century by the name of the invention.

Ancient peoples were divided by skin color into black, white and yellow.

Whites, in turn, are divided into:

1) Aryans, descended from Noah’s son Japheth and named so that it was not immediately possible to guess from whom they descended;

2) Semites - or those without the right of residence - and

3) rude people, people not accepted in a decent society.

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for its pyramids, sphinxes, the flooding of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

Egyptian monuments are often covered in writing that is extremely difficult to decipher. Scientists therefore called them hieroglyphs.

Among the pharaohs there were many remarkable ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, without expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon, known for its pandemonium, was nearby.

The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They amazed their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur-Tiglaf-Abu-Kherib-Nazir-Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but a shortened affectionate nickname, which his mother gave the young king for his small stature.

These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, before they conquered the country, they had already impaled its inhabitants.

From the surviving images, modern scientists see that the Assyrians held the art of hairdressing very highly, since all the kings had beards curled in smooth, neat curls.

« General history, processed by "Satyricon"" is a popular humorous book published by the magazine Satyricon in 1910, in which world history is parodically retold.

General history, processed by Satyricon

Genre	satire
Author	Teffi, Osip Dymov, Arkady Averchenko, O. L. D'Or
Original language	Russian
Date of writing	1909
Date of first publication	1910
Publishing house	St. Petersburg: M.G. Kornfeld

The work consists of 4 sections:

Publication

For the first time, information about the upcoming edition of the humorous “General History” appeared in the 46th issue of “Satyricon” for 1909:

“All annual subscribers will receive as a free supplement the luxuriously illustrated publication “GENERAL HISTORY”, processed by the “Satyricon” from his point of view, ed. A. T. Averchenko. (Although our “General History” will not be recommended by the learned Committee, consisting of the Ministry of Public Education, as a guide for educational institutions, but this book will give subscribers the only opportunity to look at the historical past of peoples - in a completely new and completely original light). “GENERAL HISTORY” will be a large volume, artistically printed on good paper, with a lot of illustrations by the best Russian cartoonists.”

The book was published as an appendix, after which it was reprinted separately several times, as it was extremely popular.

Problems with part 4

The part “Russian History” ends with the Patriotic War of 1812, but this did not save it from problems with censorship.

The 1910 edition has 154 pages, as it was published without it; in 1911, a volume of 240 pages was published, which included the missing part. The 1912 edition again appeared without a section prohibited by censorship.

Later, the 4th part still received a continuation - O. L. D'Or. “Nicholas II the Benevolent. The end of “Russian History”, published in 1912 by “Satyricon”"(Petersburg, Type: “Literacy”, 1917. 31 pages).

In 1922, the 4th part with an addition was published by the author as a separate book entitled: O. L. D'Or. "Russian history under the Varangians and Vorags". The supplement contains chapters devoted to